I just want to be happy...

[Mya17]

New here.. I didn't know what else to do so I thought I'd try.. I've been raped several times and I don't even feel like me anymore. I was so care free and happy but now I'm moody and full of anxiety. I can't sleep, I have terrible nightmares, random sadness, and through it all I keep feeling that I have to hide everything and be strong. It's making me hate myself.. I've lost my interest in everything and I just feel lost. I also have a boyfriend that I'm terrified to talk to because I don't want him to see what I see and hate me too. I JUST want to be happy and stop feeling like this.. does the torture ever stop! Someone please tell me it gets better..

[MeBeMary]

Hi Mya,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for all the trauma you have endured. Nobody has the right to hurt you and I am sorry they did. You are not alone, tho. You will find much support and understanding from our members. You do deserve healing.

Sadly, trauma does change a person, but do know healing is possible. It is never easy and it can take time, but it can happen. You might not be the old you that you remember, but you can grow past the hurt and struggles you feel you are now. Coming here is a good start, as it is always helpful to know others can relate and you are not alone. Know you and what happened to you matters and fighting for a better tomorrow is possible.

I am glad you joined our community and wish you many steps forward down this path of healing.

Mary

 

[missfrier]

Dear mya

Welcome to After Silence.  I am sorry to hear of the trauma you have been through!

Being here has helped me so much.   Everyone is so caring and supportive here.  I am proud of you for reaching out.  I know that is hard to do.  I also know that you will find that needed compassion and support here within our community.  Know we are here for you and we will listen whenever you would like to lean on us.    

Take care and please do not hesitate to ask for any help if you ever need it.  

[8888]

Welcome @Mya17 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[bearmountains]

Hey,

I'm glad that you decided to reach out. I can completely relate. I didn't feel like myself for the longest time, and I still have those moments, especially during quarantine (which has made my brain go into overdrive). It's hard to look back at the person you were and compare. At least for me, it made me feel like I had lost myself. I've tried to focus instead on the ways that I have grown. How I've learned that it's okay to be vulnerable, that I don't have to have everything figured out all the time. I've discovered a strength I never knew I had. I know one day you will find that too. 

Feel free to message if you would like to talk more.

[Poppy_]

Hi, @Mya17 - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm so sorry to hear of the multiple traumas you have been through. I know how it feels to go through something like that and to feel like you've had your personality and sense of self taken from you. I've been there too  But as hard as it is, it DOES get better. There are good days and bad days, but it does get easier and it gets more manageable with time. I hope that by being here you are able to get some support and it will help you begin healing from some of your pain. You are not alone here! 

If you need anything at all, please feel free to send me a message any time. I try to be around as much as I can be! I hope you're feeling welcome here. 

Wishing you all the best,
Poppy