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hi all i am glad i found this forum. i'm a sexual assault and rape survivor. I was assaulted at 17 and have recovered and made my peace since its been more than 2 decades. but then i was raped a little over a year ago by an ex. the only person who knows is my fiance and he has been so supportive. we just moved in together and now that i am with him everyday I have been having issues with not wanting to be intimate and anxiety with thoughts of the rape. all of a sudden is very present, I find when my fiance gets angry (not with me, with his staff on the phone while he works from home during this lockdown) i find myself getting anxious and worried that he'll get angry at me one day. he has never been angry with me, he is so gentle and kind with me, but lately any mood shift in him affects me and reminds me of my narcissistic ex that took advantage of my drunken state one night. i dont know how to find peace and to move beyond this.

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@thefuturemrsh I am new as well. I am so sorry that you are going through this, but I am happy that you found this community! You are not alone, and we are here to get through and heal from our situations with the support of each other!

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@thefuturemrsh Hello and welcome to After Silence! I am so sorry for the trauma that brings you here, but I am glad you found us :) 

I am sorry to hear you are on edge lately. I can relate to that right about now! You are not alone in this pain.

i hope this site can bring you the comfort and understanding you are seeking. I know it has for me! 
 

sam 🖤

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Welcome to After Silence, @thefuturemrsh - although I'm sorry to hear of the circumstances that have led you here, I'm hopeful that being here will inspire lots of comfort, healing and growth. :)  You are among many others who understand and you're not alone.

All the best,
Capulet

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Dear thefuturemrsh

Welcome to After Silence.  I am sorry to hear of the trauma you have been through!

Being here has helped me so much.   Everyone is so caring and supportive here.  I am proud of you for reaching out.  I know that is hard to do.  I also know that you will find that needed compassion and support here within our community.  Know we are here for you and we will listen whenever you would like to lean on us.    

Take care and please do not hesitate to ask for any help if you ever need it.

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22 hours ago, thefuturemrsh said:

hi all i am glad i found this forum. i'm a sexual assault and rape survivor. I was assaulted at 17 and have recovered and made my peace since its been more than 2 decades. but then i was raped a little over a year ago by an ex. the only person who knows is my fiance and he has been so supportive. we just moved in together and now that i am with him everyday I have been having issues with not wanting to be intimate and anxiety with thoughts of the rape. all of a sudden is very present, I find when my fiance gets angry (not with me, with his staff on the phone while he works from home during this lockdown) i find myself getting anxious and worried that he'll get angry at me one day. he has never been angry with me, he is so gentle and kind with me, but lately any mood shift in him affects me and reminds me of my narcissistic ex that took advantage of my drunken state one night. i dont know how to find peace and to move beyond this.

Hi thefuturemrsh,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for both traumas you have endured and the struggles you are now facing. You are not alone. You will find tons of support here from our many understanding members. I am also glad you have found support with your fiance. Real world support is often difficult to find for many survivors.

I am sorry you feel anxious as he tries to navigate working in lockdown. Generally, there is a lot of worry over the economy and how businesses can get past this lockdown phase. It may be his frustration on keeping things afloat until we are past the lockdown. If you can, perhaps avoid being nearby when he is on the phone. If that is not possible, maybe finding a good pair of headphones? The pandemic will end, so be patient.

I am glad you found us and decided to join. I wish you many steps as you walk down the path of healing.

Mary

:supportu: 

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Welcome @thefuturemrsh to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.   Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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Hi, @thefuturemrsh - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm so sorry for what you're going through with your fiancé and for the things in your past. I haven't been in the same position, but I can offer some comfort if you need that :) I hope that you are able to connect with other survivors that can help you through this! 

If you need anything, I'm just a quick message away! 

Best,
Poppy

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