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A survivor handling the burden for 30 years

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Welcome to AS @Hybrid0  I am so sorry for the trauma you've experienced.  I can relate to remaining silent for 30 yrs plus. You will find support and no judgement at all. Your not alone here and many can relate.  Best wishes on your healing journey.  


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Thank you for the welcome @Painnbroken 

Truthfully I'm scared the darkness was all encompasing  and after all these years I've become afraid of anything positive in my life often blaming myself for things out of my control. I don't know where to begin.


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Welcome to AS. So sorry you've had this secret to keep for such a long time. I can so relate. It is not easy. Bit by bit it will become more manageable and improve. 

I hope you did what you feel is the right thing for you, for me, sharing what I can of my secret is the right thing for me. Please take care. 

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8 hours ago, Hybrid0 said:

Hello everyone I endured an approx 30 year silence finally divulgeing my secret

I hope I did the right thing

Hi Hybrid,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma you have endured. Before coming here, I was like you, remaining silent for 30+ years. It's amazing to me sometimes how long trauma can stick with you, especially if you don't address it. You never deserved to be hurt and you deserve every right to heal. Reaching out to others is a great big step. I wish you many more forward steps in this healing journey.



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:aswelcomesu: @Hybrid0 you did the right thing. Way to go on breaking your long silence...you can be free of holding on to those horrible memories to yourself now. This site is the safest place I've felt in a very long time. 

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hello @Hybrid0 welcome to AS,  You say you dont know where to begin, well, joining a forum like this is a huge beginning, I kept my secret for nearly the same length of time so i know where you are coming from,.,  i hope being here will help you to open up and start to heal

please know that you have support here, take care, Paula (Angelic) :youcanheal::aswelcomesu:

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Welcome to AS 

sorry for the trama you have gone through

Like you it was 30 plus years before I said anything this last January.  I am figuring out that waiting and keeping it in was a horrible idea . hope you have an easier time controlling the flood of thing that may try to hold you back after keeping it in for so long 

Everyone here will help as much as they can . they have moved mountains for me and I only been here a month or so . 

PM me if you ever want to talk or may need to open up . I know what it is like to keep it in for so long 

Welcome we are all here for you

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Anytime you want to PM me . I am on this site at least 10 times a day . 

Drop me a note . I can open up and let you know what i am going through if you like. that may give you the ability to know what is happening if it start to happen to you. 

anytime I am here to listen . I wiĺl sit with you . or maybe you will need a picket rider if you are going somewhere 

you just drop me a note Anytime!!!

sorry for the reason any and all of you are here!!!!

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Welcome to AS, I'm sorry for what you endured 30 years ago and all the years of silence. Your not alone. Take your time opening up and looking around here at AS.


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On 8/24/2017 at 0:18 PM, Hybrid0 said:

Hello everyone I endured an approx 30 year silence finally divulgeing my secret

I hope I did the right thing

Welcome to AS! I to carried the secret for a long time (I was 25 when I told my husband and about 30 when I told my parents). It weighs a lot on a person. I am now 50, and I don't regret a single day of divulging the secret. I do have some "what ifs" because I wonder if certain things in life would have been different if I had just kept it to myself, but no regrets.

I am still fairly new to the site and struggle with my trauma off and on. It got even more complicated for me later in life, but that's a different story. I still find myself browsing and reading other stories. I'm still trying to find my place. Browse the site, read and hopefully you'll find yourself on a path to healing soon. This site has great support. I wish you well. Safe hugs if ok :hug:

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@Hybrid0 I hope things will turn around for you. Recovery for me, and probably many others, is like a never-ending roller coaster ride.

As for the kitten, she's always been an extension of my personality. I love music. When I'm at the computer, I always have my headset on haha (and sometimes singing and dancing in my chair, depending on the mood) The gif has the head bopping back and forth! Maybe you'll find something for your profile pic like that. I try to think of things that make me happy since I tend to be down most of the time too. That way, if I do come to the computer, I have something to make me smile.


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On 9/4/2017 at 3:29 AM, Hybrid0 said:


thanks for the words. i can't think of better people then the people here. it hurts me to read some posts and hear the heartache and trauma people are enduring I wish i could help them, I have many concerns and questions as i'm sure many new people have. 

Hi Hybrid0, and welcome. Many new people do have questions and concerns, and it can be a little overwhelming here at first, even triggering. Do take care of yourself and pace yourself too.  It sounds like you are very affected by other people's stories, that is common and we support each other the best we can, but we also know we have to take care of ourselves too. Sometimes we don't know how to respond or what to say in the face of someone's pain, but so often just a few words of empathy and support can go a really long way. sometimes just saying ' i hear you and support you' is very validating . Please know that the 'Newbie Support Team' is here to help if we can, if you have questions about how things work or the site or finding your way around, or if you are just feeling overwhelmed feel free to contact one of us.

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