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When I found your site yesterday I was so relieved...I’ve kept much of what happened to me a secret for so long. I thought if I just tried to forget it and carry on, that it would go away.  It hasn’t. I still question myself, a lot. 

I am hoping that here I can find a place where I can begin to open up and just be me without too much fear.  

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Hi, @Onefineday, welcome to AfterSilence!

I'm so sorry to hear of the heavy secrets you've carried with you for so long - I'm hoping that being here will give you the peace, comfort as well as courage to unload some of it.  The people here are amazing and you are definitely not alone - you're able to be yourself without fear of judgement or criticism from others.  This is truly a safe place.

I look forward to getting to know you!

Again, welcome.

Best wishes,

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Thank you :bighug: it’s still kind of hard for me to talk about because I’m learning my triggers. Just knowing you are here is all that I need. :ThankYou:I’m looking forward to getting to know everyone, too! I just want to be me, and no longer defined by what happened to me. I was a totally different person the day before it happened. And maybe one fine day, I’ll be her again. 

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No problem!!!! :)

Yes, learning your triggers is important....and we're all so very different in how we heal, what we feel, the emotions we experience.  But knowing what YOU need to work on is indeed a part of the process.

But the pain is so common, so knowing that so many people understand is both sad and relieving, I'd think.  But I think it's wonderful that you are taking the steps necessary to start healing.  That's so hard to do sometimes and I think you are incredibly brave for having done so. :)  

I don't know that I'll ever be the same person I was pre-r*pe, but I know I am now a stronger person than I was as a late-teen.  It was nearly 22 years ago for me.  And I'm still working on myself - I'm not trying to scare you with the time it's taken me to get to this point - I haven't been working consecutively and I took many 'breaks,' so you really can't go by me. :)  I just feel that it's comforting to know that I'm not alone on this journey and others can help me when I run into those occasional roadblocks. 

Anyway, take care, and I wish you LOTS of luck and healing!!


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Hello @Onefineday,

Welcome to the After Silence community :wave:  It's a supportive place where I hope you will feel safe. I'm sorry for the trauma that led you to us. Many of us here can relate to feeling we've been holding a secret for a long time. Please feel free to have a look around, take your time, take care of yourself here too - it can be triggering especially in the beginning, and share as much or as little as you like.   I wish you the best in your healing and recovering your sense of self.  What happened doesn't define you and it's also nothing to be ashamed of.


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8 hours ago, Onefineday said:


When I found your site yesterday I was so relieved...I’ve kept much of what happened to me a secret for so long. I thought if I just tried to forget it and carry on, that it would go away.  It hasn’t. I still question myself, a lot. 

I am hoping that here I can find a place where I can begin to open up and just be me without too much fear.  

Hi Onefineday,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you've endured, but happy you found us! The members here are supportive, kind and understanding. Many of us can relate to hiding the secret and dealing with it by not dealing with it. You are not alone. I wish you the best on this healing journey.


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Hi @Onefineday, welcome to AS. I'm so sorry to hear about your trauma, your not alone though. I did a simalar thing tried to ignore it never speaking of it trying to just brush it off and move on from, your not alone in questioning yourself either. Here at AS you will find many of us have tried to ignore it and move on, it seems to work for some for some it resurfaces again no matter how far we run. AS is a safe place to talk about it and how the secret effects you, your free to share whatever you want about it or not share and just chat about how your learning to overcome. Remember each and everyone of us is on this journey to healing some are miles ahead some miles behind some got turned around some are right next to you, try not to look ahead and get jealous its an easy trap to get into. I also wanted to point out just how brave you are for seeking out AS and joining and sharing your first post way to go its a step of progress. Please feel free to look around and get comfortable. Looking forward to seeing your future post.


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Thank you for the kind and friendly welcomes! I am new to this type of communication so if I’m not able to tag you in my thanks, please know I am thankful to each and everyone who took the time and to read and even respond so kindly to me. 

I’ve been isolated and felt shut-down for so long now, that most people don’t need to walk away from me, I push them away. Even if I don’t mean to. I thinks it’s how I’ve been keeping myself “safe”.  That, if anything, is the one thing that I would like to grow from in my survival, that we can be friends. 

Please be patient with me, I might make mistakes. Please know that it means the world to me, to find others who are like me. Survivors. :friends2:

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@Onefineday welcome! I'm so sorry for what you went through but happy you found AS. I'm not a mature member but I'm not a newbie either and this site has been so helpful. Everyone here is very supportive and here is somewhere to vent without fear of judgement. Having people that understand what you are going through makes all the difference. I hope you find the support you need



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Thank you :) I’m looking forward to it, a little each day.  I hope you continue to find the help you need, it was so hard for me to come to terms that reaching out after that hasn’t been too terribly hard. It’s the “what then” part that is hardest to me. Thank you for reaching out to me :hammer::up:

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Welcome @Onefineday from a fellow newbie :)

I'm so glad you found this forum and felt able to post, I joined not too long ago and it was a huge relief for me too. 

Wishing you so much healing, the community here is wonderful and I'm sure you'll be a wonderful part of it.

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