My next step

[girl-from-nowhere]

Hello everyone,

I've been lurking around AS for a few months now. Connecting with others about our similar pasts I think is my next important step to heal. I have shared with friends and my partner before, but I have never knowingly discussed my trauma with someone who has also experienced similar trauma. I'm about to move into my first apartment with just me and my significant other. So, as I am making this step in my relationship, I want to take a step to improve myself so that not only I can become happy and healthy, but my relationship can be happier as well.

I went to therapy through my university for two semesters, and I am considering going back. I am learning to love the body I am in, and to accept that the things that happened to me were wrong. I keep "moving the goalpost" as it were, convincing myself that what I experienced wasn't "trauma", invalidating my own experiences. Even when I was in therapy I was scared to call it "trauma" because I feared it wasn't bad enough to be considered trauma, therefore making me weak, but also because my memories of everything are not very clear. Overall my head is still scrambled; thinking or talking about my trauma leaves me feeling scared, shameful, and small, but mostly I'm left feeling confused. I feel like I don't know what normal looks like, and I struggle to speak the words I want to say, even to the person I trust most.

Looking around on AS has made me feel more comfortable discussing with others and sharing my own experiences. I hope to become a part of this community, and I hope not only that it will help me continue to heal, but that I will contribute to the healing of others! ❤️

[8888]

Welcome @girl-from-nowhere  to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Congrats on taking that step in your relationship.  I want you to know it's common for trauma survivors to invalidate their experiences but it doesn't mean you didn't experience trauma.  Therapy has been very helpful to me and a lot of survivors so it is something you may want to consider again.  Take your time exploring here and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me.  

 

[Poppy_]

Hi, @girl-from-nowhere - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm glad you took the step to make your first post - I know it can be nerve-wracking! I hope that we can continue to make you feel comfortable enough to share and maybe get that connection you're longing for! Of course, there's no pressure to post if you aren't ready  take all the time you need! You'll know when the time is right. Congratulations on the new apartment! I hope you love it! 

I am a very big supporter of therapy and mental health, so I will always be a cheerleader for you to continue that! I think it's so important to have that in your life. I also had/sill have a hard time calling what happened to me a trauma. I always felt like that word was too severe for what I experienced. I also felt like the R word was too severe. So, you're not alone there! I completely understand how you feel. The bottom line is, no two trauma's are the same and we don't compare them. There is no trauma that is 'worse' or 'greater' than another. All trauma is important. Trauma is trauma... no matter the 'severity'. And your trauma matters. 

If you need anything, feel free to reach out to me any time! I'm around  I hope you are feeling welcome here! 

All the best,
Poppy

[goldraindrops]

Dear @girl-from-nowhere

Welcome to After Silence.

I am glad you found us.  This is a kind and supportive community full of people who understand what you're going through.

Many of us can relate to what you are describing - not quite knowing how to identify our trauma and find our "new normal."   I agree with what 8888 said, therapy has been very helpful for many of us.  It took me a long, long time to take that step, but I am happy I did, because I feel like I have someone helping me to sort everything out.

Take Care, and feel free to message if you ever want to.

Gold Raindrops

[MeBeMary]

Hi girl-from-nowhere,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the things you have endured, and know that there is no criteria that you need to meet to consider something wrong as trauma. Try not to consider it a weakness, unless it is of the one who had no respect and care for anyone but themselves. I do know many of us tho, have been there. It can be difficult sometimes when you see so much around you, to focus on just you. I'm glad you do know it was wrong, and that experience is validated here. The reason why, is the same we all have: you've been hurt and there are struggles associated with that hurt. So do know you are accepted fully into this community.

It's ok to lurk or read and get accustomed to the site. It is the way I started and I didn't veer from this welcome forum for quite awhile. Comfort does increase and so far you have taken some big steps to reach out. I do wish you many more as you continue down your path of healing.

Mary

 

 

[girl-from-nowhere]

Thank you @MeBeMary @goldraindrops @Poppy_ @8888 for the warm welcomes. A lot of my fear of posting and getting involved here has been reduced. My main fears have been whether I would be accepted into the community or that I would not be seen as, I guess, "important" or "priority" as everyone else as I open up more about my past. Definitely shed some happy tears while reading your responses. Thank you so much! ❤️

[missfrier]

Dear girl_from_nowhere

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier