my first post

[lunafreya]

hi ! this is my first post, so i decided to use it to post here in the welcome tag

my name is ashe, i'm 20 years old. i am intersex and identify as a male despite what my profile says (i selected female because i consider myself transgender and was willing to hide that because,, i need support. but after looking around i decided it's probably safe to say that because i haven't really found anyone being transphobic)

i am gay, and i have a fiance and i love him very much! we had been dating for about a month when my most recent experience happened, and he was the reason i got through that mess

i'm autistic and have ptsd and dissociative identity disorder, as well as adhd and schizophrenia. yes, these have all been commonly used against me. people suck

i really like final fantasy (mostly xv) hence where i got the name lunafreya! i also love fire emblem. i like anime, my favorites being mahou shoujo madoka magica, love live, and gakou gurashi. i like rhythm games a lot, mostly love live and bang dream, but i have project mirai dx for my 3ds and i love it! i also really like playing mmorpgs. i was really into aura kingdom for a while and i miss it. i use these things to cope, so you'll see them a lot in my posts!

i want to do photography and poetry for a living! i write about my pains and i photograph things i find beautiful. a balance, i suppose. occasionally i write about beautiful things too, but my writing usually is where my sadness goes. i will not photograph things that make me sad. the world is already a sad place and i don't want my suffering to be captured in image like that, ever

i'm very mixed; there's a lot of east asian + southeast asian on my dad's side, and israeli on my mom's side. i don't know much about it because my parents were not good people and generally did not tell me much; i no longer live with them and do not have contact with extended family

figured i'd make this post more lighthearted! for one so people can get to know me better, and for two so people can recognize that no matter how intense my venting is or how awful i feel, i'm still a person outside of my trauma with a personality and ambitions and love. i am not my trauma 

Edited May 18, 2020 by lunafreya

[missfrier]

Dear lunafreya

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

[lunafreya]

missfrier,

thank you so much! my most recent experience happened almost a year ago, and to tell you the truth, i almost joined a few weeks after it happened, but i just wasn't ready yet. but i'm ready now! i'm ready to heal from not only that, but from past experiences.

i really appreciate the support. i've felt alone for a long time, and i'm happy i have a place that feels safe now. thank you ♡

☆ lunafreya

[missfrier]

4 hours ago, lunafreya said:

missfrier,

thank you so much! my most recent experience happened almost a year ago, and to tell you the truth, i almost joined a few weeks after it happened, but i just wasn't ready yet. but i'm ready now! i'm ready to heal from not only that, but from past experiences.

i really appreciate the support. i've felt alone for a long time, and i'm happy i have a place that feels safe now. thank you ♡

☆ lunafreya

 Your def not alone. Here we are. All here. For u.  Xxx

[8888]

Welcome @lunafreya to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.   Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready. 

We actually have a transgender survivors forum if you are interested.  It is located under the survivor connections heading.  I will link it below.

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php?/forum/94-transgender-survivors/

You need the password to get in.  To get the password you can post a thread in the help desk asking for the password.  The help desk is located here:

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php?/forum/122-help-desk/

If you have any questions feel free to message me.

P.S- I'm autistic too.  

 

[lunafreya]

@8888

thank you for linking the thread! i'll make a post asap asking for the password! i'm glad to have the opportunity to talk to other trans survivors

and its also reassuring to know there's other autistic survivors— not that i'd wish sa on anyone, but it's hard not to blame my trauma on my autism as a lot of people usually do for me, even though i logically know my trauma isn't anyone's fault but my abusers

thank you for the welcome ♡

☆ lunafreya

[MeBeMary]

Hi Ashe,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you have experienced and the struggles you have faced. You will find tons of support from our community of understanding and kind members. You are not alone. You and your experiences are validated and know you are worthy of healing.

I am sorry that you haven't the support of family, but we are here for you. I do like you saying you are not your trauma. Sometimes this is a hurdle for survivors. We all possess much good, despite what was done to us.

8888 has suggested the trans forum, but we also have a Creativity forum, if you think you'd want to share some of your work: Healing Thru Creativity Forum -- CLICK HERE

I am glad you found our community and decided to join. It is always a big step to reach out to others who understand. I wish you the best as you travel down your path of healing.

Mary

Edited May 19, 2020 by MeBeMary

[lunafreya]

@MeBeMary

thank you so much ♡ in the short time ive been a member, i feel really glad i joined. its taken me a long time to be able to tell myself im not my trauma, and some days i don't believe it, but fake it until you make it, yknow?

i definitely will take a look at the creativity board! maybe i'll share poetry and i'll definitely share some photography! i'm excited 

i definitely hope to be able to find healing, but to help others heal too. i know how it feels to have nobody, so i hope i can contribute to people feeling like they have somebody

thank you so much for the welcome

☆ lunafreya

[MeBeMary]

I'm glad your feeling it already...the community. It is truly a safe and supportive place to be. I know it saved me at my lowest point and I agree, giving back is a truly wonderful thing. It can help others, as well as yourself.

We all have those days, but again...why this is a wonderful place. I am glad you are looking forward to being a part of this community.

 

[Minccinno65!]

Hello. Its nice to meet you. I am also a fan of anime and love the Love Live series. I cannot wait for season 3 lol. And speaking of 3ds, I am replaying pokemon soul silver 

[lunafreya]

@Minccinno65!

hi! welcome too to you, since you're also new! awesome to meet another love live fan. im so excited for nijigasaki to get an anime, like i'm on the edge of my seat for it! and i love pokemon too although the only one i have beaten is the original ruby. og ruby is still my favorite pokemon game tbh!

☆ lunafreya

[Minccinno65!]

I haven't played any of the gen 3 games besides pokemon xd gale of darkness.