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I was seeing a girl who was in a domestic violence relationship and she went to the center of hope in Seattle. When she came back I said I'll be friends till she is ready. I know and was friends with her abuser before she met me

im getting to the point of being beyond frustrated with how she treats me and makes me feel. I am also having a tough time trusting her and believing her . When she needs something I have to give it but when I need something she says I expect to much 

 

 

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Hi statsattack,

I'm always happy to see a secondary survivor on site, as I think there is too little support for victims of violence. I'm sorry that she went thru this and sorry you are struggling as a supporter of this person. I know it's not easy and I know you are trying, but please know that she is not hurting you on purpose. You seem to be waiting to return to a relationship with her? It may seem like all she need is a little time and then she should be ready? This is rarely the way it goes. Even if in her mind this is something she wants, she may not be ready with this for some time.

Unfortunately two things you mentioned makes me feel it may be more difficult for her to get back to this spot with you. One, you were friends with her abuser. You may not be him, but you may remind her of him. Second you say that you have a tough time trusting or believing her. She may sense this. If she does, she will have a tough time connecting with you, because survivors deal with this every day. When we are hurt and we are doubted, it can tear us apart.

I'm sorry. This may not be the response you wanted, but really wanted to give you my perspective. I know supporting a survivor is never easy, but if you really care about her you will continue to give her space and support when she needs it. Hopefully she may be ready one day, but this may also take a very long time. Are you ready for that?

I do wish you the best.

Mary

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Hi, statsattack, and welcome! :wave: It’s great that you are here and supporting her. I can imagine it can be frustrating at times. Hopefully you will get some insight here, and you will definitely get lots of support. 

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We are very open with each other. The trust issues come from my insecurities and being abused by my mom. I can lose patience because I have abandonment issues and at times feels like she is abandoning me

me and her ex aren't friends we worked together and friendly.

she told me about her being raped, wanting to end her life and drug use. It is frustrating to me that she can trust me with that stuff but can't watch cobra Kai with me

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