New Member Saying Hello

[Socratort]

Hello everyone. 

I'm new here and wanted to say hello.. 

Many years ago, I joined the community of secondary survivors. In turn, that led me to be able to act as a voice survivors as part of what I do. I now find that I'm a secondary survivor once again on a personal level.

I'm hoping I can contribute to, and draw strength from, this community.

[Struggling88]

Hi, Socratort, and welcome!  It's always nice to see secondary supporters here. This is a wonderful community with supportive and caring people. 

[BraveOne]

7 hours ago, Socratort said:

Hello everyone. 

I'm new here and wanted to say hello.. 

Many years ago, I joined the community of secondary survivors. In turn, that led me to be able to act as a voice survivors as part of what I do. I now find that I'm a secondary survivor once again on a personal level.

I'm hoping I can contribute to, and draw strength from, this community.

Welcome to AS. I'm sorry someone you love has been through a trauma of this nature. I know we are a great supportive community and we have many supportive people to help out in so many ways. I hope we can be here in whatever capacity you need us to be in.

One

[MeBeMary]

Hi Socratort,

Welcome to AS. I am always happy to greet a secondary survivor, as it is wonderful to know somebody has support. This is not always the case, but someone is fortunate enough to have you in their corner. I am also sorry that you do have someone who needs support. I do wish you the best.

Mary

[Bluesclues]

Thank you for what you do and I'm sorry you know someone that was affected by this. 

[Socratort]

Thanks for the warm welcomes.

The one thing I've found over the years is if there was ever a place where angels could be on earth, its among the community of survivors. The amount of kindness and compassion I've seen among survivors defies description. The simple act of reaching out to someone else, even simply to say to simply say hello and you are not alone, can make such a difference.

I'm still learning about this group and getting a feel for how it operates, so I may not jump that often, at least not at first.

What I am hoping to contribute here though, is to help build a better understanding between survivors and secondary survivors, coming from the secondary point of view. There's lots of information for secondary survivors, but the bulk of it seems to focus on what not to do and less as to what to do. To me, it should be the other way around.

 

[silentg]

Hello and welcome to AS,

It sounds like you have a lot of experience as a secondary to share, which I'm sure others will benefit from. I'm sorry that someone close to you has endured trauma but glad you are supporting them.

 

[reglois]

Sorry you have some one close that has suffered trauma.  Personally, please may I beg to differ, what NOT to do is vitally important. 

[Painnbroken]

Welcome to AS! I'm sorry that someone close to you has to suffer this type of trauma.  I'm glad that you are will to help. A lot of us don't have anymore to be supportive for us. So it's always nice to see that someone has that type of support.  if okay

[MeBeMary]

On 9/13/2017 at 8:09 AM, Socratort said:

There's lots of information for secondary survivors, but the bulk of it seems to focus on what not to do and less as to what to do. To me, it should be the other way around.

 

10 hours ago, reglois said:

Personally, please may I beg to differ, what NOT to do is vitally important. 

I tend to agree with @reglois. I know as a secondary survivor you want to do something, you want to help, you want to be able to fix it. I admire what you and other secondarys wish you could do. As a survivor, I think everyone of us wish it were that easy. We are changed individuals and we are trying to find out who this new us is. We need to deal with the changes and just hope there is someone supportive like you, when we are able to reach out. I know it is not easy for you and I do sympathize with the secondary's feeling of perhaps having a feeling of helpless in the situation. If you are patient and understanding, it does so much for the survivor. If you push or try to take control, it can trigger us. You may be right, it should be the other way around, but unfortunately it very rarely works that way. I say this with the upmost respect. What not to do is more important most times than what you do. I know this is harder for you, yes, but for the survivor it can be a necessity. Please be patient with those survivors you care about. 

 

 

[Socratort]

Thanks again for all the replies. I don't think I was 100 percent clear.

First, my background. I was a secondary survivor  a long time ago for a decade. That person is no longer part of my life. She was the love of my life, but we parted ways many years ago. Currently, a good friend has confided in me that she is a survivor.

Second, is I agree not making mistakes is critical. But the ratio of what not to do versus what to do seems to be about 100 to 1. A better way to put it would have been to see more of what to do, but not at the expense of what not to do.

I did start a thread in the secondary survivors forum on this  topic, with the hope that it would do exactly what the comments to me intended; to help those who support the people in our lives whom we care about.

Your comments are greatly appreciated.

  

[Marsha]

Hi. I'm brand new to this sight. I'm not sure what to do or say. I've never heard of After Silence. Could someone help me ? 

[MeBeMary]

35 minutes ago, Marsha said:

Hi. I'm brand new to this sight. I'm not sure what to do or say. I've never heard of After Silence. Could someone help me ? 

Hi Marsha,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry you have experienced something awful that has you seeking out help, but glad also that you have reached out. Many of us have found the site by just surfing the web looking for someplace, and the good news is this place you will find much support from kind and understanding members. You are not alone. I am a member of the newbie support team, and I will PM you with some information to get you started on your journey here.

Mary

[LookingforSunshine]

On 9/14/2017 at 11:07 PM, Socratort said:

Thanks again for all the replies. I don't think I was 100 percent clear.

First, my background. I was a secondary survivor  a long time ago for a decade. That person is no longer part of my life. She was the love of my life, but we parted ways many years ago. Currently, a good friend has confided in me that she is a survivor.

Second, is I agree not making mistakes is critical. But the ratio of what not to do versus what to do seems to be about 100 to 1. A better way to put it would have been to see more of what to do, but not at the expense of what not to do.

I did start a thread in the secondary survivors forum on this  topic, with the hope that it would do exactly what the comments to me intended; to help those who support the people in our lives whom we care about.

Your comments are greatly appreciated.

  

Welcome to AS!

[Joanm7]

How sad you had to go through this with the love of your life