9 years later it’s all coming out

[MissTattoo]

Hello all!

this is my first post and I’m just really in need of some support right now. It’s quite a long one to explain but I’ll try my best!

9 years ago I was raped by someone I thought was a friend but also a professional, as I was his customer at the time. I never reported it to the police because I was ashamed, embarrassed and felt guilty at the prospect of destroying his career in the process. So I kept silent for all this time until an industry magazine posted up on Instagram about calling out similar perpetrators. The industry we’re in is hugely male dominated and it has a deep seated culture of men abusing their positions of power.

This magazine is attempting to share abuse stories from survivors in an attempt to raise awareness, but also calls for a change in attitudes. It was asking for testimonials, so I contributed my story anonymously. 

However I'm still  worried my abuser will recognise the story and try to retaliate, or smear me publicly so people are less likely to believe me. I’m scared for the possibility of a backlash towards me, and the potential guilt that I may feel at destroying someone’s career.

In the same breath though, he chose to abuse me, he did something horrendous to me, so why do I still feel bad about speaking up?

 

really confused and unsure

L x

 

[marcyabadeer]

Hello @MissTattoo. I’m sorry you were violated by someone you were supposed to be able to trust /: I can relate to that.. I think it’s great you were able to send in your story though! That’s a start to being able to admit what happened. I know the fears of opening up about these things too. Being scared they will do something out of anger and malice; but you were hurt by him. He may see it and be mad but he also chose to do what he did. He was wrong. 
I know the feelings you are struggling with don’t just go away no matter what anyone says, but know you are not alone with your feelings. he is the wrong one. You shouldn’t harbor any guilt about his career or anything like that. 

I really know how you feel... I wish there was some great advice I could give because I have been through something so very similar!   
long story short, the first time I tried to turn my rapist in I went to my school about it where he then lost his teaching license. Honestly, he did retaliate but I think it was because it was so soon after the incident. After that first attempt went nowhere, my rapists name was published In a newspaper article. Each time there was retaliation from him but In the end I don’t regret trying to say something. He did end up losing his credentials. I’ve never felt guilty about that though because he needed to not be in the position he was. He was preying on teenagers. He was wrong. 
I hope you can find peace from this pain soon 
sitting with you if okay?

sam

[MeBeMary]

Hi Miss Tattoo,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what happened to you 9 years ago, but you will find tons of support here. Our community is filled with understanding and kind members. You are not alone.  It was very brave of you to submit your story, even anonymously. Telling and sharing an abusive story is never easy. I am sorry that you worry at being recognized. If there are many stories, I would think that the chances are not very good, especially after 9 years.

He did do something awful, but you are not alone in feeling timid about possible backlash. This is why the majority of survivors never come forward. It isn't fair, but victim-blaming is sadly common and not many of us want to be put thru it again. So even telling your story the way you did, was very brave. Do not doubt that.

I am glad that you decided to reach out and I wish you the best on your journey of healing.

Mary

[Poppy_]

Hi, @MissTattoo - 

Welcome to After Silence!! I'm so sorry to hear about the circumstance that brought you here. I can't imagine how nervous and afraid you must be! If he does recognize the story, he has no right to slander you because you can always call him out for what he did. At the same time, that doesn't mean he WON'T say something either. If he DOES call you out though, he would have to admit that he recognized the story and confess that he did hurt you. So really, all of this would fall back on him not matter what he does. 

I hope he doesn't see it and try to retaliate. Just know that you have the right to share your story and HE will be the one that ends up hurt if he calls you out about it. I know this wasn't the best advice, but I'm hoping it helped in some way or another. If you need anything, feel free to send me a message! I can try to help talks things out with you if you need it  

I hope you're feeling encouraged! 

Wishing you all the best,
Poppy

[8888]

Welcome @MissTattoo  to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

You have the right to share your story.  For many people sharing their story is very healing.  It allows people to be heard and acts as a way to take back power.  There could be backlash though so I guess you'd have to decide if it's worth taking the risk.  Also, consider if you are strong enough emotionally to handle any backlash should it happen.  Though I tend to think sharing anonymously would be okay. 

Edited January 13, 2020 by 8888

[goldraindrops]

Dear @MissTattoo,

I'm sorry for the suffering you've endured - we know all about rape, betrayal and the dilemma of bringing your story to light (even anonymously).  People told me for years that it wasn't my fault, and finally, I've started to believe it.  

So today, I'll tell you that it wasn't your fault, you don't owe your perpetrator anything, and you should do whatever feels right to you, in your own time.  

Wishing you support, comfort and healing, 

Gold Raindrops  

 

[missfrier]

Dear @MissTattoo

Welcome to After Silence.  I am sorry to hear of the trauma you have been through!

Being here has helped me so much.   Everyone is so caring and supportive here.  I am proud of you for reaching out.  I know that is hard to do.  I also know that you will find that needed compassion and support here within our community.  Know we are here for you and we will listen whenever you would like to lean on us.    

Take care and please do not hesitate to ask for any help if you ever need it.

[Struggling88]

Hi, MissTattoo, and welcome!