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Hi all. I’m new. It’s my first time really entering this realm of people since I’m not very good at accepting what happened. Lately though things have been rough. My boyfriend has admitted it’s too much for him when I have those nights of breakdown remember that horrible moment. The one person I thought understood and was there to comfortable me is no longer there and I can’t bottle it up again because the bottle was already opened. Now I’m stuck in my own madness feeling alone, scarred, disgusted, and tired of living. 

-K-anon

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Hi K-anon,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you have experienced, but you will find tons of support here. You are not alone. I am sorry that your bf has a tough time understanding. Many times people who have not gone thru it simply don't understand. You have come to the right place tho, to find understanding and validation. There is nothing wrong with you, but what was done to you was wrong. You should not have to deal with struggles and the aftermath, but this unfortunately makes you normal in un-normal circumstances. I am very glad you have found us and decided to reach out. This is such a big step for any survivor. You are not alone. Take your time looking around the site. I wish you the best as you travel down your healing path.

Mary

:notalone: 

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Hi @K-anon and welcome to AS! :wave: I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time right now. We are here for you. You are not disgusting. What happened to you was not your fault. You will get through this. Safe hugs, if okay. :console:

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Welcome to AS @K-anon, it's very brave of you to join and reach out. You're not alone and you've found a supportive and understanding community. Take your time looking around, post when you feel safe and comfortable.

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On 3/15/2019 at 12:02 PM, K-anon said:

Hi all. I’m new. It’s my first time really entering this realm of people since I’m not very good at accepting what happened. Lately though things have been rough. My boyfriend has admitted it’s too much for him when I have those nights of breakdown remember that horrible moment. The one person I thought understood and was there to comfortable me is no longer there and I can’t bottle it up again because the bottle was already opened. Now I’m stuck in my own madness feeling alone, scarred, disgusted, and tired of living. 

-K-anon

I’m so sorry to hear this, I had a similar reaction once when telling a friend and it is devastating :( but it does get better, you are very brave and strong, it takes courage to reach out and keep trying, don’t give up:throb:

xWaterlily

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Hi and Welcome to AS @K-anon. I am sorry for the trauma that has brought you here and that you're having a hard time right now. It is especially jarring when people close to us seemingly shut the door to our sharing the deep pain we are feeling. I am glad however that you've recognized that bottling it up again isn't a solution for you anymore. I find that I keep going back to bottling it up again and it is like a volcano of pain spewing forth when it needs to get back out. I wish you lots of courage as you walk your healing journey. We are with you!

Kind regards,

AKB

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On 3/15/2019 at 6:02 PM, K-anon said:

Hi all. I’m new. It’s my first time really entering this realm of people since I’m not very good at accepting what happened. Lately though things have been rough. My boyfriend has admitted it’s too much for him when I have those nights of breakdown remember that horrible moment. The one person I thought understood and was there to comfortable me is no longer there and I can’t bottle it up again because the bottle was already opened. Now I’m stuck in my own madness feeling alone, scarred, disgusted, and tired of living. 

-K-anon

I had a similar experience when telling my parents. It is a very lonely feeling. I hope this forum can help you see that you are not alone, and that comfort can come from within. Now youve opened that bottle, just be brave and seek help. Youve done the first step by coming here x

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