Sitting on the fence

[Nbed80]

Hello, after sitting around and reading for a few days I am still on the fence as to if this is a good thing for me. But I don't have anyone else to talk too and even though I know there will be some judgement about my past Its either this or falling back on old coping mechanisms and as a +30 I feel like I need to be more adult. So hoping I can fit in here. 

[Poppy_]

@Nbed80 - 

Welcome to AS! 

I understand your hesitation about being here - I felt that too when I first joined! In fact, my T was the one that pushed me to join, I didn't even want to. After a few conversations with her, I finally decided to try it, and I am SO glad I did! I have met so many wonderful and supportive people here. This place truly is a haven for me. 

As far as being judged for your past, I promise you that won't happen here. We are all here under the same pretense, but we all have different stories about what we went through. I've shared details of my story that I felt so shameful about, but every time I shared, there was someone waiting there with open arms to comfort and support me when I needed it. I also don't have anyone in my personal life that I can talk to, so having this community has really saved me many times. 

If you're worried that the content may be too triggering or make you feel worse, just watch fro those trigger warnings and don't read when you're feeling sensitive. There are plenty of forums here that are less triggering, but still supportive. 

No need to fall back into old habits - we are all here for you! If you ever need someone to talk to or have questions about anything, please feel free to reach out to me. I'm online all the time! 

Sending happy thoughts, 

Poppy 

Edited July 17, 2019 by Poppy_

[Alice...]

@Nbed80  I completely understand about being worried of people judging you for your past. I’m still worried people are judging me, but I know that I am my own worst judge. I also haven’t felt any judgement from anybody so far and doubt that I will. I hope you post more and get the support you deserve and need. Here for you if you want.

[missfrier]

Dear Nbed80

Welcome to After Silence!!

I'm sorry for what you have been through.  I find it is easier to talk on forums then out loud.  Being here has helped me so much, even from the first time I ever posted.  It is still helping me - I have so much support here and I know you will, as well.  Here at AS, we are like a big family and our members are kind and non-judgemental.

I am sending you lots of safe hugs! 

Take care!

,
 

[Struggling88]

Hi, Nbed80, and welcome! 

[BraveOne]

Hi @Nbed80 I already Welcomed you in another post but I did want to say that you are in a good place to get some support and understanding from others who have been through similar things. Everyone here has been through something or watched someone close to them go through it (those folks do not have full access to the site and or all the forums). I am in my 30’s as well and when I first had issues I didn’t feel like anyone would accept me here because I felt guilty for my traumas AS has helped me so very much and I know it can help you as well. I’m almost always around so feel free to message me if you want to or need someone to vent too that’s nonjudgmental.

BraveOne

[goldraindrops]

Dear @Nbed80,

I wanted to let you know you absolutely do not need to worry about people judging you here.  We are a kind and supportive community and above all, every one of us knows the shame that comes with S.A.

For myself, I've dealt with guilt, self-doubt, shame and humiliation for years.  I've agonized over and over about everything I didn't do surrounding my assault.  In fact, that's what kept me pretty much silent about what happened to me.  When I came here I started to realize that there were many people feeling the same things I was.

When I see other people revealing the details of what happened to them, I feel admiration, not judgment, because I know what those feelings are like and because I know how hard it is for me to talk about the details of what happened.

So I can assure you, you don't need to worry about that here.   

Wishing you comfort and healing,

Gold Raindrops

[snmls]

@Nbed80

Welcome to AS. 

This site is a safe space and no one will judge you here.  I can relate to how you are feeling because I felt similar when I first joined a few years ago.  Take your time looking around the site and getting a feel for what goes on here.  You are never pressured to post and can always just browse for advice if that is what's best for you.   Everyone on this site is supportive and we are all happy to help you out in whatever way you need, whether that be providing validation, offering support and advice, or just letting you that you are not alone.  I hope you end up finding this site as helpful as I do.  

