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onedayhero

Unsure if I'm allowed to post here

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Before I start posting I'd like to make sure that it's actually ok for me to be here. I don't want to invade a place that I'm not supposed to be in.

This forum is for survivors of sexual abuse. I on the other hand am lucky to say that I have never experienced sexual abuse.

My reasoning behind signing up is that  I am struggling with my sexuality (conflicting feelings of fear, shame and insecurity) and i am still trying to find out what's causing it. And while I have not experienced abuse, I have been exposed to what I'd like to call sexually inappropriate behaviour. Meaning people have talked about sex or behaved sexually in my presence when I was still quite young. It might be completely unrelated but I am wondering if this could be a possible factor causing my problematic relationship with sex.

I assume that this might be something many people here have experience with and I therefore thought you might be able go give me some advice. On the other hand I fear it might be inappropriate and selfish for me to waltz in here when I do not really have any business being here.

I'd like to hear what you think.

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I’m relatively new to this site myself but I don’t think it would cause too much trouble if you’re here. You might even learn how to help with someone you know who tells you that they’ve been sexually assaulted or abused. Victim blaming is quite common among survivors and people that they tell their stories to. I was victim blamed myself and I tried so hard to repress what happened to me because I was never told at the time it wasn’t my fault. It was a horrible seventeen years I went through repressing everything and trying to force myself to forget because I truly believed if I denied anything had happened and made myself forget everything then it would be gone forever and never had happened.

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5 hours ago, onedayhero said:

I have been exposed to what I'd like to call sexually inappropriate behaviour. Meaning people have talked about sex or behaved sexually in my presence when I was still quite young.

@onedayhero - this may not seem like abuse because it wasn't of the physical sort, but in a way, it is.  You do not have to be inappropriately touched for something to qualify as being abuse or for a situation to be wrong on many levels.  I am a survivor of domestic violence, yet my ex-husband never 'hit' me.  Mental/emotional forms of abuse are JUST as damaging as the physical, if you ask me.  If you were a child and were exposed to inappropriate sexual behavior, the person(s) who did so were not taking into consideration your age or trying to shield you from unhealthy sexual behavior - instead they showed it to you, it IS likely that's caused an impact.  I'm sorry that's happened. :(  It COULD have a lot to do with your struggles involving sexuality and sex in general, but it also may not as truthfully, many individuals grapple with sexuality issues on a daily basis - whether they do or don't have abuse/sexual trauma in their background.

You're welcome to look around here and see if anybody has any input or advice for you on this, but I do suggest maybe talking things through with a therapist or counselor who specializes in sexuality issues....he or she may be able to help you get to the root of things that way. :)  Remember though, we are all different - and we all cope differently.  There are some of us who have had different levels of exposure to inappropriate sexual behavior or violence and have dealt with it in different ways.  Only you can truly understand your own questions and answers, whatever they may be, and ultimately decide what is best for yourself.  

Wishing you all the luck in the world.  :)

Best wishes,
Capulet

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@Captain Jigglypuff @Capulet

Hello and thank you for your input

It's interesting... I never thought this too could qualify as abuse in a way. I don't know how to feel about that.

Can people unintentionally abuse others? Like... by just not paying attention to what things they are exposing others to.

I guess I'll just open a thread about that stuff

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I'm not sure where to post about the above mentioned kind of problem. I thought I'd post in the "Share your story" (or what it's called) section but I've reached ten posts and still can't access it, so I assume that's because I registered as a secondary survivor?

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Hi @onedayhero

First welcome to AS.  I want to say that you are absolutely welcome here. I agree 100% with what Capulet said. Abuse or trauma does not have to be physical and if no one was there to stop you from witnessing those inappropriate behaviors at such a young age then it is possible to see how that could impact you later on. We don't compare traumas here. Just having to face trauma is enough. Trauma is trauma and we are all here trying to heal from it.  I'm sure you will be able to find people here that can relate to your experiences and help you to feel less alone. 

Because you are a Secondary Survivor you do not have access to the "Share your story" forum. If you talk with @Capulet you might be able to change your member category. 

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Hi onedayhero,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what you've been thru, but you have found a supportive site with many understanding members. As the others have suggested, abuse can come in many ways, shapes, and forms. I know questions can be difficult and confusing, but the most important thing you are doing is facing those questions. Often times it is shrugged off, but struggles continue.

You have asked if people can unintentionally abuse others. People can be careless and neglectful, but this would not give them a pass. Adults are not only responsible for themselves, but the children they raise or in some way responsible for. I would think once could be considered and accident, but repeated is irresponsible. This is probably what you are not wanting to hear, so I am sorry for that.

I do wish you well on this journey of understanding and healing.

Mary

:aswelcomesu:

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Welcome @onedayhero to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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