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nightmarish

Old account, newly present.

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Hi. I’m Cael. As the title suggests, I made this account a long time ago, back in January of this year very shortly before a hospitalization. I actually forgot that I made it at all. Now I’m in need of outside support again, and I was surprised when I found out I already had an account here.

So yeah, I’m Cael. I’m 20 years old and I’m FTM transgender. Things are unnecessarily complicated when it comes to abuse and being trans, particularly if it happened before your transition. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere in these types of communities where gender/sex is important. I’ve never really belonged anywhere at all. It’s not something that always bothers me anymore. 

Aside from that stuff, I’m interested in some things. I like music, and I used to write my own (with VOCALOID software). Since I’ve gotten stuck in a creative rut, I haven’t written anything original in almost two years, but I do make the occasional cover of a song I enjoy. I sometimes write. I used to be a very efficient writer, and I wrote everything from prose to journals to poetry or even nonfiction pieces. Again, there’s a rut. I do have ideas, though. 

My biggest interest as of right now is video games. I adore the Legend of Zelda series, and I’m currently playing Breath of the Wild. It’s the only thing that makes me happy, so I enjoy talking about it and I play it whenever I can. If you want to indulge me for whatever reason, ask me about that game. I also play Animal Crossing, currently playing New Leaf. 

I’m not good at socializing, so please be patient with me. I have a tendency to withdraw and I have a hard time connecting with others, so I may just be a background presence here, and that’s just fine with me. I hope it’s alright with you guys, too. 

I’m trying to keep strong, and if you ever want, I’ll do my best to help you stay strong as well.   

Sitting with all of you! I hope you’ll sit with me too.

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Hi @nightmarish, and welcome back! I remember When you joined in January back then I had a different screen name here I was Oneinamillion, think that's about the only change I can point out on the top of my head. We are still a warm caring supportive place that has room for everyone. I'm glad your back. I feel like I can understand you pretty well, I too tend to withdraw at times and want to be antisocial. Its fine if you just want to be in the background as long as you know you are safe here. Its brave to join a site like this even braver to come back.

BraveOne

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@nightmarish hello and welcome (back) to AS! We are happy to have you here. Sitting with you and sending healing thoughts your way. I used to play Legend of Zelda when it first came out (I might be a bit older...) and loved to see what sorts of adventures Link was able to accomplish. I wonder what Legend of Zelda is like now? I would guess it's more elaborate and just as fun? Are there any :bubble:?

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@BraveOne, @Field8, @Struggling88 and @AKB: Thank you all for the warm welcome. I truly appreciate it! It makes me feel good to know that this community is still such a caring place.

and to answer AKB’s questions about Zelda (thank you so much :lol:): I played the old Zelda games too, and seeing the evolution of this series has been incredible. For one, the graphics have gradually improved so much, particularly in recent years. Ocarina of Time (‘96/‘97 I think?) was the series’ first 3D debut. After that many of the games have featured 3D graphics. Majora’s Mask is considered by many to be the best Zelda game, and I agree! It’s absolutely amazing. Twilight Princess was my favorite, though, because it was the first one I played and the one that got me hooked on the series. They’ve taken a lot of different twists and turns and added a lot of depth to the characters over time. 

Breath of the Wild has topped my favorites list from the moment I started playing. It’s the first open-world Zelda game, with so much freedom to do the stories in any order you choose. You could fight the main boss in the first 30 minutes if you wanted, or you can save that until you finish all the side quests, or whatever you’d like to do. This is one of the first where they had actual voices aside from small noises, and the voice acting is pretty good! There’s a ton of diversity in character designs and personalities, and the main characters are SO fleshed out, it’s amazing. Zelda is more than just a captured princess or a goal to find in the game, her personality is so complex and her expression is so diverse. In the memories you can discover her interests and her aspirations and sorrows joys, which is such a unique thing. Even Link, the guy who has never spoken in a Zelda game, has a distinct personality in this game. You get to choose some short dialogue options for him to talk with others, which means you have a choice in how you interact with characters and that’s just amazing tbh. BotW also has the most stunning graphics and soundtrack of any Zelda game I’ve ever played. I’ve played 120+ hours and there are still moments that just take my breath away. 

As for monsters, absolutely. Skyward Sword introduced some new ones, which BotW kept a few. I feel like BotW has the most monsters out of any of the Zelda games, because not only do you have tons of different species, they can also attack with elements and their color determines how difficult they are and how much damage they deal. But I may just be deceived by how they’re literally everywhere. The older Zelda games had a commonality that while the bosses could be tough, most of them were pretty easy to beat, but BotW kinda shook that up with the main bosses as well as some of the mini bosses. 

In short, if you have the ability, you should give one of the newer ones a shot! They’ve gotten increasingly elaborate and BotW is particularly captivating. (And thank you for indulging me :’D) 

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17 hours ago, nightmarish said:

Hi. I’m Cael. As the title suggests, I made this account a long time ago, back in January of this year very shortly before a hospitalization. I actually forgot that I made it at all. Now I’m in need of outside support again, and I was surprised when I found out I already had an account here.

So yeah, I’m Cael. I’m 20 years old and I’m FTM transgender. Things are unnecessarily complicated when it comes to abuse and being trans, particularly if it happened before your transition. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere in these types of communities where gender/sex is important. I’ve never really belonged anywhere at all. It’s not something that always bothers me anymore. 

Aside from that stuff, I’m interested in some things. I like music, and I used to write my own (with VOCALOID software). Since I’ve gotten stuck in a creative rut, I haven’t written anything original in almost two years, but I do make the occasional cover of a song I enjoy. I sometimes write. I used to be a very efficient writer, and I wrote everything from prose to journals to poetry or even nonfiction pieces. Again, there’s a rut. I do have ideas, though. 

My biggest interest as of right now is video games. I adore the Legend of Zelda series, and I’m currently playing Breath of the Wild. It’s the only thing that makes me happy, so I enjoy talking about it and I play it whenever I can. If you want to indulge me for whatever reason, ask me about that game. I also play Animal Crossing, currently playing New Leaf. 

I’m not good at socializing, so please be patient with me. I have a tendency to withdraw and I have a hard time connecting with others, so I may just be a background presence here, and that’s just fine with me. I hope it’s alright with you guys, too. 

I’m trying to keep strong, and if you ever want, I’ll do my best to help you stay strong as well.   

Sitting with all of you! I hope you’ll sit with me too.

Hi Cael,

Welcome back to the site. I am sorry you were traumatized and have found it hard to fit in some communities, but we do accept you, have no worries about that. Take your time in socializing, as we all do at are own pace. I am glad you remembered us and are trying a return. I wish you the very best as you continue the journey in healing.

Mary

:supportu: 

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2 hours ago, MeBeMary said:

Hi Cael,

Welcome back to the site. I am sorry you were traumatized and have found it hard to fit in some communities, but we do accept you, have no worries about that. Take your time in socializing, as we all do at are own pace. I am glad you remembered us and are trying a return. I wish you the very best as you continue the journey in healing.

Mary

:supportu: 

Thank you, Mary! It means a lot. :) 

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Welcome and welcome back, Cael!  I think this kind of healing work can be isolating in the best of situations, and I hope you do find support and community here.  I think you will.

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