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Hi there. I can’t believe I actually signed up for this. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, like I am terribly alone. My situations happened so long ago that it feels like they might not even count but yet here I am. I live a very charmed life, I’m successful (in terms of what I deem success anyway) I’m happily married and I’m fine... at least that’s what i tell myself. I just have this awful dark stain on my life that I tried to bury but it came back up and now I’m finally dealing with it. Dealing with tons of shame and guilt and paranoia that I never addressed. It hasn’t been easy but reaching out to other people who might understand and sympathize was recommended, especially since the last time i tried to talk about this I was called a liar and totally dismissed. I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve here. I’m sorry if I’m being vague and weird, I’m just not great at this sort of self disclosure. 

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@mess take all the time you need.  It doesn’t matter if it happened yesterday or 100 years ago your feelings are still valid and very real.    I’m having a brain fog day... when you say reaching out to other people do you mean us or in real life?  Someone is pretty much always here if you need to talk (and they’re within days of having a chatroom option again).  

Have you tried working with a therapist?  Having the right one is a godsend but they can be hard to find.  Welcome to AS!!  

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Welcome to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here.  We welcome all survivors regardless of what happened or when it happened.  I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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Dear @mess

Welcome to After Silence!!

I'm sorry for what you have been through.  I find it is easier to talk on forums then out loud.  Being here has helped me so much, even from the first time I ever posted.  It is still helping me - I have so much support here and I know you will, as well.  Here at AS, we are like a big family and our members are kind and non-judgemental.

I am sending you lots of safe hugs! 

Take care!

 
 

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2 hours ago, ShatteredSouI said:

@mess take all the time you need.  It doesn’t matter if it happened yesterday or 100 years ago your feelings are still valid and very real.    I’m having a brain fog day... when you say reaching out to other people do you mean us or in real life?  Someone is pretty much always here if you need to talk (and they’re within days of having a chatroom option again).  

Have you tried working with a therapist?  Having the right one is a godsend but they can be hard to find.  Welcome to AS!!  

Thanks for responding, I am working with a therapist. I have been for a little over s year now and I really like them but i guess I needed something a bit more. They recommended I join a group or community like this and online seemed a little less scary than in real life. 

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2 hours ago, 8888 said:

Welcome to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here.  We welcome all survivors regardless of what happened or when it happened.  I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

Thank you

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7 minutes ago, missfrier said:

Dear @mess

Welcome to After Silence!!

I'm sorry for what you have been through.  I find it is easier to talk on forums then out loud.  Being here has helped me so much, even from the first time I ever posted.  It is still helping me - I have so much support here and I know you will, as well.  Here at AS, we are like a big family and our members are kind and non-judgemental.

I am sending you lots of safe hugs! 

Take care!

 
 

Thanks for responding, and same here I don’t think I can say it out loud so hopefully this is easier. 

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 Your. Very welcome  i find. It easier. Here to. Talk about my experices. Than. I do.  I. Person we are all. With u and u don't have. To. Do it on. Ur. Own.  Lean on. Us. For. Support.  

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I didn’t tell a soul about my assault for ten years. By then I was married and nearly out of college. It was very difficult getting past the notion that my assault wasn’t relevant anymore or that people wouldn’t believe me. I really feel for you because I felt that too at one time. What I have come to learn though, is that most people are compassionate and while they might be confused as to why it’s just coming up now, they will support you. The harder lesson I learned is that not everyone will be that way. You may encounter a few people unwilling to understand your struggle, but the upside to this is that your true friends reveal themselves and those that aren’t supportive are that much easier to cut out. Don’t waste your time and energy on people that are willingly ignorant- they are a drain on your life and you deserve better friends anyways. I like to think of it as having more time to spend with the people that truly matter in my life. I know that’s easier said than done, and I say all of this without knowing the details of your relationships, but it’s what helped me get through it. Best of luck to you on your journey :)

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Hi @mess

Welcome to AS.  I'm sorry for the trauma in your life that has brought you here, but I'm glad you found the site and decided to join.  This is a safe space and we are all here to support each other.  Just because what happened to you occurred many years ago, it does not make your pain any less real or valid.  Additionally, your successes in other parts of your life do not diminish what happened to you either.  Sharing your experiences and opening up to others can be difficult, but it can also be beneficial for the healing process.  We will all believe you here.  It will take time, but you will heal from this.  Reach out if you need anything. 

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20 hours ago, mess said:

Hi there. I can’t believe I actually signed up for this. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, like I am terribly alone. My situations happened so long ago that it feels like they might not even count but yet here I am. I live a very charmed life, I’m successful (in terms of what I deem success anyway) I’m happily married and I’m fine... at least that’s what i tell myself. I just have this awful dark stain on my life that I tried to bury but it came back up and now I’m finally dealing with it. Dealing with tons of shame and guilt and paranoia that I never addressed. It hasn’t been easy but reaching out to other people who might understand and sympathize was recommended, especially since the last time i tried to talk about this I was called a liar and totally dismissed. I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve here. I’m sorry if I’m being vague and weird, I’m just not great at this sort of self disclosure. 

Hi mess,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for all that you have gone thru, but you will find tons of support here. Our members truly are understanding and kind. In terms of when it happened...many of us are also dealing with older traumas. Healing can take a very long time...sometimes two steps forward, then two back. I think we all make the goal of more forward steps. I also came here many years after my trauma (30+ years). It's never too late to work on things and find support. Reaching out is a brave, forward step in this journey. I wish you many more forward steps on this healing journey.

Oh, and be assured. You are validated here. You are believed. You are not alone. 

Mary

:notalone: 

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@JJJ thank you for responding, I just don’t know if it’s even worth telling anyone for these exact reasons. It does make me feel better to know I’m not the only one, though I’m really sorry that you went through what you did. This just really isn’t easy. 

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@MeBeMary This is exactly how it feels, like I get so far and then I end up going ten steps back. Thank you for the kind words. 

Edited by mess

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Dear @mess,

Welcome to After Silence.  I think many of us can relate to your feelings.  We do our best to lead normal lives and meet our responsibilities and obligations, but we carry pain from what happened to us and do our best to heal.

You will find many kind and supportive people here.  

Blessings,

Gold Raindrops

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hi @mess

i'm sorry for what brought you here but you have found an amazing community of kind a supportive people.

Post when you feel ready and you will be heard.

best wishes and safe hugs if ok :hug:

vit

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