Hey

[Csprin1]

Hi, I am new to this site and am so thankful that I have found it. However, I'm not thankful that we're all here for the reasons we are. 

I'm not going to go into details, I havent gotten that far. But I am going to discuss my abuse, from my half brother, briefly, and suicidal thoughts. So, if those are triggers for you, please dont read it. 

I was sexually abused for 8 years by my half brother. There were 3 time, as well, where my neighbor did. 

I have suppressed it for as long as I could, and these past few years, its been seeping out. It feels so fresh, and painful. But, I'm glad I was able to suppress it until I was strong enough to handle it. I dont feel very strong, but I know as a teen with the lack of support I have, I would've killed myself. I know this, because I struggle with the thoughts, now. I wouldn't do it, I have 4 kids who would die without me. But, I still think how great it'd be to not wake up. 

I write a lot about my pain. It helps me process what I am feeling. I haven't gotten to the point to where I can really call them by name, even in writing. My half brother, the heroin addict, and my neighbor, the Christian, is how i refer to them. If you're religious, please don't take offense to that. I am too, but he hides behind God, like his actions didn't matter, and that's the worst kind of Christian. So, I guess I ironically call him that. But i mean no offense. 

Anyway, i have my bachelor's in elementary education and I'm getting ready to start my masters for SPED. I have 4 kids, a husband, 3 fish, 2 dogs, and 4 amazing birds. 

Birds are my therapy animals. They're so fragile, and require so much attention to gain your trust. They're so timid, and so fragile. Every time one eats from my hand, I feel such a warmth in my soul. 💖🐦

I'm really glad to find a place where others understand. And I'm so sorry you've had something happen that's put you here, too. I do look forward to getting to know you all. Thanks for letting me join!

[8888]

Welcome to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready. 

I too was abused by a Christian.  People can call themselves whatever they want but regardless abusers are still abusers.  

Birds are such lovely animals.  If you are interested in sharing we have a pet pictures thread here:

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php?/topic/4987-pet-pictures/

[Csprin1]

I seen that! I habe to upload them to an imaging host, first. For some reason, they will not upload directly through my phone. 

[snmls]

Hi @Csprin1

Welcome to AS.  I'm sorry for the trauma in your life that has brought you here, but I'm glad you found the site and decided to join.  This is a safe space and we are all here to support each other.  Remember that you are stronger and braver than you believe and that you can and will heal.  It sounds like you have already taken steps toward healing and know what works best for you in terms of self care.  I look forward to seeing you around the site and hope that you end up finding this site as helpful as I do.  

[Struggling88]

Hi, Csprin1, and welcome! 

[missfrier]

Hi csprin

Welcome to After Silence!!

I'm sorry for what you have been through.  I find it is easier to talk on forums then out loud.  Being here has helped me so much, even from the first time I ever posted.  It is still helping me - I have so much support here and I know you will, as well.  Here at AS, we are like a big family and our members are kind and non-judgemental.

I am sending you lots of safe hugs! 

Take care 

[ShatteredSouI]

Hi csprin and welcome to AS.  I didn’t know we had a pet thread so I’m glad they tagged it here.  I’m still learning what’s here as well and mostly trying to gain enough courage to post.  

[Csprin1]

@ShatteredSouI I'm glad you're here! Not glad for what happened to you, that made you have to search for thus site, but glad you're here to talk. I understand the courage part. I've only gotten to the point where I can say I was sexually assaulted, to people. But going into details, its just still too hard. I'm always looking for new friends, though. I'm here if you ever need to talk!!