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I am new on this website. I was raped by a male friend, and a deacon of his church, in November 1999 but never reported it. I have always carried it with me, blaming myself, feeling so ashamed, never discussing it. Recently I had a huge trigger from another situation and need to deal with it now. Am starting to isolate myself and getting worried. 

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Welcome to AfterSilence. I am also a new member. I just want you to know that none of that was your fault. I know that is hard to accept I am still trying to accept it but, it is the truth. This website has been amazing. Don't be afraid to reach out no matter how you are feeling. We understand and you are not alone. I really hope this site helps with your healing. Remember: it is not your fault and you are not alone.

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Welcome to AS @LucyGoosy, sorry your past experience and recent trigger are reasons for you to seek support. What happened to you was not your fault and the feelings of blame and shame don't belong to you either but understand that's how you feel. You are not alone. 

I hope you will find this a kind, supportive and understanding community with members that are able to relate.

Take your time looking around, post when you feel safe and comfortable. 

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Hi LucyGoosy,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for what you experienced, but you are not alone. You will find tons of support here at AS. You will find many survivors do not come forward and have those same mixed feelings. There is never an acceptable reason for someone to do this to you. Never. Shame is his. I am sorry you were recently triggered. It takes courage to reach out to others. We do understand and validate your experience. Take your time and look around.  I wish you the very best on your journey of healing.

Mary

:notalone: 

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Dear @LucyGoosy,

I'm so sorry for the pain you've suffered.  I can tell you there are many of us here who understand and who have been through the same experiences and types of feelings.  Take your time reading through the different posts/forums and posting whenever you feel comfortable.  

We are here to support and help each other.

Blessings,

Gold Raindrops

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Hello @LucyGoosy

Welcome to AS. I am sorry you endured that and have carried it with you for so long. I also was hurt a long time ago but it all came back recently. It is so difficult to deal with the feelings of shame but please know it was never your fault and he is the one who should feel ashamed, not you.  I am glad you found our supportive community and I wish you all the best in your healing,

g

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