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Hello all. I recently joined this site. My username is a reference to Pokemon (I'm a huge Pokemon/anime fan). My main reason for joining this site is to find other survivors of abuse. I am 22, female, and was sexually assaulted in my university. For privacy I will not disclose the name of this university, but that it is in the U.S. The person who assaulted me was someone I was friends with/crushed on. Things seemed fine, until they touched me. I confronted them out right in the moment but they denied it. As we walked home they walked next to me uncomfortably close. By the time they got home they admitted they got "turned on" by it. At that point, I decided to bring it up to my school. Sadly, they did barely anything. I was able to make a written report, where the guard I was with sarcastically said "you cant make reports like this to the police". In the end, me and this person were a part of an anime club and the person was able to walk in the club like nothing happened. My friends didn't care andI was all alone. Along with growing up in an abusive household and suffering from BPD (borderline personality disorder), I still struggle daily. In the end, it makes me feel sad that I can't say like other students I had a "good college life". I suffered, was bullied, and abused. I wonder if maybe something is wrong with me that I didn't have the "good college life". I wonder why am I different. Why was I always different and picked on by family, friends, etc.

Things haven't really gotten better. But thats my story. 

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Hi Minccinno,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for your recent assault at school, as well as your abuse when you were younger. You will find much support here from our understanding members. Many will likely understand your college experience, as well. Sadly, universities aren't always as safe as one may hope. I am sorry campus security were no help.

I am sorry that he is in a club you are and you likely see him every time they meet. I am sure it makes you uncomfortable every time you go...and they do. They go on as if all is fine in the world, and you are left uneasy and anxious.

I am glad you found us tho. Take your time and look around and feel free to interact where you feel comfortable. I wish you the best on your healing journey.

Mary

:aswelcomesu:

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Thank you for replying. I have since left the club and has noticed, other things. It appears that the club has lost many members, and many women. It makes me wonder if harassment/abuse has been happening for quite some time. Either way, it woke me up to college life. College can be great, but I wish I knew about these things early on. That I didnt go into college with a blind sense of happiness. That I was aware of these things early on. And you are right, universities are not safe. Overall, I plan to eventually leave my university all together and pursue education elsewhere. 

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Dear minccino

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

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Welcome @Minccinno65! to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.   Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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Thank you to all who replied. I am not the best today, as I am giving into the "pushing everyone away" feeling right now. 

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Hi, @Minccinno65! - 

Welcome to After Silence! I am very sorry for the way you were treated and for the way the University handled it. The more stories I read about, the more I realize that people that have not been through something like this just simply don't understand the effect that it has on a person. I know how hard it is to deal with something like that and then to see the person that assaulted you. I even understand it being someone you crushed on! 

I also struggle with BPD and I know how difficult that is to deal with all on it's own. I hope you know that you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. I am sorry you have been hurt and mistreated. Luckily, you have found an amazingly accepting community full of unwavering love and support! If you need anything at all, I am always just a quick message away :) 

Wishing the best for you,
Poppy

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