Hello, Looking to heal....

[LooksLikeRain]

Hello everyone, 

   I'm Rain. I'm currently battling PTSD from my sexual assault, which occurred September 27th. I went to the police and reported the man who did it, and it's been a Hellish battle with the courts. He said he does not want to serve jail time, so it looks like we may end up going to trial. 
He has until July 27th to accept the plea bargain, which is 60 days in jail, or we go to trial in August. 

I feel betrayed, since it was my best friend's boyfriend... and she chose his side. Her whole family chose HIS side. Even her brother, who was also my best friend. 
I'm hurt. I'm angry. 

I'm attending therapy and trying to get my life back in order, but it is not easy. I've somehow landed a boyfriend after this incident and it has been a little bit rocky because I tend to lash out, get defensive and get upset. It's like I'm always on edge and need to pick fights over everything. 
And then there's my self esteem. I feel low, like dirt. I feel ugly. 
I've been spending money a lot to try and make myself feel better. 

I just want him in jail. I want everyone to see him for the monster that he is. It's hard because there was no physical evidence, and so, the police can only charge him with simple assault. 
I sometimes feel like there's winning...

 

but I'm trying to have hope. 
I can't give up.

[patriciag]

Hi LLR welcome to AS.  I am sorry for what you have gone through. It's hard to see people we love and trusted turn their backs on us. It's like  a double betrayal.  You will find support here and you are not alone.

Patricia

[MeBeMary]

Hi Rain.

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you endured last September, but do know that you have found a very supportive site. I am sorry others are supporting the wrong person here, because what happened to you was wrong and unfair. Do know that what you feel is normal for what you've been thru. But for my two cents, the ugly, dirty low-down one is not you. You did nothing wrong and he should be ashamed. I am glad you found us. Please take your time and look around. I wish you the best on your healing journey.

Mary

 

[BraveOne]

Hello and welcome to AS @LooksLikeRain. Sorry I'm short on words at the moment just wanted to let you know I read your post and can relate just not sure how to respond at the moment. I'm so sorry for the trauma and the extra trauma from the drauma involved. Your not alone in this.

One

[fallenstar]

Welcome @LooksLikeRain I am sorry this is going on for you. Doesn't seem fair at all...60 days isn't much time. I'm sorry for the loss of your best friends and their family. I'm glad to hear that you're in therapy, just please try to be gentle with yourself as healing from this isn't linear, and the fact that you lost support may make it more difficult. Which is why I'm glad you found AS. There's lots of supportive people here who care and won't judge or blame you for what happened to you. We understand.

[LooksLikeRain]

Thank you all for your sweet, encouraging words. 
I'm starting to get teary eyed lol
I am so glad I found this website already. 
In a way, it's sad that I'm not alone, but in a way, I am glad you're all here. 

I hope you all remember that you're strong, as well. 
I'm fighting for myself, as well as all of you. 

[Struggling88]

Hi, LooksLikeRain, and welcome!