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Advice for Newbies to Healing

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I remember being so new to healing, quite lost and skeptical of ever moving forward.  Healing has been a journey to hell and back.....but so very much worth it!  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

If okay, I would like to list some things that have helped me to heal.  Perhaps they may help you too?  

  • Find a good therapist.  You may have to go through several to find the right one.  This doesn’t have to be forever, perhaps just through the most difficult or early times.  For those in a relationship, couples' counselling may be a good idea as partners may take your triggers personally.  This will help them to understand that some issues are definitely a ‘healing’ matter and not a ‘relationship’ matter.
  • Read about the effects of abuse/assault so you understand why you feel and act the way you do.  This is important as you may have previously thought that it was just 'who you are' as opposed to to a natural reaction to what has happened to you.
  • For those in a relationship, encourage your partner to read about effects of abuse/assault so they understand why you act the way you do, as this can affect the relationship.
  • Learn to understand your triggers and discuss them with your partner too, so they understand.  Triggers can be taken personally by your partner if they do not understand and as a result can cause additional stress. 
  • Remove or restrict contact with people who do not support your healing or are toxic to you.  It is hard to deal with toxic or abusive people still in your life while trying to heal.  Your call.
  • Exercise, eat well, get as much sleep as you can.   A healthy body helps to support a healthy mind.  
  • Start doing relaxation techniques: deep breathing, listening to relaxation music, meditation.  This is important.  You have to start actually doing things to help you relax.  There is a point where it is optimal to take action when you feel down and actually implement the techniques you have learnt.  If you don't, you stay stuck in the same frame of mind.
  • Practice self care when feeling deeply upset: watch an uplifting movie, make a nice meal for yourself, wrap yourself in a blankie, listen to gentle music, meditation, self soothe in whatever way helps you.
  • Journal your feelings.  Writing things down is a good way to try to get thoughts ‘out of your head’ and stop the constant overthinking.
  • Start to praise yourself to help negate the negative internal conditioning.  ‘Good job’, ‘I tried, it failed, but that is okay, everyone fails sometimes’,  ‘I am a good person’,  ‘Next time, I will do better’, 'I did not deserve the abuse/assault and it was not my fault'.  

Please know that you are never alone with what you have gone through.  I hope that this helps in some way and I wish you all the best that healing has to offer.  There is another version of this post in Gathering Place with further suggestions by other lovely survivors.

Take gentle care.

Tsabu  ❤️

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