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It's Been 20 years..It's time for me to heal

boxergal30

By boxergal30,
in Public: Welcome!

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boxergal30

boxergal30

Posted
Posted (edited)

Who am I...I could say a dog mom, wife of 18 years, a people pleasure & great friend but......the most important part of who I am today and what has made me the emotional fighter I am today is that most of all...I am a Sexual Abuse Survivor

How I found 'After Silence'...I googled Sexual/Rape Abuse Survivor Groups

What I hope to gain from being a member:  address my pent up emotions and allow myself to feel and heal and feel empowered 

Edited by boxergal30
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missfrier

missfrier

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Dear boxergal30

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

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marcyabadeer

marcyabadeer

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@boxergal30 Hello and Welcome! I am so sorry you have trauma that brings you here, but we are so glad you have found us :) You are not alone in this battle. I hope being here with us can bring you comfort in knowing there are others here who can understand you. We are all here to help each other make more sense of everything together.

sam 🖤

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MeBeMary

MeBeMary

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Posted
11 hours ago, boxergal30 said:

Who am I...I could say a dog mom, wife of 18 years, a people pleasure & great friend but......the most important part of who I am today and what has made me the emotional fighter I am today is that most of all...I am a Sexual Abuse Survivor

How I found 'After Silence'...I googled Sexual/Rape Abuse Survivor Groups

What I hope to gain from being a member:  address my pent up emotions and allow myself to feel and heal and feel empowered 

Hi boxergal,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you have gone thru, but assure you that you have found a very supportive site with members that are very understanding and kind. Many of us have found this place, just like you have. I am glad you took a chance to reach out. None of us deserved the hurt and abuse we have gone thru, but we can boost each other up in the difficult times.

The most important part of what you say that made you an emotional fighter...Survivor. You truly are. I wish you many steps to continue on your way to be even more empowered than you are now. You deserve this.

Mary

:supportu: 

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8888

8888

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Welcome boxergal30 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.   Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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Poppy_

Poppy_

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Hi, @boxergal30 - 

Welcome to After Silence! I hope that you are able to release some of that pent up energy and use it for something positive. :) I'm sure this community will be supportive to you just as they have been for every other person here! If you ever need anything, let me know! 

Wishing you the best,
Poppy

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psh

psh

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Hi @boxergal30!

YES- 2020 is time to heal~  we can do it! I also just joined the group after a a similar late night search, followed by a quandary to several local therapists... 

 

Please let me knnow if you'd like to be penpals (of sorts)? No pressure- just exercising my "sharing" and "openness" muscles which are very tight.  :)

Have a lovely day~

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boxergal30

boxergal30

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need to build more trust...overwhelmed addressing feelings in writing still to an open forum........been eating and drinking emotions and suppressing for so long.....cant hardly talk to my very supportive and loving hubby

sorry

-K

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marcyabadeer

marcyabadeer

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@boxergal30 it is okay! We understand. You don’t have to feel pressured to share anything at all. We are here for you. I understand this can all be so overwhelming. There is no pressure on you at all for anything here I hope you know that and it helps you feel more comfortable. 

ps:I can relate. I can’t talk to my husband either :( 

sitting with you if okay?

sam🖤

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psh

psh

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@boxergal30 I am glad youre here and glad i found this space, too. I am sorry if my .. zealousness, my excitement made you feel pressure or discomfort. I am learning that healing happenes on our own time and just wanting you to know youre supported! 

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boxergal30

boxergal30

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you didn't do anything wrong PSH and thank you for reaching out.  I truly do appreciate the positive posts i have received.  

& yes Samantha thank you for 'sitting with me'

I seek to forgive my 17 year old self for putting myself in a position to allow it to happen.  My story is a Lifetime Television for Women movie.  A straight A's popular church going girl falls for the extremely insecure and controlling pretty boy.  I ran away from home to live with him at 17 when my parents told me i couldn't see him anymore. Within the 9 months i lived with him before I swallowed my pride and when back home, one of our on again and off again childish fights turned ugly.  Looking back all the rage he had been building for 16 years in his sad soul, he choose to take out on me in the worst way.  I remember begging the nurse at the free clinic not to call the police when she saw the bruises on my visit for free bc pills.  I have tried so many years to repress it and move on but this pain needs to be addressed for my to get my power back.  This forum is allowing me to do that and for that I am extremely grateful.  

I still cared for him after that....couldn't explain why until i read blogs on this site with several people who have went through so much more and wanted to go back to their abusers as well.  It was such a relief to know i'm not alone, this is normal.

 

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boxergal30

boxergal30

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@samantha2009 I have had a 2 really good nights on this site and let it all out with very weeping cries for hours and let it all out.  I am feeling so much better every time letting go of a portion of the anger, shame & guilt for I've held for 20 years.  Thank you for your continued support.

-K 🖤

I copied your Black heart but how do you do it on the keyboard  I Love it.  It's so fitting.

 

 

 

 

 

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boxergal30

boxergal30

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@SociallyAwkward  your quoted: allowing yourself to let it go is important. And part of that process is talking about it.  Keeping it secret can get extremely frustrating.

 

You are so right.  Keeping it pent up only breeds negative energy we manifest in unhealthy physiological & physical ways.  I truly thank you for welcoming me and reaching out.

-K

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boxergal30

boxergal30

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@BrightSide  Thank you so much for reaching out to me.  How have you been with reading and sharing?  As a newby....I can relate that it is very overwhelming as our repressed memories come back to life and force us to face them......which is what we need to heal.....but is so hard.

-K

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boxergal30

boxergal30

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@MeBeMary  You Quoted:The most important part of what you say that made you an emotional fighter...Survivor. You truly are. I wish you many steps to continue on your way to be even more empowered than you are now. You deserve this.

I have found so much support from this site and am so thankful for it.  Thank you so much for reaching out as I am feeling so comfortable to share.  And so far I have made so much headway.  I have shed so much guilt, shame & anger and have so much more to go.....i understand it will take time and am so thankful for people like you who reach out to newbys and I will make an attempt as well.  As paying it forward helps us all to heal.

-K

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