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This is me reaching out. I’m a survivor. It’s still a little difficult to admit to myself that this happened to me. Triggers have recently become overwhelming after having successfully boxed the “event” away for a very long time. I do feel like I carry some of the blame. I’ve only told two of people of the memories now haunting me. Both have been very helpful and wonderful about everything. My children are aware something happened in my past but they don’t have details. I feel like while my two most trusted have been great support, I need more help than they are able to give me. I have not reached out for therapy, I get paralyzed even considering it. I’ve spent the years since the event in isolation. Which brought me to seek help in an online search, bringing me here. I’ve been told I need to face the reality of what happened. I hope I can do that here. 

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Hello @VintagePanda,

Welcome to AS, I'm glad you reached out. I know many people here can relate to trying to deal with what happened many years afterwards,  and the same thing led me here a few years ago too.    I am glad that the people you told have been helpful, it's so important to have some support at you go through this. I also understand that sometimes we need support from others who really 'get it' and that is a wonderful thing about this place.  It does help to have both kinds of support.  Please take your time to find your way around here, take breaks and take care of yourself as needed. We are here to listen if you want to talk.

:notalone:

 

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Posted (edited)

@VintagePanda Hi and welcome! I think you'll find a lot of really good support here. I've only been here a few days myself and the other members have been amazing. I was terrified of counseling too, I thought it would make it hurt more to work through what happened, but I couldn't have been more wrong. It was painful, I won't lie, but it wasn't nearly as painful as keeping it all in and letting it rot me from the inside out. I'm not trying to push it on you  or rush you into something you're not ready for, all I'm saying is that when you feel ready, it really is nothing to be afraid of, especially not compared to what you've been through and are going through now. In the meantime, you have all of us anytime you need us :) Feel free to message me whenever you want should you ever feel the need. I can't promise I'll see it right away, but I can promise that I'll respond as soon as I do. 

Edited by Amsekhmet

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1 hour ago, VintagePanda said:

This is me reaching out. I’m a survivor. It’s still a little difficult to admit to myself that this happened to me. Triggers have recently become overwhelming after having successfully boxed the “event” away for a very long time. I do feel like I carry some of the blame. I’ve only told two of people of the memories now haunting me. Both have been very helpful and wonderful about everything. My children are aware something happened in my past but they don’t have details. I feel like while my two most trusted have been great support, I need more help than they are able to give me. I have not reached out for therapy, I get paralyzed even considering it. I’ve spent the years since the event in isolation. Which brought me to seek help in an online search, bringing me here. I’ve been told I need to face the reality of what happened. I hope I can do that here. 

Hi VintagePanda,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you've endured and the struggles you are facing, but you have found a very supportive site. The members here are truly the best. I think many of us have felt or do feel as you do. It is hard when that box doesn't stay nicely tucked away, but I guess the only way to start healing from trauma is to face it...in whatever way is right for you. Take your time to look around. I wish you the very best on this journey of healing.

Mary

:notalone: 

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@VintagePanda - welcome to After Silence!!!  I am sorry that traumatic circumstances have brought you here, but am glad to have you among us.  This truly is a fantastic community and there's an undying supply of support.  So many of us understand this type of trauma, but there are many differing realities we're all having to face - it IS a little bit easier when surrounded by those who can relate on some level.

Wishing you all the best - and again - welcome!!  Looking forward to getting to know you.

Best wishes,
Capulet

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