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Julia99

new here - my story

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Hello! i am new here...

my parents are divorced and my mom had different boyfriends, and one of them abused me when i was younger. It started when i was 10/11 years old and finished when i was 15/16 years old...

he never forced me with violence, but he take advantage because i was so young and innocent and i trusted him....

now i am around 20... but sometimes i still remember every single thing... i cannot remove them from my mind, and in addition some days ago i saw him at a mall and he talked to me like never it happened... this is so weird...

sorry if my english is not perfect but it is not my first language...

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Hi Julia,

Welcome. I am fairly new to this community but everyone here has been so supportive. 

I'm sorry for what you went through- you did not deserve that at all.

Are you in therapy or have you thought about seeking help? This has been helpful for me with those thoughts/flashbacks/memories that come up.

 

You are not alone. Feel free to message me at any time.

Safe hugs if that is okay. 

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Hi @Julia99 - welcome to After Silence.  I'm so sorry to learn of the trauma at the hands of your mom's boyfriend, that has brought you here.  None of that was your fault - all of it is 100% completely his fault.

You will find that you are not alone and there are many others who understand what you're going through!  

Please take all the time you need to look around and feel free to give a shout if there's ever anything you need help with.

Best wishes,
Capulet

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3 minutes ago, redadmirals said:

Hi Julia,

Welcome. I am fairly new to this community but everyone here has been so supportive. 

I'm sorry for what you went through- you did not deserve that at all.

Are you in therapy or have you thought about seeking help? This has been helpful for me with those thoughts/flashbacks/memories that come up.

 

You are not alone. Feel free to message me at any time.

Safe hugs if that is okay. 

thank you very much!

no i am not on therapy because i never told that to my mom or parents... i always tried to survive by myself, and i think with time it went well... but seeing him it wasnt easy, i remembered everything in a once...

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Just now, Julia99 said:

thank you very much!

no i am not on therapy because i never told that to my mom or parents... i always tried to survive by myself, and i think with time it went well... but seeing him it wasnt easy, i remembered everything in a once...

I'm not sure how old you are. I cannot give professional advice on here and would not; but all I can say/suggest is:

Do you feel safe to tell your parents/mom? Or someone at your school? Many schools offer counselors and therapists, or can direct you to therapists in your area. Depending on where you live as well, there are support groups and different options. Crisis centers you can call to offer you resources.

 

All of this being said, I am glad you are here. Big step in joining and posting. 

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Welcome @Julia99 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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Dear Julia99 

Welcome to After Silence!!

I'm sorry for what you have been through.  I find it is easier to talk on forums then out loud.  Being here has helped me so much, even from the first time I ever posted.  It is still helping me - I have so much support here and I know you will, as well.  Here at AS, we are like a big family and our members are kind and non-judgemental.

I am sending you lots of safe hugs! 

Take care!

 

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HI Julia, glad you are speaking! The more you do the lighter the burden; and it IS a burden to live with the memories, just keep in mind that dealing and healing and thriving is in your future, don't question that for a moment.  And that you sought support shows your strenght, there is lots of support for you.  You are you best advocate, and advocating by speaking.

Sorry for the triggering when you saw the perp, yea - "no big deal attitude" is weird to the rest of us, but not uncommon for these abusers, its a way to keep you silent.  When mom sold the family home of 65yrs and moved into the rapist marital home at 90yrs old, I chose to get loud. When I saw my brother/rapist, which was not too often as adults since we lived in different states, but he was 'there' since I was contantly in contact with my parents, and there was the "UNSPOKEN" chill, and I dared not rock the emotions of mommy and daddy.walked on eggshells. Confronted brother around 30yrs ago, he was an asshole, but I bought his crappy lies (said he was ashamed, and I actually felt bad for him! wow.  But it did alleviate some baggage, and opened the door to a wonderful 30yr marriage, happiness galore.  

Yea, finally got tired of protecting everyone else and chose to post everything on facebook, not TOO salacious, but enough to let the PUBLIC see that child rape happens everywhere, and silence helps the perpetrator. It took me 50yrs to get to this point, interesting responses, most do not know what to say, so I shared some pointers from RAINN and other places.   Amazingly, speaking out led me to discover South Carolina lifted the statute of limitations 6yrs ago, so I filed the report, the investigation is underway.  Wonder if mommy dearest will cooperate? I feel better whatever happens, and won't shut up. 

At 20, you've got a hell of a good start, Julia, you acknowledge that you were manipulated due to your youth and have a jump start on the hurdle so many have, feelings that they were complicit, or even initiated the abuse.  Keep it up, you are MORE than just woth it.  

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thank you everyone for the nice words... it makes me feel better writing about it without being judged... :)

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