Hello

[A Long Time Ago]

Hi, I'm Time? I guess. (Warning: Sad vibes to follow) Talking about what happened online scares me. I know that it happened, but putting it into words feels like shattering whatever's left of the illusion that I am normal. I guess some part of me still hopes that I'm making it up. We all know I'm not. I just want to be free from this weight on me. Sometimes it feels like what happened is constantly lurking in the back of my mind, waiting for me to slip up so it can destroy me. I've talked to people about it, a lot of people. I know others with the same experiences, so why do I still feel so alone? I have friends that support me through anything, so why do I still feel like I'm drowning? I'm tired. We didn't deserve this. We deserved so much better. These are just my thoughts as I join this group, I hope it's not too sad for an introduction. Also, I'm non-binary. There wasn't an option for that when I joined so I just picked a gender.

Sincerely,

Time.

Edited July 8, 2020 by A Long Time Ago

[missfrier]

Dear lla long time ago

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,q
missfrier

[WannaMoveOn]

9 hours ago, A Long Time Ago said:

Hi, I'm Time? I guess. (Warning: Sad vibes to follow) Talking about what happened online scares me. I know that it happened, but putting it into words feels like shattering whatever's left of the illusion that I am normal. I guess some part of me still hopes that I'm making it up. We all know I'm not. I just want to be free from this weight on me. Sometimes it feels like what happened is constantly lurking in the back of my mind, waiting for me to slip up so it can destroy me. I've talked to people about it, a lot of people. I know others with the same experiences, so why do I still feel so alone? I have friends that support me through anything, so why do I still feel like I'm drowning? I'm tired. We didn't deserve this. We deserved so much better. These are just my thoughts as I join this group, I hope it's not too sad for an introduction. Also, I'm non-binary. There wasn't an option for that when I joined so I just picked a gender.

Sincerely,

Time.

Hello Time, and welcome to After Silence. 

I first off want to share my sympathies and tell you I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here. We believe your story. 

The feelings you describe, wishing to have made it up, feeling odd, alone, like the trauma is lurking etc are indeed common among survivors. That does not make it any less serious or traumatic though, so please do not think that your introduction would be too sad or bothering in any way. This is after all a place to vent and share in the amount you feel comfortable with.

I hope you will find yourself a comforting support system here. Our platform carries a wide diversity of survivors, and our members form a wonderful community. 

You are right, we deserve better, you deserve better. After Silence is here for you 🌻

Feel free to browse the site, and know that the staff, including me, always has doors open if you would have any questions. 

Take care

- Wanna ☀️

 

[drowningnotwaving]

Welcome @A Long Time Ago im sorry for what brings you here but you can be sure of a warm and accepting welcome whatever your story. Its a fantastic place to find support and realise that however alone you feel you are part of a huge network of people working through their journeys together.

[snmls]

Hi @A Long Time Ago. 

Welcome to AS. I'm sorry for the trauma that brought you here, but I'm glad you found the site and decided to join. This is a welcoming and supportive place and we are all here to help each other heal. You did not deserve what happened to you and what happened to you was not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you as a person. You are not broken. You are a survivor. Opening up and talking about trauma can be scary, but it can also be very healing. Talking with other survivors can also help you to feel less alone. You never have to share anything you don't want to on this site and there is no pressure to post. Take some time looking around the site and then jump in whenever you feel comfortable. If you have any questions about the site, please reach out. We are here to help. I hope you end up finding this site to be as helpful as I do. 

 

ps. I'm sorry that the site only currently has male and female as the options for gender. It is something that the site staff are aware of and are hoping to fix. You can however go to your edit profile page and put something in the "member title" box. There you can state you are non-binary or list your pronouns. It will appear below your member name when you post, like how mine says "braver than she believes." If you need help figuring that out, just let me know! 

[8888]

Welcome @A Long Time Ago to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  It's understandable to be nervous to post online but since we have anonymous usernames we are protected.  That stinks the site only has male and female options.  There are others here who are non-binary as well, so you are not alone in that.  @snmls offers a good suggestion about listing your preferred pronouns.  Take your time exploring here and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[MeBeMary]

18 hours ago, A Long Time Ago said:

Hi, I'm Time? I guess. (Warning: Sad vibes to follow) Talking about what happened online scares me. I know that it happened, but putting it into words feels like shattering whatever's left of the illusion that I am normal. I guess some part of me still hopes that I'm making it up. We all know I'm not. I just want to be free from this weight on me. Sometimes it feels like what happened is constantly lurking in the back of my mind, waiting for me to slip up so it can destroy me. I've talked to people about it, a lot of people. I know others with the same experiences, so why do I still feel so alone? I have friends that support me through anything, so why do I still feel like I'm drowning? I'm tired. We didn't deserve this. We deserved so much better. These are just my thoughts as I join this group, I hope it's not too sad for an introduction. Also, I'm non-binary. There wasn't an option for that when I joined so I just picked a gender.

Sincerely,

Time.

Hi Time,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what you have gone thru, but do know that you are supported and understood here. You are not alone. It's very difficult when struggles overtake you, but it helps when you have others who know what it's like. You are right, nobody deserves to hurt or be hurt. Others can be so selfish and cruel. We need to continue to fight and move forward down this path of healing. I wish you well on this journey.

Mary

 

[goldraindrops]

Hi Time,

Welcome to After Silence.  This is a kind and supportive community full of people who understand what you are going through.  One of the most sinister things about sexual abuse is that people fall into the trap of feeling alone, even though there is a whole army of us out there who can understand each other.

You are not abnormal.  You are having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.  We all struggle with feeling different or isolated after our assaults.

Also, sorry there are not more options for expressing your gender.  That is something we consider a flaw in our platform, not a representation of how we feel as a community.

I hope our site can bring you some peace and comfort.

Gold Raindrops

[Arty]

Hi @A Long Time Ago

I want to tell you that you are not alone and I feel similarly to you. I know that having it in the back of your mind is hard because I share this with you. I just wanted to reply and say that After Silence seems to be such a welcoming place and I hope that you are able to find some good in your times of bad. 

I hear you and I support you.