It's awkward to start something like this

[Colleen21]

Hello there.  I'm an awkward person in general, but throwing me into a situation that makes everything worse is tricky.  Typically writing is one of my strong suits but I just keep staring at a blinking curser.  But here goes nothing:

I was lucky, sad that that is true, that I had not faced this situation until nearly the end of college.  That was about two years ago.  Obviously it is a long story that'll get posted eventually but I ended up having my drink drugged a party.  After a while of therapy, graduating, and moving away I was doing much better mentally.  

About a year ago I was briefly seeing this guy, knowing it likely wasn't going anywhere but it was worth a chance.  The entire month it lasted was odd, our break up was bad, and I could never put my finger to why something was off.  

That brings us to last night.  I was talking with my new husband about crap we have been through and I heard an incident he'd experienced years ago.  I just blinked at him like "what the heck do you mean that counts as rape?"  So yeah I realized last night I was raped for a month straight by the ex mentioned.  A lot of the things and behaviors that happened made a lot more sense.

Now I'm here.  I have a large family but I really don't want to tell any yet, if ever.  I found you all because I'm hoping to find people that understand/have been through it/are farther along in dealing with all of these conflicting emotions.  Thanks in advance for being kind and welcoming.   

[missfrier]

Dear Colleen 21

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

[marcyabadeer]

@Colleen21 Hello and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry to hear of the pain that brings you here, but we are so glad you’ve found us  the recent realization must have you full of so many different feelings right now, but you have come to the right place to try to sort through your emotions and things. I hope you find the comfort you seek here 💜

 

sam🖤

[8888]

Welcome @Colleen21 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.   Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[Poppy_]

Hi, @Colleen21 - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm so sorry to hear of the abuse you've endured. No one deserves to be treated that way. You have definitely found a safe place here to talk to other that understand what you've been through. There is so much love and support here! If you need anything at all, I'm just a quick PM away anytime  I'm wishing you all the best! 

Sending happy thoughts,
Poppy

[MeBeMary]

Hi Colleen,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am truly sorry about both situations of abuse that you have endured. If it's a single situation or an on-going trauma, both are wrong and the perpetrators are cowards. I'm sorry you endured pain and have struggled from this experienced. You are not alone tho.

You will find tons of support from this community as we do understand and support you. The choice on who to tell and how much is always an individual choice. I too, come from a big family, but decided long ago that it would not help me much to share what happen. I personally have told one friend and the rest have been in several parts and the struggles that I've endured here on this site. It has been enough to help me, so I've been grateful for the support and validation I have received.

I am glad that you have found us. Feel free to look around and interact when and where you are comfortable. I am wishing you the best, as you move forward down this path of healing.

Mary

 

 

 

[Colleen21]

21 hours ago, missfrier said:

Dear Colleen 21

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

Thank you I really appreciate that.  I'm hoping for the same  

[Colleen21]

4 hours ago, MeBeMary said:

Hi Colleen,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am truly sorry about both situations of abuse that you have endured. If it's a single situation or an on-going trauma, both are wrong and the perpetrators are cowards. I'm sorry you endured pain and have struggled from this experienced. You are not alone tho.

You will find tons of support from this community as we do understand and support you. The choice on who to tell and how much is always an individual choice. I too, come from a big family, but decided long ago that it would not help me much to share what happen. I personally have told one friend and the rest have been in several parts and the struggles that I've endured here on this site. It has been enough to help me, so I've been grateful for the support and validation I have received.

I am glad that you have found us. Feel free to look around and interact when and where you are comfortable. I am wishing you the best, as you move forward down this path of healing.

Mary

 

 

 

Thank you

[Colleen21]

14 hours ago, Poppy_ said:

Hi, @Colleen21 - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm so sorry to hear of the abuse you've endured. No one deserves to be treated that way. You have definitely found a safe place here to talk to other that understand what you've been through. There is so much love and support here! If you need anything at all, I'm just a quick PM away anytime  I'm wishing you all the best! 

Sending happy thoughts,
Poppy

Thank you 

[Colleen21]

18 hours ago, samantha2009 said:

@Colleen21 Hello and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry to hear of the pain that brings you here, but we are so glad you’ve found us  the recent realization must have you full of so many different feelings right now, but you have come to the right place to try to sort through your emotions and things. I hope you find the comfort you seek here 💜

 

sam🖤

Thank you

[Colleen21]

16 hours ago, 8888 said:

Welcome @Colleen21 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.   Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

Thank you

[goldraindrops]

Dear @Colleen21,

I'm sorry for the negative experiences you endured.  There are many people here who understand your pain and carry similar memories.

I hope you'll find some comfort and healing here.

Gold Raindrops

[Mave]

Welcome, @Colleen21!

I'm so sorry that here that you experienced these traumatic events. We're happy to hear your story when you're ready, and we'll be here to support you on this journey. You've made an incredible step in reaching out, and you can and will get through this. You aren't alone in this, and what happened is not your fault. Sending safe hugs, if okay.

Mave

[Colleen21]

22 hours ago, goldraindrops said:

Dear @Colleen21,

I'm sorry for the negative experiences you endured.  There are many people here who understand your pain and carry similar memories.

I hope you'll find some comfort and healing here.

Gold Raindrops

Thank you 

[Colleen21]

11 hours ago, Mave said:

Welcome, @Colleen21!

I'm so sorry that here that you experienced these traumatic events. We're happy to hear your story when you're ready, and we'll be here to support you on this journey. You've made an incredible step in reaching out, and you can and will get through this. You aren't alone in this, and what happened is not your fault. Sending safe hugs, if okay.

Mave

Thank you.  Hugs to you as well if wanted  

[bearmountains]

Hey, 

I'm truly sorry to hear what you've been through. I just wanted to tell you that I understand. I was in a problematic relationship and didn't realize until months afterward that he had been sexually assaulting me the entire time. It wasn't until I was talking to my friend about the MeToo movement and said, "You know, if I was any other girl, I would consider what he had done to me to be rape." That was when I realized I wasn't "any other girl" and that what he had done was wrong.

And I get that realizing what happened some time later can be even more difficult because, at least for me, it made me doubt the gut feeling I had about it. It was hard to admit that I had gone through a trauma and that I would be experiencing the emotions that come with it.

If you ever want to talk, I'm here. Wishing you the best.  

[Colleen21]

On 5/7/2020 at 1:24 PM, bearmountains said:

Hey, 

I'm truly sorry to hear what you've been through. I just wanted to tell you that I understand. I was in a problematic relationship and didn't realize until months afterward that he had been sexually assaulting me the entire time. It wasn't until I was talking to my friend about the MeToo movement and said, "You know, if I was any other girl, I would consider what he had done to me to be rape." That was when I realized I wasn't "any other girl" and that what he had done was wrong.

And I get that realizing what happened some time later can be even more difficult because, at least for me, it made me doubt the gut feeling I had about it. It was hard to admit that I had gone through a trauma and that I would be experiencing the emotions that come with it.

If you ever want to talk, I'm here. Wishing you the best.  

Thank you.  I honestly truly appreciate that, it sounds like our stories are similar so it is nice to feel like someone truly gets it.  I'm here for you as well.