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Hi there, 

I guess we can call me Panda. 

It's been almost exactly 10 years since my abusive relationship started, and now I'm older, away, and am raising a disabled child that has half of my abuser's genes. 6 yrs of custody battles later, and I'm still not over everything. Hoping joining a community will help me figure things out. 

How is everyone?

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Hi Panda,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry you were in an abusive relationship, but glad that you got away from him, well as much as you can. I'm sure dealing with the child's dad leaves somewhat of a connection. Do know that you will find support here from our many kind and understanding members. You do deserve and are worthy of healing.

It's a big step to reach out to others, so I would like to acknowledge that. Healing is a crazy road, but it is a road we all strive to get further down. I wish you the best as you take more steps.



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Thanks Mary, 

Yeah, I hope that. I like to read a lot of psychology books to get me by, and the one thing they keep mentioning is that community helps. Soooo, here I am.

What's also very crazy is that everyone on here has dealt with the same issue. I'm sure we'll all be able to help each other. 


Thanks for your reply!




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Dear panda

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,

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Welcome @Redpanda58 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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Hi, Panda!!!  Welcome to After Silence.  I'm glad you're here, I'm sorry that terrible circumstances have driven you to our community but hopefully there is some comfort to be gained from it.  We're all here to try and figure a few things out for ourselves, and in the process, I do think there is great strength in numbers.  I hope you'll love it here.

I can also relate to you in another way....I was in an abusive relationship that I didn't even realize was abusive until I left!  I have two children (teenagers now) who share his genes, too, so I understand that, all too well.  

I wish you all the best in your healing journey!

Best wishes,

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Thank you all for your replies. I will definitely reach out if I have any questions or anything like that. Thanks. :)

@capulet Isn't it crazy. When you tell people what happened, they're just like... Isn't it obvious? Well, the mind is a funny thing, isn't it?

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Welcome Panda, 


I am sorry for all the abuse you have gone through, but I'm glad you found the site and decided to join. We are all here to support you through your healing journey. Take some time looking around the site and whenever you are comfortable you can feel free to post and share.  Looking forward to seeing you around the site. 

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30 minutes ago, Redpanda58 said:

@capulet Isn't it crazy. When you tell people what happened, they're just like... Isn't it obvious? Well, the mind is a funny thing, isn't it?

Oh, the mind is for sure the most complex thing in the world. 😄   You just make sure that your truth stays your truth, regardless of what anyone else says - you're after all, the one who lived through it all!!! 




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@snmls Thank you, I really appreciate it. 


@capulet Right? Honestly, even when you tell the story... How in depth would it be to tell the whole thing. I just stayed at my cousin's house last night, and I've talked to her in depth about everything, and she still was asking questions like, "I can't believe that happened, how did I not know?" Like. The story is too long. 

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Hi, @Redpanda58 - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm so sorry to hear of the relationship you went through, but I am glad it is over now. I think getting away from something like that can sometimes be the hardest step! Not to say the rest is easy - I know it's not. But I'm glad you were able to take that first step :) I hope that by being here you will find others with similar stories that can relate to you. You are certainly not alone! Even on this thread I've seen some commonalities between you and other members :) 

Keep looking around and if you need anything at all, I'm just a quick message away! 

Warmest welcome,

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