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Hi Striver,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma that you've endured, but do know that this is a very supportive site...for women and men. Tho we do have more woman on the site than men, this is a site for anyone struggling and looking for ways to help them heal. I'm sorry for all you've been thru, but do know you are accepted and validated here. I wish you the best as you journey down your path of healing.

Mary

:aswelcomesu:

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Hi @Striver.  I am glad you found this site.  I’ve been here a couple of months and it has been a lifeline for me; I hope it will be the same for you.  

I get why you’d be wondering, and I think you WILL fit in.  The fact that you have to wonder makes me kind of sad, but then, I wondered too  when I joined—wondered if I could trust people here, wondered if I’d be “found” here, wondered if I would fit in...

i can tell you honestly that there are times that I don’t want to respond to male members.  Just like there are times that I don’t want to respond to people with certain stories, or particular turns of speech.  And then other days I seek out those exact same voices.  What I mean is, my impulse to connect at any given time is about ME, and where I am at that day—it is not about the other person.  You are very welcome here.  Good job seeking out support and community!

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Hello @Striver, welcome to AfterSilence!  This particular community is an absolute wonderful place to be - AS does not discriminate against gender - if you consider yourself a survivor, you certainly do belong here.  Granted, you'll likely come across more women than you will men but I do know there are a fair amount of male members here (I am friendly with some of them!) and there is also a males-only password protected forum, you can ask any moderator for the password if you would like to gain access and take a look around in there.  I am SURE there is a wealth of information to be found here and I truly hope that you find answers to your own questions involving the abuses you have been through as well as gain support from so many others who truly get it.  

I'm sorry your ex-wife was horrible to you.  I too had an abusive spouse a decade ago.  We are divorced now but unfortunately I still have to deal with him regularly as we have two kids together and we co-parent.  Anyway - it was incredibly brave of you to introduce yourself - hello back and welcome. :)  I hope that being here brings you peace, comfort and healing.  You deserve that.

Best wishes,
Capulet

 

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Hello @Striver and welcome! Of course you are welcome here! I understand your hesitation and trust me when I tell you we all have felt it on some level. I initially felt maybe I didn’t fit in or would be welcome because I didn’t experience CSA. While most of us are women we can all relate to your pain on some level unfortunately. And I agree with @Hoping8 that you will find certain things that will resonate with you more than others- the same will go for threads and members and can change depending on where your head is at in that moment.

Also let me tell you I can relate about dealing with old trauma too. I myself experienced sexual assault and then domestic violence and sexual assault at the hands of a parter more than 20 years ago  and just started admitting it and dealing with it in the past year. You are NOT alone and while I am sorry you have to call yourself a survivor you are in a safe space where you will be heard and supported . Again- welcome!

 

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@Striver I echo everything the others have said. You are welcome no matter how long ago your trauma happened and regardless of whether you are a man, woman or identify as neither. I hope you find some people here that you can relate to - I found that particularly helpful. 

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Hi @Striver,

Welcome to AS, I'm sorry for the trauma you endured. This is a welcoming community where we all support each other as best we can regardless of gender.  Our experiences and feelings about what happened to us tend to be similar even though our stories are different. Many of us - both female and male survivors,  have been abused by women as well as men, so we get it and we know that anyone can be an abuser and anyone can be assaulted.  It's true there are more women here but the guys here are wonderful people and I hope you meet some of them soon.  I'm glad you have a therapist you like.

 

 

 

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Hi welcome, everyone who has survived violence is always always always welcome!

i was abused by a woman too. I am a woman but I feel like because she is a woman people act like it wasn't as bad or that it wasn't really rape. But it was the worst experience. I have info on how women abuser are different than males. Like. Mine is a stalker too. And they way men stalk and women stalk is different. Like women will stalk you in line and write you emails. Whereas a man might show up at you house and leave  flowers. 

Anyway. My female abuser is more sadistic than any male abuser I met. Not to sound sexist. But she is more phycologically damaging ya know? 

Anyway, anytime there is a power imbalance and sexuality is involved it is abuse and rape. So. What happened is real and I believe everything you went through. Let me know if you ever want to talk :) there isn't a lot of info on how to heal from female abusers  

 

Edited by GaleH

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