Upset has turned to anger!

[CAB1997]

Hi all, 

I hope everyone is keeping well. 

I've never actually posted in a forum before, despite two experiences happening to me. Weirdly enough, I see one of the times more "severe" than the other - perhaps because it was the first time and the one I seem to recall the most? Probably because it was on my 18th birthday. 

Recently, I've had the overwhelming feeling to express what has happened to me with other survivors/those who will listen. I've shared the real story of this experience with little others, so this is a big step. I've never truly dealt with what happened as it was only about 2 years ago that I realised what had actually happened (it has now been about 5 years) and, most importantly, that it wasn't my fault/because I was easy/put myself in that situation/etc. 

I do get flashbacks of what happened, reminding me of the feeling of having no control. It's scary and I do feel alone with it despite having confided early on in my relationship with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. I just want it to all go away and to confront the abuser (he was an acquaintance when it happened). If anyone has any advice they can share, I would be very grateful. 

 

Thank you very much.

[LakeSunset]

I just joined as well and have the same feeling of wanting to share years later. For me it's being triggered by tv shows and having my daughter she the same ages I was. 

I have shared some things with my husband and it's not the same. I think for me I'd like to share with women who share similar experiences. 

LS

[MeBeMary]

Hi CAB1997,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry you have experienced trauma, but do know that you will find support, understanding and kindness within this community. It is a safe place where you can share when and what you like to, when you are comfortable. You are not alone.

Both instances that you experienced were wrong, but I can understand how each may have a different impact and how you may struggle. There is no wrong way to feel about either. If you plan on confronting the abuser of this most impactful trauma you endured, just know it is seldom and rare for these jerks to admit their wrongs or feel sorry for it. If you confront him, know this. You will be doing it to give yourself a voice, which if you are ready for it, can be a healing step.

Take your time and look around the site. There is no pressure, but I can guarantee you will have validation. I am glad you have found us and wish you the best on this journey of healing.

Mary

 

[missfrier]

Dear cab1997

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

[WannaMoveOn]

21 hours ago, CAB1997 said:

Hi all, 

I hope everyone is keeping well. 

I've never actually posted in a forum before, despite two experiences happening to me. Weirdly enough, I see one of the times more "severe" than the other - perhaps because it was the first time and the one I seem to recall the most? Probably because it was on my 18th birthday. 

Recently, I've had the overwhelming feeling to express what has happened to me with other survivors/those who will listen. I've shared the real story of this experience with little others, so this is a big step. I've never truly dealt with what happened as it was only about 2 years ago that I realised what had actually happened (it has now been about 5 years) and, most importantly, that it wasn't my fault/because I was easy/put myself in that situation/etc. 

I do get flashbacks of what happened, reminding me of the feeling of having no control. It's scary and I do feel alone with it despite having confided early on in my relationship with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. I just want it to all go away and to confront the abuser (he was an acquaintance when it happened). If anyone has any advice they can share, I would be very grateful. 

 

Thank you very much.

Hello CAB1997 and welcome to After Silence! 

After realizing what happened to you, which is a big step itself, it is normal to have questions about the trauma, why we react the why we do etc. This forum is a safe and anonymous place to exchange experiences, relate and receive support. I hope you will make yourself at home here. This platform carries a wide diversity of survivors, and our members make a wonderful support system. 

Take care, I am happy you have found us! 🌻

- Wanna ☀️

[Struggling88]

Hi, CABB1997, and welcome! 

[8888]

Welcome @CAB1997 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[tmac]

Hi I just joined today. I am feeling the same way as you. I get flashbacks as well and also get scared. I am also in a very similar situation as you. I also confided early on with my now boyfriend of my experiences because I knew, or was scared that, it would present issues later on in our relationship on my part. I also realized years after the incident what had actually happened and that it was not my fault. I feel for you and want you to know you are not alone