Introduction and story

[KeepSwimming93]

Hi everybody,

my name is Itzel and I wanted to say hi!!

I was molested by my brother when I was 9 and it lasted years. I'm looking for advice on what to do. 

I never told anyone and I don't know If if I should. My brother has 4 kids that I love so much and I don't want to hurt them by speaking up. I'm now 27 and I don't go to any family parties or gatherings if I know my brother is going to be there and my family just thinks that I'm mean and that I don't want to spend time with the family but they don't know the reason. I avoid seeing my brother as much as I can but my family thinks I'm wrong. 

[MeBeMary]

Hi Itzel,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you have endure as a child. It was not right or fair and you did not deserve to be hurt. Be assured tho, you will find understanding and kindness here. You are not alone.

Speaking up, especially to family, is a difficult choice to make. I wish there was a magic answer, but this is something you would need to decide. I can say, consider all the possible reactions. Sometimes it is helpful, and sometimes not. You just need to be prepared for anything.

I am glad you decided to reach out and join our community. It is one step of hopefully many on your journey down this healing path.

Mary

 

[missfrier]

Dear itzel

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

[goldraindrops]

Dear Itzel,

I'm sorry for the painful abuse experiences that brought you here.  

I'm sorry you have to carry such difficult memories and deal with the complication of deciding how involved to be with your family.  Like Mary said, there is not an easy answer about disclosing.  It can be a hard thing to do with mixed results.

One thing I have found helpful is treatment.  A good counselor or therapist can help you navigate those decisions - I know mine helped me through the complicated process.

Either way, our community is here to support you and there are many people here who understand what you're going through.

Wishing you comfort and healing,

Gold Raindrops

[8888]

Welcome @KeepSwimming93 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[Poppy_]

Hi, @Itzel - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm so sorry to hear of the trauma that you endured at the hands of your brother. I'm also sorry that you've had to carry this secret with you for so long and didn't have the support you deserved. Telling family about this is so difficult. You shouldn't tell them until you're sure you're ready. I know there are a lot of factors, but it's ultimately your choice if you share that or not. 

I hope that by being here you are able to find healing and maybe answers to some of the questions you have. Just know that we are here to support you always! No matter what   

Wishing you all the best,
Poppy

[Shannonnie]

It’s nice to meet you @KeepSwimming93.

I hope that you don’t blame yourself for what happened, and that you don’t feel responsible for what his consequences are or could potentially be. Ultimately how you decide to proceed is your decision and it can feel like a heavy burden. We all cope differently, respond differently. Thinking about the effects on his family is very thoughtful of you.

Gauging the potential impact on YOU by sharing this within your family or legally is a good place to start, IMO. It’s challenging to know the exact outcomes, but it’s good to have a baseline knowledge of the possible outcomes, how you might feel, triggers, and what you can manage.

Whatever you decide, know that the choice you make is not wrong. Having regrets is normal. You are working through something incredibly difficult, and I think that’s courageous.

[Struggling88]

Hi, Itzel, and welcome!  It’s so brave of you to speak out and I admire your courage. Are your brother’s children safe? I’m just speaking from my own experience with a family member that did not end well. I hope everyone is safe! You can message me any time!