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My situation happened 30 years ago. Triggers have reduced considerably. Most of my world I can live normally again. However, there are certain movies I know I still need to avoid. Yesterday my adult daughter wanted me to watch a movie, because "it is so goooood." I stayed watching a bit too long and I cannot get the image out of my head. I then told my daughter that I had been kidnapped and it's not fun driving with a hand around your throat. My daughter ran from me and I realized I said too much. I don't want to scar my daughter. I need to talk with someone because I am back into an emotional hole even after soooo many years.

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Hi and welcome to After Silence (AS) @tshirt40. I am sorry for the trauma that has brought you here. Know that you are not alone and that you have found a safe, supportive community of survivors here. I understand and can relate to: 

11 minutes ago, tshirt40 said:

 I need to talk with someone because I am back into an emotional hole even after soooo many years.

My most traumatic event happened now some 21 years ago and continues to rear its ugly head from time to time. Share what you want when you are comfortable here. I wish you continued courage as you walk your healing journey.

Kind regards,

AKB

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Welcome to AS, @tshirt40 - you will find tons of feedback and support from our community.  

That emotional hole you describe is so, SO very common - AKB is correct - it does rear its ugly head when we least expect it to, sometimes.  Remember, though, you are not alone and will have plenty of support as you climb back out!

Best wishes,
Capulet

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1 hour ago, tshirt40 said:

My situation happened 30 years ago. Triggers have reduced considerably. Most of my world I can live normally again. However, there are certain movies I know I still need to avoid. Yesterday my adult daughter wanted me to watch a movie, because "it is so goooood." I stayed watching a bit too long and I cannot get the image out of my head. I then told my daughter that I had been kidnapped and it's not fun driving with a hand around your throat. My daughter ran from me and I realized I said too much. I don't want to scar my daughter. I need to talk with someone because I am back into an emotional hole even after soooo many years.

Hi and welcome to AS! I understand how these traumas keep coming back, mine happened many years ago as well. You have found a supportive place to talk about it here!

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7 hours ago, tshirt40 said:

My situation happened 30 years ago. Triggers have reduced considerably. Most of my world I can live normally again. However, there are certain movies I know I still need to avoid. Yesterday my adult daughter wanted me to watch a movie, because "it is so goooood." I stayed watching a bit too long and I cannot get the image out of my head. I then told my daughter that I had been kidnapped and it's not fun driving with a hand around your throat. My daughter ran from me and I realized I said too much. I don't want to scar my daughter. I need to talk with someone because I am back into an emotional hole even after soooo many years.

Hi tshirt40,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for what you went thru 30 years ago, but you will find tons of support here. It's amazing what can trigger us and they type of reaction we might have. I am sorry that your reaction included upsetting your daughter. Hopefully, if she is older, she come to understand. If she is younger, perhaps a more gentle conversation with her about what you accidentally allowed yourself to say. I do understand in either circumstance, it is not the outcome you had planned. You will find tons of support here and I wish you well as you walk this journey of healing.

Mary

:notalone: 

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Thank you to everyone here. I am slowly crawling out of the hole. I will know next time to not even attempt to watch such a movie.

I had lunch and window shopping with my daughter today.  I told her that I was trying really hard to be fun and upbeat. I told her sometimes mom's can't always do the right thing because we are still human. She is so sweet to forgive. We had a good time together. My husband came home from his trip today and needs to realize I need me space, my alone time, right now. He is sweet to understand.

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@tshirt40 hi there and welcome.

This is an amazingly supportive environment filled with people who understand each others in a way no others can. It is a place to seek understanding and support. I have made some great friends here and have found amazing support. I hope to have given it too.

