Hello, this is terrifying

[0123]

Hello, this is my first time here, first time attempting to reach out to anyone at all. I've been in a relationship for 7&1/2 years like something out of the shows I watch on TRU tv. I've been trying for a long time now to get myself to talk to someone or reach out for help, but haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I always hang up when I call the crisis hotline, or cancel my doctors appointment I made to reach out to my doctor. I tried live chat, but as soon as I have to describe or explain what caused me to contact them I can't seem to say or even type the words. I really hope that maybe there is someone out there that has experienced what I'm feeling and going through that could help me to get to the point I need to be at to be able to not hang up the phone the next time I call a hotline. Because at this point it seems like there is absolutely no hope at all, and not having hope is a scary feeling.

[Painnbroken]

13 minutes ago, 0123 said:

Hello, this is my first time here, first time attempting to reach out to anyone at all. I've been in a relationship for 7&1/2 years like something out of the shows I watch on TRU tv. I've been trying for a long time now to get myself to talk to someone or reach out for help, but haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I always hang up when I call the crisis hotline, or cancel my doctors appointment I made to reach out to my doctor. I tried live chat, but as soon as I have to describe or explain what caused me to contact them I can't seem to say or even type the words. I really hope that maybe there is someone out there that has experienced what I'm feeling and going through that could help me to get to the point I need to be at to be able to not hang up the phone the next time I call a hotline. Because at this point it seems like there is absolutely no hope at all, and not having hope is a scary feeling.

Welcome to AS!  I am so sorry for the reason you are here. Good job on reaching out to us here.  Please know that you are not alone with this. You will find people here who can relate.  Please know that you're in a safe place.  You will find people who is understanding and there is no judgement here.  Please know you can say as much or as little as you like.  Please take your time and get to know the forums.  Best wishes on your healing journey. 

 Sincerely,

Painnbroken

[intheprocess2]

I am so sorry for what you are going through.Have you tried making an appointment with your doctor and going in with a note you could hand him/her that says you have something very important to discuss but can't seem to start?

[0123]

Thank you

I feel unbelievably alone, I have friends and family but I think they are probably the last people I'll be able to tell. That sounds so stupid you would think the people closest to you would be the easiest to talk to but I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell them. Thank you so much 

[0123]

Hello intheprocess2, I have thought about it but never gone threw with it. The closest I've ever came to getting help was a couple years ago I made a doctors appointment and planned to tell my doctor but of course couldn't do it, but mustered up the courage to ask her if she could point me in the direction of a therapist because I was depressed and having family issues. And I made an appointment with the therapist but it caused a huge fight and in the end he made sure I couldn't make the appointment. So I never bothered trying to get counseling again after that.

[MeBeMary]

Hi 0123,

Welcome to AS. I am sorry for the trauma you are enduring, but do know that you are supported here. You are not alone.  Nobody has the right to hurt you and I am so happy you have reached out. Reaching out is hard, I know, but you were very brave to do so. It all starts with one step, and you have done that. There will be more, when you are ready. There is no pressure or judgment, just hope, which you will eventually see. It's hard now, but one step at a time, and you will get there. I support you and wish you the best.

Mary

[0123]

Thank you Mary 

I felt so stupid for having such a hard time bringing myself to just talk to anyone about it. It's so comforting and such a relief to know there's nothing wrong with me for having such a hard time

[MeBeMary]

It took me a long time to reach out, so I know how difficult it can be.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, other than you deserve better, but that will come. When I found this place, it was like finding my voice, something I never knew before. I hope this for you, too.    

[0123]

Thank you Mary I can't even describe what I'm feeling at the moment im crying and so relieved. I posted on the domestic violence section and ready to try to find my voice too. Thank you so much 

[MeBeMary]

to you, if ok.

[0123]

Is the domestic violence page private? I know this is public but is it safe to write things on the domestic violence forum?

[MeBeMary]

Yes. Only members have access to this forum.

[0123]

Okay thank you

[GaleH]

This is the safest place to come for this stuff. I feel safer here than at a doctor or on the phone with a hotline. I feel I have to fight really hard to be an advocate for myself everywhere else but here it's really easy to get open supportive people. You are not crazy for wondering if it's safe to talk to a hotline or doctor. There is that possibility they could re victimized something stupid. You are just trying to protect yourself. I'm not trying to discourage you to reach out either. Just this post you made today will make you that much stronger. 

Edited August 23, 2017 by GaleH

[0123]

Thank you GaleH I do feel a little better already, and I really haven't shared anything yet. And with the hotlines and doctors and therapist I just get scared because we have children, and I think sometimes if I was to talk to them they'd get child protective services involved or put me in a situation where I have to leave not realizing that could potentially make things more dangerous for us. And I'm just scared in general, not knowing how I would manage if I did leave. But mentally and emotionally im at a point where I have to do something even if it's just telling a stranger to get it out. I've always been able to get my head straight and find enough strength to keep going and try to think positive. Lately I'm either holding back the tears, having an anxiety attack in the bathroom or completely numb. Thank you all for the support and encouragement 💕💕

[Bluesclues]

Welcome to as, I'm so sorry you're going through this but I'm glad you have finally found a place to speak. Safe hugs

[reglois]

   

 

So sorry you are in such a situation, it is the hardest thing in the world to leave an abusive relationship, children only make it harder, mine had me so convinced that he could get the kids and that I was too stupid to be able to manage alone that I never left.  I now know (he is dead) that I could have done it, I am not that stupid.

[0123]

Thank you, and im sorry you had to deal with someone like that! It's so comforting knowing I'm not alone and really sad at the same time to see the unbelievable number of people going through such horrible things also. 😢 I'm so thankful I found my way to this page! I feel so comfortable and un judged, even safe which is so strange to me. 

[Struggling88]

Hi, 0123, and welcome!  

[fallenstar]

 @0123 i am sorry for what brought you here. Can understand how hard it can be to reach out but am super glad you are able to post here. I also understand not feeling you can talk to friends and family about it. Makes a lot of sense to me. I wish you comfort and healing and safety. 

[BraveOne]

[MelodyR2005]

On 8/22/2017 at 9:01 PM, 0123 said:

Thank you

I feel unbelievably alone, I have friends and family but I think they are probably the last people I'll be able to tell. That sounds so stupid you would think the people closest to you would be the easiest to talk to but I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell them. Thank you so much 

It's not stupid.  My family is the least helpful bunch of people.  My mom and sister just dont understand why i stayed with him.  Welcome here.  I don't post alot but I do try to read, as much as i can.