It's Been 20 years..It's time for me to heal

[Houston]

Hey @boxergal30, I'm sorry you have reason to be here. I joined a few months ago myself and have found this site and the people on here to be very kind and helpful. It's been about 20 years since the first time I was assaulted and I still struggle with it. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. 

[BrightSide]

@boxergal30 im glad your finding this site helpful. Sharing can be terrifying but very therapeutic also as you are finding.

I dont yet feel strong enough to share my story as such, in a post and actually write it down, find the words and expose it. But interestly I have realised that as I have read other peoples posts I have had my feelings and experiences validated and as I have responded and comforted others and am beginning to give myself that same comfort. As I have responded back to the negative thoughts of others I have began to see my own for what they are and as I have responded to others and reached out for help at times - I look back and realise little bits of my story have been written down without me realising. I feel panicky at first but with that same validation and comfort I feel supported and then proud of keeping it up. I joined in Feburay and in April I feel a different person! - stronger, more confident and self-accepting. I never want to leave this amazing place. B

30 years and time for me to heal x

Edited April 6, 2020 by BrightSide

[8888]

8 hours ago, boxergal30 said:

@8888    Thank you for reaching out with support helping me to fee welcome to the site and reiterating what happened to me wasn't my fault. 

Question:  how do i copy someones post on my reply? Make sense?

Do you mean quote someone's post like I just did here?  To do that click the "Quote" button under the post.  There is a plus sign just to the left of it.  Did that answer your question? 

[marcyabadeer]

14 hours ago, boxergal30 said:

@samantha2009 I have had a 2 really good nights on this site and let it all out with very weeping cries for hours and let it all out.  I am feeling so much better every time letting go of a portion of the anger, shame & guilt for I've held for 20 years.  Thank you for your continued support.

-K 🖤

I copied your Black heart but how do you do it on the keyboard  I Love it.  It's so fitting.

 

 

 

 

 

If you look at the top of the message box when you reply, there is a little smiley face and if you click on that it’ll drop a menu full of little smileys; there are all kinds of things  but another shortcut is typing :black heart: and a menu should automatically pop up where you can choose the black heart. I hope this helps!
 

sam 🖤

[And yet]

Hi, Boxergal30,

I am so sorry you need to be here, but so glad you have found us.  You deserve to be free of the shame and blame.  We all do!  You did not go into that relationship saying, "I am here to be abused."  None of us asked for or did anything that caused our abusers to do what they did.  Even though you still had feelings for your old boyfriend, it doesn't mean that you were saying that what he did was okay.  I still have feelings for my ex-husband although he abused and raped me.  It can feel very confusing, but sometimes it's those very feelings that they used to justify their utterly unacceptable behavior.   (Their craziness, not ours!)  That's part of what makes it horrible for us.  But, as you have already been reassured, what he did is in no way your fault.

May you find the healing and hope your seek by being part of this community of amazing and brave survivors,

And Yet

[boxergal30]

15 hours ago, 8888 said:

Do you mean quote someone's post like I just did here?  To do that click the "Quote" button under the post.  There is a plus sign just to the left of it.  Did that answer your question? 

@8888  Yes it did thank you

[boxergal30]

9 hours ago, samantha2009 said:

If you look at the top of the message box when you reply, there is a little smiley face and if you click on that it’ll drop a menu full of little smileys; there are all kinds of things  but another shortcut is typing :black heart: and a menu should automatically pop up where you can choose the black heart. I hope this helps!
 

sam 🖤

@samantha2009  Thank you!!!

🖤 -K

[marcyabadeer]

1 hour ago, boxergal30 said:

@samantha2009  Thank you!!!

🖤 -K

You are so welcome  

[8888]

16 hours ago, boxergal30 said:

@8888  Yes it did thank you

You are very welcome.

[Lovelylady]

On 4/5/2020 at 5:58 PM, boxergal30 said:

@Lovelylady  Thank you for showing support.  I am very new to this support group and just now learned how to do the @name thing.  Thank you so much for taking the time to making me feel welcome as from a newby makes me feel so welcome

-K

You’re welcome. I’m glad you feel welcome. Everyone deserves a safe place to belong.