my first post

[browneyedgirl75]

Hello,

 

This is my first post here so I wanted to introduce myself.  I need help with both what happened and with the shame of continuing communication with him for a while afterward.  Thanks in advance.

[Silent_scream]

Hi, I am also new here. 

I just want you to know that you should NEVER feel any shame for what happened. I also am a survivor of sexual assault, I’m not sure to which extent your situation is but regardless the shame is not yours to carry. I as a survivor continued contact with him for nearly 4 years afterwards. I have recently came to a realisation that I wasn’t doing it because I wasn’t hurting but In fact it was because the minute I admitted what HE done was wrong was the minute I believed I became a ‘victim’- denial is just the first part of recovery. It might not feel like it but you’re currently in recovery and I’m so very proud of you for just joining this forum, you are seeking help and accepting what happened to you was wrong you’re doing amazing. The next step is to realise that the blame nor shame is yours to carry. Head over to my page, I wrote about it earlier maybe you will feel some relation to how I felt and continue to feel. You’re not alone. 

[Painnbroken]

41 minutes ago, browneyedgirl75 said:

Hello,

 

This is my first post here so I wanted to introduce myself.  I need help with both what happened and with the shame of continuing communication with him for a while afterward.  Thanks in advance.

Welcome to AS!  I’m sorry for the trauma you’ve endured!  What happened to you isn’t your fault and the shame doesn’t belong on you.  You’ve found a site with supportive people and you’re not alone here.  Please take your time and look around. Say as much or as little as you like. Wishing you the best on your healing journey. 

PB

[Painnbroken]

38 minutes ago, Silent_scream said:

Hi, I am also new here. 

I just want you to know that you should NEVER feel any shame for what happened. I also am a survivor of sexual assault, I’m not sure to which extent your situation is but regardless the shame is not yours to carry. I as a survivor continued contact with him for nearly 4 years afterwards. I have recently came to a realisation that I wasn’t doing it because I wasn’t hurting but In fact it was because the minute I admitted what HE done was wrong was the minute I believed I became a ‘victim’- denial is just the first part of recovery. It might not feel like it but you’re currently in recovery and I’m so very proud of you for just joining this forum, you are seeking help and accepting what happened to you was wrong you’re doing amazing. The next step is to realise that the blame nor shame is yours to carry. Head over to my page, I wrote about it earlier maybe you will feel some relation to how I felt and continue to feel. You’re not alone. 

Welcome to AS as well Silent_scream!  I’m sorry for the trauma that you’ve endured.  I’m glad you realize that this isn’t your doing.  Glad to have you hear on this site.  Best wishes on your healing journey. 

PB

[BraveOne]

50 minutes ago, browneyedgirl75 said:

Hello,

 

This is my first post here so I wanted to introduce myself.  I need help with both what happened and with the shame of continuing communication with him for a while afterward.  Thanks in advance.

Welcome to AS Browneyedgirl! Sorry about the trauma that brought you here truely. Your not alone at all for me 2 of the men that hurt me were friends and it took some serious time before I realized that they had hurt me and I had continued to communicate with them and still considered them friends even though I was very confused about what had happened and why I was slightly scared of them when we would go out. I understand that shame and I am so very sorry. This is a community of very kind and understanding people who are very helpful with support and advice and just listening. Your free to share as little or as much as you want. Your welcomed here no matter what happened in the past, this is a judgement free zone.

One

[browneyedgirl75]

Thank you all!  It took me months I think to realize the enormity of what he had done and that it could be considered sexual assault.  Now that I don't communicate with him anymore and I have taken the time to research things, I can see it.  I know I shouldn't feel shame and that it wasn't my fault, I just hate that part of me that couldn't see it and continued to believe he loved me and that we had a future.  Hindsight is 20/20, for sure.  Thank you again for your kind words.

[MeBeMary]

Hi browneyedgirl,

Welcome to AS. I am so sorry for the trauma you have endured, but do know you have found a very supportive site. I'm sorry you feel shame, but I am glad you know it was not your fault. Coming to understand and accept trauma as what it is, is extremely difficult. Tho our circumstances were different, I couldn't even acknowledge what had happen for many years. I somehow "was responsible" for whatever it was that happened, or at least it was what I convinced myself. I wasn't responsible, and neither were you. I understand how that is hard to shake. It is a big step to want to face what happened, and I wish you well on more forward steps on this path of healing.

Mary

[silentg]

Welcome to AS!

I am sorry for the trauma that brings you here, but I hope you will find us a supportive community. I am glad you know it wasn't your fault, and you are definitely not alone in having contact with a perpetrator after a SA, I have had a similar experience of being confused about what happened for a while and I know now that being in denial can be a result of shock and trauma, as the brain tries to rewrite history to something 'not so bad'. At least that is how it was for me! but at any rate I hope that talking about things with people who relate and understand will help you recover and feel less shame.

[browneyedgirl75]

Thank you, silentg. That means more to me than I can say. It’s just so helpful to know that I’m not the only one. ❤️

[phoenixxx]

On 31/12/2017 at 2:57 PM, browneyedgirl75 said:

Hello,

 

This is my first post here so I wanted to introduce myself.  I need help with both what happened and with the shame of continuing communication with him for a while afterward.  Thanks in advance.

You are definitely not alone. This is quite normal as far as I know. I continued meeting up and talking to some of the people who hurt me for a year or more - like you it took me a while to see things for what they were. I still find it hard to believe that what they did was wrong and that it wasn't my fault because they were people I knew and thought were good people. It is very confusing especially when there are emotions involved. I am glad you found AS and hope you find lots of comfort here. 

[Jayt]

hello! 

I’m so glad you are taking steps to get the help you need. you are loved and you are strong. if you ever need anything you can always message me. 

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

[Struggling88]

Hi, Browneyedgirl75,  and welcome!