[Minerba]

Hello Nbed80, how are you today? I hope you are okay.

Welcome to this group. I hope it will be helpful for you. You can give it a go and see how you feel. Go at your own pace.

I think it is normal to fear judge. Most of us feel that fear. You are not alone.

Take care.

[Nbed80]

5 hours ago, BraveOne said:

Hi @Nbed80 I already Welcomed you in another post but I did want to say that you are in a good place to get some support and understanding from others who have been through similar things. Everyone here has been through something or watched someone close to them go through it (those folks do not have full access to the site and or all the forums). I am in my 30’s as well and when I first had issues I didn’t feel like anyone would accept me here because I felt guilty for my traumas AS has helped me so very much and I know it can help you as well. I’m almost always around so feel free to message me if you want to or need someone to vent too that’s nonjudgmental.

BraveOne

Thanks for both greetings, I felt I should do a me post and see how I felt. I dont feel as anxious to write as I did then and I am grateful that the community here has made it easy to feel that way. At the moment I am feeling like I don't deserve to be here so much and that I would just be wasting peoples time. 

[Nbed80]

10 hours ago, Alice... said:

@Nbed80  I completely understand about being worried of people judging you for your past. I’m still worried people are judging me, but I know that I am my own worst judge. I also haven’t felt any judgement from anybody so far and doubt that I will. I hope you post more and get the support you deserve and need. Here for you if you want.

Thank you, I think you were actually my first post here and I am glad you feel like this is a good place for you to chat

[Nbed80]

Thank you all for the greetings. I have only told my partner a short version and not even half of it and feel I cant talk to them more as they have severe depression and i dont want to be the reason that is worse, the same for my friend i just dont like that I feel like im dragging them down if i try to talk to them if i am having a bad day with this stuff. I cant talk to my family about it, we are not that kind of family but i am also afraid that it is inevitable it will come out and go about the way i expect and I dont know if i could take that. 

[Alice...]

@Nbed80 you deserve to be here as much as the next person. Nobody should feel like they’re wasting people’s time. You are not wasting my time- that’s for sure. I applaud you for making an intro thread for yourself. That’s a big step and I’m glad that you posted in my thread for your first post. Sending you safe hugs if you want them.

[MeBeMary]

On 7/3/2019 at 12:09 PM, Nbed80 said:

Hello, after sitting around and reading for a few days I am still on the fence as to if this is a good thing for me. But I don't have anyone else to talk too and even though I know there will be some judgement about my past Its either this or falling back on old coping mechanisms and as a +30 I feel like I need to be more adult. So hoping I can fit in here. 

Hi Nbed80,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you've endured, but you will find tons of support here. Our members are understanding and kind. This really is a no-judgment zone, as we all have had our own doubts and worries. This is unfortunately normal and goes along with being a survivor. You can take your time and look around and jump in when you are ready and with things you are comfortable with sharing. No pressure. I wish you the best on this journey of healing.

Mary

 

[Wounded Inner Child]

Hi!  I am new here also. I had 2 phone therapy sessions that really didn't work well for me.  Maybe it was just that therapist, but I wanted insight into how I can manage future relationships, not being told to charge my abuser (who is probably deceased) and join a rape support group. 

I believe that you will not be judged here and wish you healing.  We are all here to heal, some with larger scars than others, but scars nonetheless.  Where better to talk with others who understand what you are going through? I am fortunate that my best friend has a similar past to mine and we have discussed our pasts. 

"Never be a prisoner of your past.  It was a lesson, not a life sentence. " 

That is how I am dealing with my guilt and shame for my actions which I believe  resulted from my childhood abuse. 

[Mintchip76]

Hi there, I am also new here. Of course it is scary to share such vulnerable information, however it would appear that all of the responses I have seen thus far are trauma informed which is by far safer than what I expected, people seem slow and thoughtful to respond. In the land of triggers it is difficult to navigate relationships, but the rules and anonymity here both are helpful in promoting a safe space. My best to you