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Feeling Torn About Posting


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Hey everyone, I'm new here and I feel kind of guilty about posting because all of the literature and resources I've seen since my assault use the word survivor to describe victims of sexual assault/abuse. Even though my therapist and the handful of people I've opened up to about what happened assure me that what happened was a clear case of sexual assault, my life was never in danger during the encounter. Because of this, it took me a really long time to accept help or make use of resources available because I wasn't a "survivor" and it felt to me like I was taking away resources from people who need it more than me or that I'd somehow be minimizing the experiences of people who went through something much worse than what I did.

I'm glad that I found this online community where everyone seems to be so supportive of each other, but I also feel like I don't belong or shouldn't have joined for the reasons described above. I'm hoping to find some solace in this group and to feel okay about asking for help.

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Hi @nordic.panda a big warm welcome to AS :wave:

This is one of the commonest feelings that abuse survivors seem to have, justifying their experiences as abuse. You are certainly not alone with those thoughts. There are many (me included) who feel that what they went through when compared to others, isn't really worth mentioning. I struggled with this for quite some time. My experiences involved physical abuse from my auntie, with the excuse that it was punishment for my sins so that God would forgive me. Painful and humiliating as those punishments were, like yourself, I never felt my life was in danger at any time. But that doesn't lessen the impact, either at the time or in the years since. It is all relative to the receiver. There is no sliding scale when it comes to abuse, its how it makes you feel that is important and you are just as worthy of care, understanding and support as anyone. 

I know you will find that here. 

Good thoughts and blessings to you.

Edited by sarahoknow
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@nordic.panda I felt the same exact way when I first joined. My thread is titled “Is how I feel ok?” In the aftermath forum.

Whenever I minimize what I’ve gone through I re-read that thread. Some of my abusers didn’t even touch me but the mental affects have been tremendous. Abuse is abuse and assault is assault. You deserve to be here. 

So many have offered validation for me and I am offering it to you. If you were assaulted in anyway it’s not ok. You deserve to be here! You deserve support! You deserve to heal!

:supportu: 

Edited by Hidden1
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@Hidden1 Are direct messages a thing on this website? What you describe in that post feels a lot like what I'm going through right now, which is a big part of the reason I sought out a community like this. Would it be okay if I messaged you directly? I just don't want to hijack a thread by turning it into a conversation between two people.

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Yes, you are welcome to message me anytime. Using the thread or messaging me, I’m fine with both. However you are comfortable.

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9 hours ago, nordic.panda said:

Hey everyone, I'm new here and I feel kind of guilty about posting because all of the literature and resources I've seen since my assault use the word survivor to describe victims of sexual assault/abuse. Even though my therapist and the handful of people I've opened up to about what happened assure me that what happened was a clear case of sexual assault, my life was never in danger during the encounter. Because of this, it took me a really long time to accept help or make use of resources available because I wasn't a "survivor" and it felt to me like I was taking away resources from people who need it more than me or that I'd somehow be minimizing the experiences of people who went through something much worse than what I did.

I'm glad that I found this online community where everyone seems to be so supportive of each other, but I also feel like I don't belong or shouldn't have joined for the reasons described above. I'm hoping to find some solace in this group and to feel okay about asking for help.

Hi nordic.panda,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for whatever it is you have gone thru, but just as @sarahoknow and @Hidden1 has mentioned, it is very common thought process of a survivor. Our natural instinct is to compare and minimize our trauma, but there is no right level of trauma for anyone. There is right and wrong...and all levels of abuse is wrong. This is a safe place for anyone struggling from the abuses and yearning for support and acceptance. You will receive this here. Take your time and look around and when you are comfortable, please don't be afraid to jump in. You are not alone.  I wish you the very best on this journey of healing.

Mary

:aswelcomesu:

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  • 2 weeks later...

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