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Hi, I just kinda have felt really alone lately so I figured I would try and see if this would help. I know that I'm not supposed to look at myself like a victim but it's so hard. I was raped in my dorm room 2 months ago. I haven't really be able to function since. He's also a student on my campus and so I walk around scared all the time because I feel like he'll come back or something. The police aren't able to charge him with anything and my school is doing nothing because he's a football player so I don't really know what else to do. I feel like it's my fault and no matter how many times people tell me it isn't I still have all this guilt and it won't go away. I feel so lost and broken and I still have to make sure that I keep my grades intact so I can graduate but most days I don't even want to leave my bed. I had to switch dorm rooms because I couldn't sleep in the other one. I just don't want to be alone anymore.

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Welcome @Jai311 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  I'm sorry to hear the police and your school aren't doing anything.  I understand that it is hard not to see yourself as a victim.  I used to see myself as a victim too but now I see myself as a survivor.  Take your time exploring here and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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Hello Jai,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am so very sorry for what happened to you 2 months ago. It was not fair nor was it right. I understand what you mean about the word victim, but we need to try and put the word in perspective. I have come to accept that "victim" is who we were at the time of the trauma..."survivor" is the person who emerges...the one who struggles and fights and does their best to carry on. I hope you will see yourself passed the victim portion of your trauma eventually.

I am sorry that you have gotten no help, in regards to your trauma. It was a crime and it was immoral. Sadly, justice is such a difficult thing. I respect you for speaking out. I know it wasn't easy. I am sorry they didn't hear you. You deserved at least that.

You are not alone, friend. You have found a community filled with understanding and kind members. You will find support and be validated. This is not your fault. He made a selfish and cruel choice and nobody ever ever deserves this hurt.

Take your time to look around. Interact where you fill ready and comfortable to do so. I wish you well as you begin this journey of healing.

Mary

:notalone: 

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Hi, Jai311, and welcome to AS! I’m sorry for what you went through and that no one is doing anything about it. That must be so hard to deal with. What happened wasn’t your fault at all. You are not alone. You have a voice. We are here for you. :notalone:

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It's so hard to talk about. My close friends and family know but I feel like talking about it just makes me a disappointment. I feel like it's such a shameful thing and that it shouldn't be talked about. But so often I just want to scream to the world that I'm not okay and that something is wrong, but because of society norms I have to keep my mouth shut and not let anything crack through. It's exhausting.

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Dear jai311

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

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Hi, @Jai311 - 

Welcome to After Silence. I'm so sorry for what happened to you 2 months ago. My heart is truly breaking for you. I know it's hard to talk about, but I'm hoping as you get more comfortable here, you'll feel like you can share more and that will help you to get some of this off your chest. I understand all of the feelings you're having because I've experience all of those exact same feelings, but the truth is, none of this was your fault and you can't blame yourself. I know it's hard not to, but you just have to remind yourself that you didn't do this to yourself - he did it. 

I'm hoping you will find support and validation here. We all want to support you during this difficult time. Just know you can reach out to me any time for anything at all. I'm here for you :throb: You are not alone. 

Hugs if you want them,
Poppy

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