Unsure Newcomer

[KindaConfused]

Hi. 

Im new, like a couple hours ago new. I found this page cause I’m searching for answers. I’m not sure if what happened to me is considered sexual abuse. I don’t have anyone I can ask. I don’t know how to feel. And honestly, I don’t know where to go here for answers. What happened to me was a year and a half ago and recently it dawned on me that it was more than just an unfortunate incident. 

Any direction would certainly be appreciated

thank you 

[MeBeMary]

Hi KindaConfused,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for whatever happened that is making you question if you were abused. Abuse takes many forms and is often very confusing. I am sorry you are feeling this way. The most I would want to say in a public forum, like the Welcome forum, is that if someone has put you in a position of which you did not give permission (consent to), has crossed the line. If what they have done is uncomfortable, frightening, or hurtful and you are now struggling from it, it is likely you can call it abusive. It is not uncommon for survivors of abuse to question the trauma that has taken place, even place the blame for what happened on themselves. You will need to look deep within yourself and allow yourself to decide if what happened to you is wrong. You being here, makes me believe that you already may think so?

I will be sending you a private message. Please know you are not alone.

Mary

 

[Hoping8]

Hi @KindaConfused, and welcome.  I remember feeling something like what you express here, and as hard as it was, I needed to look around, take my time, read some stories, and let it sink in.  If someone had volunteered answers or opinions at that point, I am certain that I would’ve run away—never mind that I thought I was ready for answers. 

You are welcome here, and I am glad to meet you.  I learned that the “share your story” part is sometimes graphic, and there were times that I needed that.  You might too, or you might not.  The “gathering place” seems to be where people post daily trials and get reinforcement.  Look around and feel free to reach out if you need it.  

[silentg]

Hi @KindaConfused, welcome to our AS community

I remember being confused for a long time about what happened to me too. If you feel like it was abuse, chances are there is a good reason for that or you wouldn't be questioning it.  If what happened was unwanted,  coerced or forced on you,  then it was abuse.  Sometimes we find ourselves in confusing situations due to grooming and manipulation, where we may think we 'went along' with something but actually it was a predatory situation. 

There is a thread about the definition of consent, that is pinned to one of the forums and I found that helpful for me in trying to define what happened.  No matter what your situation,  you are not alone and will likely find stories that are similar to what you went through.  most important is how you feel, what you feel is your truth. You will be supported and believed.

 

 

 

[KindaConfused]

Thank you all for the feedback, kind words & warm welcome. 

Ive been using my phone to access the site to not leave a digital trail but perhaps I’ll be able to navigate the site better from my personal computer. 

I look forward to processing and dealing with all the thoughts rocketing around my mind. It’s been wearing me out lately. 

Thanks again! 

[Struggling88]

Hi, KindaConfused, and welcome! 

[elisand]

hi, for 20 years i didn't know whether i'd suffered abuse. like it was my fault because a certain measure of ""pleasure"" was felt. well, it was abuse and the ""pleasure"" was what destroyed any drop of life from me.

 

[BraveOne]

Hi @KindaConfused, welcome to AS. Sorry that you are questioning if you are in the right place or not, I am sure if your questioning you are so I am sorry for the trauma that brought you here. AS is a safe place to talk about everything learn from others lean on others and start the healing process. Hope your doing ok so far.