Hey guys

[Sabrina757]

Hi, I found this forum today and am hoping it can help me a bit. I’m 34 years old and was raped by my best friends husband about nine months ago. It wasn’t the first time this kind of thing has happened to me, but it’s been a long time. I thought I was “okay” with everything, but have been housesitting in a new state and on my own for a week and have been replaying it in my head over and over. Usually I keep myself busy, but maybe it’s good that I’m not now and can hopefully deal with this. A few of my friends know about the assault but it’s hard to bring up and honestly, sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers. Anyways, hope I’m not oversharing, but the sheriff I talked to basically made it sound like I didn’t have a case (we were drinking), and just his doubt makes me wonder if people really even believe me or think it’s my fault for not being more careful. Was just hoping to find some people to talk to, basically, so thanks for the add

[BraveOne]

Hi @Sabrina757 welcome to AS though I am sorry about the circumstances behind your arrival.  I am proud to know you because you reported it not everyone can does or ever will myself included.  I know it’s not easy to post your first post here or even join our site so I wanted to honor your bravery and courage in the face of adversity.  You have found a community of survivors that have all come together to give and receive support from one another, you’ll fit right in and be like family in no time.  I am sorry that the police officer that took your statement didn’t seem to take you seriously I wish they would have. It was not your fault no matter the circumstances involving alcohol, that does not give anyone consent to assault another human. Sitting with you in support. I hope you have a good counselor or therapist that you can talk to about this as you have mentioned some of the early symptoms of ptsd I wish someone would have been able to tell me about it sooner rather then learning about it much later.  Here for you. Looking forward to seeing you around the forums.

BraveOne

[missfrier]

dear sabrina757

would like to welcome you to After Silence's forums.  We are all here for you and want to support you in any way we can. I know that posting for the first time can be scary.  Please don't worry, though; you will always be given so much support from our lovely community and its members.  You're not alone - we are with you.

You will soon receive an official welcome message in your inbox.  Please feel free to respond to that PM if you have any questions about the forum or if you need some help finding your way around the site. 

Take care and keep reaching out!! 

[snmls]

Hey @Sabrina757,

Welcome to AS.  I'm sorry about what happened to you, but I'm glad you reached out to this site for some support.  This site is a supportive place.  No one will judge you here and we will believe you.  You are never alone here.  All the members are happy to help you out in whatever way you need, whether that's offering validation, providing advice, or just letting you know that we care about you.  I hope you find this site as helpful as I do.

 

 

[Struggling88]

Hi, Sabrina757, and welcome! 

[Minerba]

Hello Sabrina757, how are you doing today? I'm sorry you have experienced abuse. It was not your fault. 

I think it is normal to have periods of thinking a lot about what happened to us. 

You were very brave to report the rape. It sounds like you did not get a good response. Just because you are drinking it does not men you deserve to be raped. There are so many misconceptions about women and rape. I don't think the legal system is very supportive of survivors.

Does your husband knows what this man did to you? Is the ofender someone you have to see? I am concerned about your safety.

Take care.

[goldraindrops]

Dear @Sabrina757,

I'm so sorry for what happened to you.  It was brave out you to reach out to us and take this step on your healing journey.  

I can assure you you'll find many people here who understand and can relate to what you've been through.  

Wishing you peace and healing,

Gold Raindrops

[Kmkz]

Welcome to AS @Sabrina757, I hope you find what you're looking for to help you on your healing journey

[WannaMoveOn]

On 2019-07-04 at 5:36 AM, Sabrina757 said:

Hi, I found this forum today and am hoping it can help me a bit. I’m 34 years old and was raped by my best friends husband about nine months ago. It wasn’t the first time this kind of thing has happened to me, but it’s been a long time. I thought I was “okay” with everything, but have been housesitting in a new state and on my own for a week and have been replaying it in my head over and over. Usually I keep myself busy, but maybe it’s good that I’m not now and can hopefully deal with this. A few of my friends know about the assault but it’s hard to bring up and honestly, sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers. Anyways, hope I’m not oversharing, but the sheriff I talked to basically made it sound like I didn’t have a case (we were drinking), and just his doubt makes me wonder if people really even believe me or think it’s my fault for not being more careful. Was just hoping to find some people to talk to, basically, so thanks for the add

First of all, welcome to AS!

I am deeply sorry for what happened to you, and those comments about you not having a case because of the influence of alcohol is just rubbish. Assault is assault and you have the right to your body despite any excuses or circumstances. I was also afraid no one would take me seriously. My boyfriend caused my SA, and I wondered for months if it really was a case of rape. I also had some struggle being taken seriously, as the SA happened in a complex situation. But also, I have been blessed with a lot of support. 

I agree, sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger. 

I am sitting with you, and please don't worry. Only you decide when you are oversharing. 

Safe hug if ok?  

Edited July 5, 2019 by WannaMoveOn

[Nbed80]

Hello @Sabrina757

Hopefully you will be able to talk to the people here about what you are going through. Like most I don't think it was your fault and well done on being brave enough to report it,  something I wish I had, had the courage to do. Wishing you all the best. 

[Leda]

Welcome, I'm new too! 

It's definitely not your fault!

[MeBeMary]

On 7/3/2019 at 11:36 PM, Sabrina757 said:

Hi, I found this forum today and am hoping it can help me a bit. I’m 34 years old and was raped by my best friends husband about nine months ago. It wasn’t the first time this kind of thing has happened to me, but it’s been a long time. I thought I was “okay” with everything, but have been housesitting in a new state and on my own for a week and have been replaying it in my head over and over. Usually I keep myself busy, but maybe it’s good that I’m not now and can hopefully deal with this. A few of my friends know about the assault but it’s hard to bring up and honestly, sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers. Anyways, hope I’m not oversharing, but the sheriff I talked to basically made it sound like I didn’t have a case (we were drinking), and just his doubt makes me wonder if people really even believe me or think it’s my fault for not being more careful. Was just hoping to find some people to talk to, basically, so thanks for the add

Hi Sabrina,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you've experience from the husband of your friend. It is never right for another to do this. You will find much support here, as our members are kind and understanding. You were brave to report, but sadly justice is never so easy. I know it doesn't make it easier to say that people who don't believe don't matter, but truthfully, unless they walk in our shoes, many times they can't or don't want to understand. I am glad you have a couple of friends that support you, but you will also find tons of support here...we do understand. I wish you the best on your journey of healing.

Mary