I have simalarish issues with my daughters. I spoke out for the first time, properly, last year. My daughters are adults now (24 and 18) and they went through so much when they were growing up due to my illnesses related to the trauma. I have now told them I was sexually abused in the workplace and about reporting to the police. I now wonder how much I should reveal to them. On the one hand, it would help them understand better, but on the other, I am their Mum and so worry about revealing to much (does that make sense). But I do want to tell them, to explain, so that they cam maybe try yo  understand why I behaved the way I sometimes did. I may share my story with them, not sure yet. So, I understand your situation.

Oh, we do manage to laugh as well here though.

Anyway, welcome.

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5 hours ago, Pawsey said:

@tshirt40 hi there and welcome.

This is an amazingly supportive environment filled with people who understand each others in a way no others can. It is a place to seek understanding and support. I have made some great friends here and have found amazing support. I hope to have given it too.

I have simalarish issues with my daughters. I spoke out for the first time, properly, last year. My daughters are adults now (24 and 18) and they went through so much when they were growing up due to my illnesses related to the trauma. I have now told them I was sexually abused in the workplace and about reporting to the police. I now wonder how much I should reveal to them. On the one hand, it would help them understand better, but on the other, I am their Mum and so worry about revealing to much (does that make sense). But I do want to tell them, to explain, so that they cam maybe try yo  understand why I behaved the way I sometimes did. I may share my story with them, not sure yet. So, I understand your situation.

Oh, we do manage to laugh as well here though.

Anyway, welcome.

How do you add warnings to posts? Kidnap warning.

My daughters are 25 and 26. My 26 year old would not understand any of my story. She would probably say "well you shouldn't have let that happen. Stop telling me this." Yesterday when I talked to my 25 year old daughter (K), who I know to have a loving heart, I made sure I didn't throw in drama or emotional expression. I talked with monotone and just vague facts. Last week the movie she wanted me to watch was "Split," which I HIGHLY recommend to AVOID. It is about girls kidnapped. Calmly I told K when I was kidnapped, I constantly thought about what to do to escape. When he told me how he was going to kill me and hide my body in the caves, I thought "at least I want my body found." So I ran and he pushed me to the ground and started kicking me. I don't need to tell her details, because those details don't need to continue through another generation. The trauma stops here with me. K said that she disassociated from the drama in the movie and just watches it as a plot of twists and turns. My husband watched that movie with her and he found it very difficult, because he is a retired school principal and has seen much real life abuse cases. My husband knows most of my story, but it hurts him very much to hear it. He doesn't need to know the details.

The other day when I put emotion into my talk with K, she ran off. I thought she didn't care. I wanted to react by telling her horrible details so that she WILL care.  However, when she ran from me what she really was saying (which she verbalized to me later) is it makes me sad to learn that this happened to you. I care for you and it really hurts me to hear this.

Use caution when telling family is my experience.

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50 minutes ago, tshirt40 said:

How do you add warnings to posts? Kidnap warning.

It's easy. :)  Up top, right underneath the post title, you can 'add tags.'  It will be RIGHT underneath where you type in the title when you create a new board. 

As I'm not sure it is something you can do on an existing board, I've gone ahead and added the 'kidnapping' tag for you.  If you see 'add tags' underneath the title, please feel free to add more as you see fit.  As you are the author of this board, the warning tags may be something you can go back and edit yourself if you've forgotten to do it earlier.  It happens - no worries.  

But in future boards, if you feel that the content may be triggering, you can add a warning tag prior to publishing, or even just add a "TW" to the title line. :)

Hope this helps!

- Capulet

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Welcome to AS tshirt40, I think trauma is always with us, we just react differently at times. It's difficult to discuss with family when you love and care so much about them. I hope you will feel heard and supported here

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HI tshirt40 :hi:-- As has helped me truly feel I am not alone. Those I chose to share with only know that it happened. I deal with everyone on an individual basis regarding the details of my SA. I left it up to my young adult children to decide how much detail they can handle. As for now, just knowing is enough for them. My own story here on AS is more descriptive than what anyone outside of authorities and my T know. Family dynamics are different for every one. Take your time and do what is comfortable for you. Wishing you continued healing on your journey. 

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