New to sharing

[Jayme]

Hello,

I'm really unsure where to start. I've sought "help" before on hotlines, crisis centers etc only to be left feeling hopeless and frustrated. I've never gone to therapy after my assault. I've never told anyone what happened to me. I'm not sure if I ever will. I have no friends anymore (moving around too much). My family will never know. I have pretty bad PTSD but its been slightly better since I moved away from my old place where it occurred. Anything I write on here will be extremely vague due to him stalking and harassing me, that paranoia will always be there whether or not he's actively looking for me. I know I've been struggling a lot ever since it happened but I don't really have many options currently. I've seen the immense change in me, the feral animal I feel like I've become. I've isolated myself from people ever since it happened because I feel completely disconnected. I know I absolutely got through the worst on my own, the intense daily fear, panic attacks once a day, extreme paranoia, always checking doors, locks, windows, closets, parking lots, cars. Everything scaring the hell out of me. Checking everywhere. I still experience all of that but its way more manageable and not as suffocating now. My entire existence crumbled. I took too many days off of work and got myself into a constant cycle of debt. Every day is hard but unfortunately I don't have a choice and must keep on living. My life is a fake plastered on smile and constant distractions so I wont dwell on how terrible my life has become. I'm tired of it but this is how it is for now.

[marcyabadeer]

@Jayme hello and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry for the terror you have experienced and still experience from what you have endured  we are glad you have found us though! You are safe here. You are not alone. 
 

Just a few months ago, I was feeling this exact same way myself. Just being here has helped me realize I don’t have to struggle with this alone, even through the immense fear I still seem to have. 
 

 

sam🖤

[MeBeMary]

Hi Jayme,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am so very sorry for the trauma you have endured and the struggles you face. It is never right for anyone to hurt you this way. You will find tons of support and understanding here. This is a safe community but whatever you decide to share or not share is more than ok.

Much of what you say is similar to what I've experienced, mainly the struggling alone and not having the comfort of sharing to those in my real life. We accept you tho and welcome you to our community. I am glad you have decided to join. Wishing you on many positive steps on this ever winding road that we call healing.

Mary

[missfrier]

Dear @Jayme

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

[Poppy_]

Hi, @Jayme - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm sorry to hear of your hurt and the trauma you've been through. We all understand the loss of control you feel after going through something like this. I hope that we are able to help support you in your healing journey and we can be here in any way you need us. I know you don't want to share a lot, and you certainly don't have to. Just share as much or as little as you want whenever you're ready. 

If you need anything, please feel free to reach out to me! I'm always around

Wishing you the best,
Poppy

[snmls]

Welcome @Jayme

I'm sorry about the trauma you have faced, but I'm glad you're here. This is a safe space and we are all here to support each other. You are welcome to post and share whenever you feel comfortable. Go at your own pace. You will heal overtime.

[8888]

Welcome @Jayme to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.   Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me.