Hello! New and seeking support

[Euna12]

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I feel very alone. Because of the shutdown I lost of all my support, and I've recently moved to a new city. I don't have any friends and I'm estranged from my family. I live with my partner and he's amazingly supportive, but he can only do so much. I see my emotional needs wearing on him, and I know it's unfair and unsafe to have only one support person.

Everytime I "start over" I think this time I got it; this time it'll be different and I'll just be better. I am better. I get a little better everyday. I've been doing really good taking care of my physical body (something I've really struggled with in the past), but the emotional wounds are still there. I've been alone at night for the first time in years and it's hard. The fear is so intense, it's paralysing. I'm afraid of the dark, afraid of strangers, afraid of being heard or witnessed in anyway.

The logical part of my brain knows I'm safe, but the scared little girl inside can't let go of the "what if's". What if there is a monster lurking in the shadows? (Before remembering the abuse I attributed these fears to supernatural threats) What if that man is thinking of hurting me? What if that group of teenagers is mean to me because they know I'm afraid?

I am really grateful to have found a place like this. I've spent some time reading through the site and crying. Talking to other survivors is so important because only survivors understand. This is my first time reaching out for support pre-crisis and it feels good. I'm proud of myself for seeking help before it becomes an emergency, and I already feel supported. Thank you all for facilitating this support system and I look forward to further integrating myself.

[Lovelylady]

Hi Euna,

  I am sorry for what has brought you here.  These times make community essential and also challenging.   

I hope that you find the support you seek and deserve. Good on you for reaching out when not in crisis. You’re heard, supported and valued here. Again welcome 💙

[missfrier]

Dear euna12

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

[Poppy_]

Hi, @Euna12 - 

Welcome to After Silence! I am sorry you are struggling so much right now with everything you have been through. I know how hard it is to feel like you have no one you can lean on. More specifically, I know how it feels to lean on one person and see how your emotional needs are wearing them down. I'm in the same position. But I hope that by being here, you can gain more support or another outlet for your pain and we can help you feel better! 

Also, great job on taking care of your physical needs! It truly is just as important as your emotional needs. I know things seem to be going downhill right now, but I want you to know that you are not alone. One of the cool things about this site is that there are people here from all different time zones! So even if you're posting in the middle of the night, there will usually still be people online and someone to keep you company when you feel afraid. 

I hope this site helps you! If you need anything at all, I'm just a quick message away  message me any time you'd like! 

All the best,
Poppy

[snmls]

Hi @Euna12, 

Welcome to AS. I'm sorry for the trauma that brought you here, but I'm glad you found the site and decided to join. This is a wonderful supportive community and we are all here to help each other heal. I'm proud of you for reaching out for support. Talking with survivors can be very helpful in the healing process because it can help you feel less alone. You are welcome to post or share on the site at any time. I hope you end up finding this site to be as helpful as I do. Wishing you the best. 

[goldraindrops]

Dear @Euna12,

I am sorry for the pain that brought you here, but I am glad you found us and felt comfortable enough to reach out.  

We have a kind and supportive community full of people who understand what it's like to carry the pain of sexual abuse.  

Feel free to look around at the different threads we have available and post whenever you'd like.  

Gold Raindrops

[Chelsea30]

Hi @Euna12. I'm so sorry for what brought you here, but I'm glad you're reaching out. I know it's hard to be isolated. I'm in a similar situation with my husband, and AS has been a great source of comfort. You're not alone--there are so many people here who can offer insight, kindness, and support.

[MeBeMary]

Hi Euna,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what you went thru and the very difficult struggles you are dealing with right now. What happened to you was wrong, but do know that you will find much support here.

New places and situations can be scary, I can agree, especially if there aren't many there to support you. I know it can be difficult even when you have that one, it may feel like a burden, and honestly...even if sympathetic, it may be difficult for him to understand. This is what you will find here, a safe and understanding community. You are not alone with this.

I know healing may feel impossible at times, but it isn't. It just may be more ups and downs than we wish. If we keep fighting and facing these things, there will be more forwards steps than backwards. This is my wish for you...many forward steps down this path of healing.

Mary

 

[Euna12]

Thank you all so much for your support. Just knowing that there are people out there has already made me feel so much better! I'm finally going to reach out to a therapist today 🙂 I've had her into saved for awhile, but the fear was so paralysing I hadn't been able to reach out. I've really been missing something in my life, and I really feel good about AS helping to fill that void. Reading through the posts, I've been brought to tears so many times. Tears of sadness for all the other people hurting and tears of relief to finally find people who understand. I am so grateful to be here and so appreciative of all you that make this safe place possible.

[8888]

Welcome @Euna12 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  I tend to have a lot of "what if's" too.  Take your time exploring here and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me.