The possibility of not being so alone.

[Moorel]

Hello, 

I recently started therapy for childhood sexual abuse last June - maybe not so recent but i'm getting the sense that even a year of therapy is relatively new considering the work ahead. My therapist recommended that I utilize online services as an introduction to peer led support. I'm appreciative of the space and also pretty tentative about the whole experience. I'd sort of like to pretend like I never opened this up and go back to my old life (understandably, not an option) and there are times that I do just to get a break. 

I think the reason I'm trying this out is that I'm feeling like a broken record in therapy in regards to telling my story and still feel this pent up sense around my history...like there is just so much to cathart or maybe that I still feel alone because my family is so tainted now that I've opened this up that nothing really feels "safe". I'm hopeful that I can feel more a sense of community and healing with mutual stories and people who may have a more true sense of sympathy. I also have the, what feels like snobbish, belief that I'll always be alone in this and so I should just shut it down and clam it up. 

Obviously, I am trying to push against my internal grain and breath into this work. I'd like to be on the other side of this...whatever that means. 

Thank you for creating this space. 

[Capulet]

Hi, @Moorel,

Welcome to After Silence.  I'm sorry to hear of the circumstances that have brought you here, but am glad that you have found this community.  Many have been referred to us by therapists for the same reasons - online support is an excellent resource to have if it can be used safely.  We are glad to have you!

I think that peer support is extremely important.  It is something that took me a LONG time to utilize, and much of your post, I feel like I could have written, myself.  I  feel SO very validated here, though.  There are still moments where I feel awkward posting - but even if I choose to refrain from posting, there is always such comfort in reading others' accounts - not knowing that they've been through similar but that I'm not alone and my feelings aren't 'crazy' or 'wrong.'  I feel that I learn SO much about myself every day - and to gain this knowledge is to eventually heal the mind.  

Anyway, I welcome you again - looking forward to walking this journey with you! 

Best wishes,
Capulet

[Struggling88]

Hi, Moorel, and welcome! 

[silentg]

Hello @Moorel and welcome to AS, although I'm sorry for the trauma that brings you here.  I am glad you found our site. I can appreciate your search for others who understand what it's like and to find a sense of community, I hope that you will find that here. As you say, it can be a long journey,  and although we often feel alone, there is a sense here that others validate and support our feelings,  help us find answers to questions and navigate through whatever this 'healing process' is supposed to be!  Please take your time to find your way around here and post as much or as little as you like, there is no rush, and yes, it can be good self care to take breaks if needed too!

 

 

[MeBeMary]

9 hours ago, Moorel said:

Hello, 

I recently started therapy for childhood sexual abuse last June - maybe not so recent but i'm getting the sense that even a year of therapy is relatively new considering the work ahead. My therapist recommended that I utilize online services as an introduction to peer led support. I'm appreciative of the space and also pretty tentative about the whole experience. I'd sort of like to pretend like I never opened this up and go back to my old life (understandably, not an option) and there are times that I do just to get a break. 

I think the reason I'm trying this out is that I'm feeling like a broken record in therapy in regards to telling my story and still feel this pent up sense around my history...like there is just so much to cathart or maybe that I still feel alone because my family is so tainted now that I've opened this up that nothing really feels "safe". I'm hopeful that I can feel more a sense of community and healing with mutual stories and people who may have a more true sense of sympathy. I also have the, what feels like snobbish, belief that I'll always be alone in this and so I should just shut it down and clam it up. 

Obviously, I am trying to push against my internal grain and breath into this work. I'd like to be on the other side of this...whatever that means. 

Thank you for creating this space. 

Hi Moorel,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma that you endured as a child. No one every deserved to be hurt, but sadly it doesn't stop it from happening. You will find our community a very supportive one with many understanding members. Take your time and look around and you will see what I mean.  I wish you the best on this journey of healing.

Mary

 

[Kmkz]

Welcome to AS @Moorel, I understand the feeling of wanting to pretend you didn't open it up and go back to the way things were. You've taken very courageous steps opening up, going to therapy, joining this site and posting. Take your time looking around and post when you feel safe and comfortable. I hope you are able to find safety, understanding and support here. 

[ShatteredSouI]

Hi Moorel!!  I know what you mean about wanting to step back in to the pre story part of your life.  It seems like things spiral and get worse when others find out.