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edfisch

Hi All.

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Hi Everyone. I'm here because I am having a hard time dealing with the guilt of not telling someone about JF and what he did to me so many years ago. I feel like me not saying something put others at risk, and I don't know how to cope with that.  

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Hi, @edfisch - 

Welcome to After Silence!!!  I'm so sorry you have reason to be here but am hoping you will see that you've found a truly supportive community to be a part of.  There are many things that we, as survivors must cope with, and there is always support, here.  

Please do not feel guilty.  You are never responsible for the poor, hurtful choices that others decide to make.  I did not report my rape, either - and have struggled with the idea that having not said something had enabled the man who hurt me to hurt others - but this is not the case.  Our decision not to report is NOT permission for him to violate/offend someone else...this is ENTIRELY on your assailant.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

Best wishes,
Capulet

 

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Welcome to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  It's not your fault for not speaking out either; it can take some time to gather the strength.  Take your time exploring here and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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3 hours ago, edfisch said:

Hi Everyone. I'm here because I am having a hard time dealing with the guilt of not telling someone about JF and what he did to me so many years ago. I feel like me not saying something put others at risk, and I don't know how to cope with that.  

Hi edfisch,

Welcome to the AS community. I am very sorry for what you experienced, but do know you are not to blame. Not for what he did to you or for any worry your have for someone else. Sadly, there are reasons for such a small report rate and we all do what we need to do to process and heal for ourselves. We are never responsible for the actions of manipulative and cruel people. I am glad that you have reached out tho. It is a huge step, one of many that I hope you share for us here at AS. Wishing you the best.

Mary

:notalone: 

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6 hours ago, edfisch said:

Hi Everyone. I'm here because I am having a hard time dealing with the guilt of not telling someone about JF and what he did to me so many years ago. I feel like me not saying something put others at risk, and I don't know how to cope with that.  

Dear @edfisch

Welcome to After Silence!!

I'm sorry for what you have been through.  I find it is easier to talk on forums then out loud.  Being here has helped me so much, even from the first time I ever posted.  It is still helping me - I have so much support here and I know you will, as well.  Here at AS, we are like a big family and our members are kind and non-judgemental.

I am sending you lots of safe hugs! :hug:

Take care!

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Dear @edfisch,

I'm so sorry for the pain you've been carrying.  I dealt with the same feelings for a long time.

I am happy you found us, because there are many kind and supportive people here who understand the suffering of abuse and the feelings that come up in the aftermath.

Feel free to read through the site and post whenever you like.

Blessings,

Gold Raindrops

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Hey Again.  I'm not sure what to even say or how to get started.  I'm married and have two little kids.  My wife and I are having problems.  I don't want to lie to you guys, that is why I first came to the site.  She thinks that I'm too controlling and she partly blames it on what happened to me when I was a kid.  She knows a little about what happened, not a lot, but she is the only one I have ever told anything to.  She told me this summer before we went back to work (we work together) that I needed to figure it out and deal with it and move on because it was ruining our marriage.  I just don't know how to do that.  Maybe I am too controlling, and maybe I am a bit*h, but I don't know how to change.  I try to be good and kind, but I guess I miss the mark and I'm not good or kind enough.  I do admit I hate not being in control, but isn't that just normal?  Whether or not control was taken from me when I was little, I probably would still be a control freak.  

I just feel so depressed all the time.  I feel like there is nothing I can do that is right.  And I feel like there is nothing that I can ever do to make up for my silence years ago.  I know that you guys said that it was not my fault, which I appreciate, but I still feel bad about not speaking out when it could have made a difference.  I do feel like I am partly responsible for whatever happened after me, if anything happened after me.  

My job requires me to be a "mandatory reporter."  I am legally required to report when I think something like what happened to me is happening to a child/teen.  I know that I would report someone now if I knew they were hurting someone, but part of me wonders what people would think if they knew that I was silent when I could have spoken up as a kid/teen myself.  Would they see me differently?  Would they see me as a coward for not speaking up?  Would they see me as less than I am now?  As broken?  As damaged?  I guess that is one reason I choose this forum, because I don't have to worry about people I know seeing what I type and knowing the truth about me.  I don't think I could live with people knowing.

I see myself as all of the things above a lot - a coward, broken, weak, damaged.  And I wish that I could see myself differently.  I just don't know how.

I don't think I'm looking for you guys to give me answers, but thank you for listening.  

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