Hi, from someone who doesn't know wether he IS a survivor or not

[nailimixam]

Hello everyone here, 

I am really glad that I have found this. I am currently at the point where I am faced with the question, the feeling and the suspicion that something might have happened to me as a child. IF something might have happened to me as a child. All I have is a big lack of memory and certain experiences, feelings, mind-images, dreams and possibly even behaviours that have been and could be suggestive of such a thing having happened to me. 

And this is what brings me here. After using the last year of working through things, realising that I grew up in an emotionally abusive family constellation (though the emotional abuse was involuntary), working through it and re-discovering parts of myself, and regaining memories there is still something that feels like a pit in me, that is inaccessible and keeps the rest of the 'full me' and my memories away. And, I just know in order to become fully and wholly me I need and want to open this and access it. Because I know however big the horror what waits is beyond reward. 

I hope to speak to many of you, can listen to you, find out about your experiences maybe get pointed in right directions and I hope I even can offer support from my side. I am always happy to listen. 

And lastly, just because it has a huge impact on me and I find it to ring true to many fighting, no matter with what kind of issues and horrors, I'd like to share a song.

Our hearts are all golden, we just forget it from time to time!

 

[EmptyInside]

Hi and welcome  

Thank you for your introduction, I hope that you find us all a welcoming bunch and that we can follow your journey of discovery and healing.

[Dahliaa]

Welcome to AS. I really hope you enjoy it here and find the healing that you so much deserve  

[patriciag]

HI Nail,welcome to AS.  Believe it or not more people have buried their abuse than remember them. It is a way to survive as a child. Take your time remembering, your mind knows how much you can take. We are here to support you, you are not alone.

Patricia

[CurlyQueen]

Welcome to AS. I don't know how much I can give you, but I will say this. Don't get bogged down in trying to find a label for yourself, let yourself feel what your feeling, in the end labels don't really matter. Let me know if you need anything 

[BraveOne]

Welcome to AS nail. Sorry that you have a reason to be here. Many of us have burried trauma, your not alone. Take your time trying to remember dont rush it.  It takes time but you can heal.

[Struggling88]

Hi, Nailimixam, and welcome! 

[Painnbroken]

Hello @nailimixam and welcome to AS! I’m sorry for the trauma you endured.  You will find many of us buried or just blocked what was done to us. It’s a normal thing to do. Wishing you the best on your healing journey. 

PB

[silentg]

Hello @nailimixam, I'm late to this thread but wanted to send a welcome too. I liked the song a lot, thank you for sharing that. I hope that you find this place a safe and supportive place while you explore your history and I hope that you discover the truths you are seeking. I have lost memories too and some have come back and others haven't. Whether you are able to retrieve memories or not you deserve compassion and support as you face the difficult road ahead. I'm also on the newbie support team so feel free to get in touch if you need anything.

[ladypendragon]

Welcome! I hope you find the support you need.