New here.

[Revjeth]

Hello. I'm a 40 year old man still trying to figure myself out. I spent a big portion of my life thinking that i wasn't really affected by what happened to me 30 something years ago. But as time goes on i realize that the major problems i have had in my life are very much related to it. For me its not about nightmares or flashbacks, I don't get triggered by anything and I'm thankful for this because i know it could be a lot worse.What i do struggle with is being the kind of man i know i can be. Not sure how much detail i should go into in this first post but i will say that  I feel what was done to me robbed me of certain personality traits i should have. I have always felt like i was missing something inside. Many times I've tried to "act" like the man i want to be but it feels emotionally exhausting and always seems to backfire. I'm wondering if anyone out there can relate.

[MeBeMary]

Hi Revjeth,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry what you experienced all those years ago, but you will find tons of support here. It is very common to try to deny what happens to us as a cause for so many struggles we come across in life, but trauma can cause effects for a very long time. I, like you, denied it for over 30 years. I struggled and thought there was something wrong with me, but the only thing wrong with me was that I had not acknowledged what happened as being traumatic and why I did not adjust well in many situations. Just because you don't experience flashbacks or nightmares does not mean what happened to you was ok. There is a reason why it is called trauma. Many of us share similar effects, but not all the same effects. We each react differently, and that is ok. The goal for of us all is to heal, and AS is a good place to start. I wish you the best as you begin this healing journey.

Mary

[reglois]

   

[Revjeth]

1 hour ago, MeBeMary said:

Hi Revjeth,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry what you experienced all those years ago, but you will find tons of support here. It is very common to try to deny what happens to us as a cause for so many struggles we come across in life, but trauma can cause effects for a very long time. I, like you, denied it for over 30 years. I struggled and thought there was something wrong with me, but the only thing wrong with me was that I had not acknowledged what happened as being traumatic and why I did not adjust well in many situations. Just because you don't experience flashbacks or nightmares does not mean what happened to you was ok. There is a reason why it is called trauma. Many of us share similar effects, but not all the same effects. We each react differently, and that is ok. The goal for of us all is to heal, and AS is a good place to start. I wish you the best as you begin this healing journey.

Mary

Thank you so much. You kinda said what i couldn't put into words. For a long time i didn't acknowledge it as trauma. It happened between the ages of 5 and 6. Maybe 7. Hard to say for sure. When i was old enough to realize what it really was i just told myself i was Ok and i wasn't affected by. I just let it go. I figured i was fine. No trauma. What i didn't realize was that since then i have been letting everything go. I've allowed myself to be taken advantage and walked all over my entire adult life. And it has really caused some major problems For me and people i care about. I can point to a few key moments in life that have led to my troubles. Had i stood up for what was right at those times, life would be a lot more pleasant. But i always seem to freeze when there is any confrontation. So i end up being taking advantage of when i know i should be willing to stand up and be strong. I've been avoiding confrontation my whole life and it has really made things hard. I figure that not seeing what he did to me as trauma has set the tone for my entire life. He did what he wanted to me and i have been letting people treat me however they want ever since. 

[Struggling88]

Hi, Ravjeth, and welcome! 

[Painnbroken]

Hello and welcome to AS!  

[phoenixxx]

Welcome!