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PhoenixEmber

I can't believe I'm doing this...

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I have spent months considering joining this site, and got approved a week ago, and now I'm finally writing something.  I'm scared, and I don't know why.  I guess I'm afraid that I'm not as healed as I think I am, and I'm worried that by (hopefully) experiencing empathy and understanding here I'll realize what I'm missing IRL.  That, plus I don't know what to do from here.  This website has so many forums and I don't know what will and won't trigger me.  

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I think I figured out my greatest fear- that here, in a place where I'm supposed to find support, no one will respond and I'll be overlooked and invisible again.  Is it possible for someone to see me and hear me?

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Welcome to AS @PhoenixEmber . You're not alone, I see you and hear you. I'm sorry for what you have gone through to bring you here but glad that you have found this place. It is so very brave of you to make your first post. Sitting with you and sending strength as you continue on your journey :candle:

:notalone::youcanheal::aswelcomesu:

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:notalone:Hello and welcome to AS, 

I’m sorry for the trauma that brings you here. You are not alone in being afraid that no one will see or hear you, even here. I think that fear runs pretty deep for me too. 

I think you will find this a supportive place, I know it can be triggering on many of the forums though. It’s good to pace yourself and you’ll find your way around. There are some lighter topic forums you might find less triggering and break the ice a bit like favorite songs etc.  Usually members will add a TW if they are sharing very triggering material so keep an eye out for those . 

I wish you the best in your healing and hope to see you around the forums.

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Yes, I hear you too. @PhoenixEmber you are clearly brave to take this step. That is your spirit reaching out toward healing. I had some of the same fears I think when I joined, and had never been part of any online community.  I have found it totally welcoming, and I hope and expect that that will be your experience too. Welcome!:clap:

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Hi @PhoenixEmber and welcome!
It is definitely possible for you to be heard and seen and you deserve it! You ARE important! What you want and what you need DOES matter.
Another invisible girl here. That's why I chose this nickname.

Welcome to As and best wishes :) :luck:

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Hi @PhoenixEmber, welcome to AS. This is a very safe and supportive group. I was also afraid of being over looked or invisible when I joined I understand that fear. It was incredible brave of you to join and to post looking forward to seeing you atound the forums and supporting you.

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22 hours ago, PhoenixEmber said:

I have spent months considering joining this site, and got approved a week ago, and now I'm finally writing something.  I'm scared, and I don't know why.  I guess I'm afraid that I'm not as healed as I think I am, and I'm worried that by (hopefully) experiencing empathy and understanding here I'll realize what I'm missing IRL.  That, plus I don't know what to do from here.  This website has so many forums and I don't know what will and won't trigger me.  

 

22 hours ago, PhoenixEmber said:

I think I figured out my greatest fear- that here, in a place where I'm supposed to find support, no one will respond and I'll be overlooked and invisible again.  Is it possible for someone to see me and hear me?

Hi PhoenixEmber,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the reason you do find yourself here, but you will find tons of support here. You are heard, acknowledged, and understood here. It is a huge step to reach out, especially when you are so uncertain. I do hope you take time to look around and see that you are not alone. I know that fear starting something new, many of us had those same feelings when we first came to the site. It's ok to take it slow, I know that I certainly did. To be honest, there are some forums that I even still do not go into, and that is ok. You decide what is ok for you here. There is no pressure or judgement. I do wish you the best on your journey of healing.

Mary

:notalone: 

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Hi PhoenixEmber,

Welcome to AS! I’m sorry you have to be here, but glad you came. You’re not alone and you’re not invisible. You’re important! I understand being scared to post here (I often still am), but everyone is very supportive. 

Best, onwheels 

:aswelcomesu:   :notalone:    :youcanheal:   :supportu:

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Thank you so much everyone!  I was reluctant to come back and see what people said, but your support is helpful.  Thanks for the tips on taking it slow.  I'm not sure I'm looking forward to virtually speaking with you, but I think I'm getting closer.  What do you find the most helpful?

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34 minutes ago, PhoenixEmber said:

What do you find the most helpful?

I don't know.... I'm still confused about why I'm here, and I often can't believe myself about it, so one of the most important things for me is validation I guess. Another is being able to help others. Then there's the amazing work the community made to offer a place where people are positively sharing their struggles to receive and give support, instead of throwing random triggering content left and right with no regards for others or even promoting unhealthy coping strategies, as I have seen in other places. This never happens here. The site is very well organized and the useful "triggering" tags warn people about the kind of content treated in the posts, so that one can stay away from contents that he/she feels not ready to deal with.
For me it's also very important reading about experiences with which I can relate and see the whole thing from an external point of view. It has also been useful the education this site provides about SA or abuse in general, it helped to clear up my mind and to feel I maybe didn't do the wrong thing reaching out and signing up to After Silence. Technically I have all the reasons to be here, but feeling it is a different story.

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Phoenix Ember, welcome! Please first off know that all of your worries are valid. I fully feel that their is sincere strength through general unity. Though, I also happen to believe that we all have to take our own individual journey. What ends up being most helpful for another may not be the same with you.

This is why I have come to fully embrace the method of trial and error. Life comes at us way too fast to get it all right the first or even second time. It is what has proved to be most helpful with me. 

Plus, I realize that I'm the one in control now. I have the opportunity to self-protect. Talking things out much more may prove to be helpful. Though, I also do not want to push forward too fast and make things even worse. Maybe doing more listening and some reading at first might be your best bet. This acceptance of 'being my own driver' so to speak has proved to be pretty empowering.

:luck:

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