I'll try to keep this short

[Small•Pot]

I chose the screen name "Small Pot" because my mom used to call me her small pot since I was handy to have around, but you can call me Smalls I guess.  I've started & restarted this introduction more times than I care to mention.  Pardon any spelling or spacing issues on this on as I'm using my tablet in bed.  I don't really know what to say about myself, I honestly don't feel like I know who I am.  I'm a wife to an amazing man.  A mother to a special needs child.  But aside from that, I have no idea.  

Once when I was very very young I had dreams of arguing cases in a courtroom.  I became a stay at home mom to an amazing son that needed me in ways that trumped any possible courtroom victory.  I regret nothing when it comes to my family without a doubt, but I do still wonder about the girl before.  Would she have gone to college? Doesn't really matter, she doesn't exist.

Don't get me wrong.  I love my life.  I love my family.

I just don't know how to talk to them.

Ok.  I'm starting to ramble so it's time to shut up for a bit lol sorry.

Thanks for reading.

 

Smalls

 

[patriciag]

Hi smalls, welcome to AS, I am sorry for the tramua that you have been through. There are many of here that understand what you are feeling and trying to find out who we are. Like you what I do know about me is I am a wife, mother and now a grandmother. You are not alone here.

Patricia 

[missfrier]

Dear smalls

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

[Iamhere2]

Welcome,

It is very hard to tell someone especially your family. My husband is the only one and one friend that knows. You sound like you have a wonderful boy who you can love and give support to. Sometimes when you help others it eases the pain in yourself. 

5 hours ago, patriciag said:

Hi smalls, welcome to AS, I am sorry for the tramua that you have been through. There are many of here that understand what you are feeling and trying to find out who we are. Like you what I do know about me is I am a wife, mother and now a grandmother. You are not alone here.

Patricia 

 

[marcyabadeer]

@Small•Pot welcome smalls! I am very sorry for whatever trauma/ pain brought you here. It can also be extremely lonely when we isolate ourselves with that pain. I relate to your post because I used to keep my past completely separate from my husband. I never wanted him to know, never wanted him to look at me differently. I don’t know how to speak to him about it either. Even though he found out things, I still can’t speak to him out loud about those things.  It’s very difficult. You are not alone in your struggle with this

im sitting with you

sam

[8888]

Welcome @Small•Pot to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[Capulet]

Welcome to AS, Smalls.   Glad you are here, although I'm sorry that circumstances have led you here.  I hope you will find our community to be welcoming and a valuable resource in your healing processes!

Best wishes,
Capulet

[MeBeMary]

12 hours ago, Small•Pot said:

I chose the screen name "Small Pot" because my mom used to call me her small pot since I was handy to have around, but you can call me Smalls I guess.  I've started & restarted this introduction more times than I care to mention.  Pardon any spelling or spacing issues on this on as I'm using my tablet in bed.  I don't really know what to say about myself, I honestly don't feel like I know who I am.  I'm a wife to an amazing man.  A mother to a special needs child.  But aside from that, I have no idea.  

Once when I was very very young I had dreams of arguing cases in a courtroom.  I became a stay at home mom to an amazing son that needed me in ways that trumped any possible courtroom victory.  I regret nothing when it comes to my family without a doubt, but I do still wonder about the girl before.  Would she have gone to college? Doesn't really matter, she doesn't exist.

Don't get me wrong.  I love my life.  I love my family.

I just don't know how to talk to them.

Ok.  I'm starting to ramble so it's time to shut up for a bit lol sorry.

Thanks for reading.

 

Smalls

 

Hi Smalls.

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry what happened to you and the struggles you face today. Although you did nothing wrong, what happened did change you. It changes us all. I am glad you ended up with a family you deserved. I understand how hard it may be to communicate the trauma you have endured. This can be quite normal. You have found a wonderful community, with many supportive and understanding members. Be assured you are not alone. I wish you the best as you walk this path of healing.

Mary

[Small•Pot]

Thank you all for you warm welcomes. 

Sorry I didn't reply sooner but I guess just speaking about it even peripherally was a bit more overwhelming than I expected, but thank you for making it feel less scary.

[Struggling88]

Hi, Small Pot, and welcome!