Hello

[Connor]

Hello, my name is Connor. I was raped by my cousins when I was five years old. I still remember most of it like it was yesterday. I'm nineteen years old now. I still get angry when I think about it, and I think it has messed up my dating life. I have what I believe to be an unnaturally high sex drive that I think makes it seem like I use anyone around me for sex. Sometimes it's true, and I hate myself for it. I'm trying to fix it.

When I managed to escape from my cousins, I told my parents, and they just brushed it off as me having an overactive imagination and that I was lying. IT made me feel like I couldn't talk to anyone about it because of what my parents said to me at the time. I wish things were different.

[Capulet]

Hi @Connor -

Welcome to After Silence!

I'm so sorry to hear of what has brought you here, but do want to let you know that you're definitely in a safe place and that you'll find that our members are incredibly supportive and kind.  

I'm very angry with your parents - I don't know them, but still - I'm sorry they've not listened to you.  That's not right - at all.  Please know that you'll never receive that kind of invalidation here at AS.  You're safe to talk, here.  You'll not be judged for ANY of what's happened to you.  None of it was your fault.  We believe you and will listen anytime.

Congratulations on taking this big step towards healing by joining our community.  I wish you all the best in your journey!   If you ever need, I am just a shout away.

My best wishes, always,

Capulet

[Minerba]

Hello Connor, how are you today? I hope you are okay.

I'm sorry you experienced abuse at the hands of your cousins. It was not your fault.  I'm sorry your parents were not supportive.

It is normal to feel angry. 

I hope you are safe and these cousins are out of the picture.

This is the space where you can talk. Go at your own pace.

Have you read the book "Victims no Longer" by Mike Lew. It is a good book written for male survivors.

Take care.

[Connor]

Dear @Minerba

Thank you, it means a lot to me that you reached out to me. I'm doing alright, but could always be better.

I'll check out the book when I can, as it's currently 2 a.m. where I live and difficult to find an open bookstore.

Edited August 12, 2019 by Connor

[Connor]

Hello @Capulet,

Thank you for reaching out, it hasn't been easy, and I've still got a long ways to go. Hopefully, we can get through our trauma together and recover. I'm here if you ever need to talk as well.

 

[hardlywalking]

My heart hurts for you Connor. I'm starting to separate my past from my future, but it would be very difficult when they are still around.

[missfrier]

Dear connor: 

Welcome to After Silence!!

I'm sorry for what you have been through.  I find it is easier to talk on forums then out loud.  Being here has helped me so much, even from the first time I ever posted.  It is still helping me - I have so much support here and I know you will, as well.  Here at AS, we are like a big family and our members are kind and non-judgemental.

I am sending you lots of safe hugs! 

Take care!

[Poppy_]

Hi, @Connor - 

Welcome to After Silence! 

I am so very sorry for what happened to you. I want you to know that everyone here believes you and no one here will chalk it up to an overactive imagination. You have every right to feel however you need to feel about your trauma. I'm hoping as you get around the forums more, you will see how truly amazing this community is and you'll be able to speak out as much as you wish about your abuse. That's completely up to you! 

Until then, I'm hoping you find all of the strength and encouragement you need. We are all here with open arms and you are never alone! 

Sending happy thoughts, 
Poppy

[8888]

Welcome to AfterSilence.  I’m sorry to hear your cousins did that to you.  I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[snmls]

Hi Connor, 

Welcome to AS.  I'm sorry for the trauma in your life that has brought you here, but I'm glad you found the site.  You did not deserve what happened to you and it was not your fault.  I'm sorry that your parents just brushed off what happened.  It was not right for them to do that.  

This is a space safe and you will not be judged here.  You are allowed to be angry and you deserve to heal.  We are all here to support each other.  I hope you find this site as helpful as I do. 

[soulless]

Hello Connor , I'm sorry you have to be here but glad you found us . This is an amazing place full of some of the nicest people you will find . I carry them around with me in my heart when I'm having a bad day , their really good at helping me get through the tough times . And their always there with a safe hug and ready to sit quiet with you if needed . And so am I . Just let us know what you need if its to just vent or to just sit quiet , we will be here for you . safe hugs if okay 

[silentg]

Hi Connor, welcome to AS!

im sorry for the horrible trauma your cousins put you through, I believe you and send you support. I hope you will find this community as supportive as I have, best wishes in your recovery,

g

[Struggling88]

Hi, Connor, and welcome!  I’m very sorry for what your cousins did to you. I’m more sorry to hear that you were invalidated by your parents. What happened wasn’t your fault. I believe you. You are not alone. 

[vitamin]

Hi Connor, welcome to AS! I’m sorry for what brought you here - what your cousins did to you was so wrong and your parents not believing you is horrific. I’m sorry you were so invalidated by them, that won’t happen here. Here you will be believed, listened to and held. And plenty of safe hugs will be offered if you need them. AS is a community of truly kind and wonderful people - I hope you find that out for yourself. 

 

Vitamin 

[Connor]

Hello @vitamin,

I appreciate the kind words. It hasn't been easy for me to talk about it, and you saying you believe me means more to me than I can put into words. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I'm here for you. I hope that we'll both be able to recover from the trauma that we've endured.

 

-Connor