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pinkpanda

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Hey, so I was raped 12 days ago at a fraternity party (cliché I know). I woke up and my body had been used, abused, and uncovered. As a result I have chlamydia, which I am getting treated for. Here's another cliché: I never thought it would happen to me. It's true, I didn't. I honestly don't know what happened that made me feel so sick that night and need to go to sleep. I don't know who thought it was okay to take advantage of me. I don't know the details of their actions. To be honest, all I know is the physical pain I felt after, and the emotional struggle I am dealing with today. I keep getting this same nightmare that wakes me up and seems so real. I feel like my family looks at me differently now. Worst of all, I feel like my body isn't my own anymore. If anybody has ever felt remotely similar please let me know because I feel like an island in a sea of pitiful looks.

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Hi pinkpanda,

Welcome to AS. I am so very sorry that you have been victimized by some disgusting monster. It was not your fault. It doesn't matter if you were at a party, if your memory was impaired, or if you never thought it could happen to you. It was wrong for you to be hurt. The aftermath can be just as damaging as the initial trauma that we go thru, but you have reached out to us, which is a big step. You will find many members who can relate to your experience. I wish you the very best as you begin this healing journey.

Mary

:notalone:

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Hi Pinkpanda. I'm so very sorry this happened to you. I was raped at a party in college when I was really drunk, too. I'm proud of you for reaching out for help so soon. It took me a year to tell anyone what had happened, and that makes a huge difference. Hugs to you.

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Based on what you are saying, I think it is likely that you were drugged. This is a rampant problem. But there is almost no enforcement to combat it. I am sorry this happened to you.  Take care. Recovery is a very long process. 

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Welcome to the forum. I am glad you reached out here and looking for support. I am so sorry for what happened to you. Its very common to feel your body it not yours anymore. I feel the same. Healing from something like that takes a long time. Give yourself some time and take care of yourself. You are not alone and reach out here whenever you need some support.

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I was raped when I was 18 after drinking on St. Paddy's day.  The pain was so great, physically.  I feel like it was all my fault.  I felt like I was so stupid for doing it.  I realize now that I just wanted a close relationship with someone because I was raped by my Dad and I let this person do this to me.  I still feel like it's my fault.

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I was raped for the first time when i was 14. My best friend boyfriend at the time. He stole my virginity which had been promised to this 17year old i 'was in love with' who controlled everything i did. Clothes, friends, food, when to sleep. I had to call him sir and master. He made me do disgusting things to him. I had no knowledge of the body or sex. 'fresh' is what he called me and when he found out i was no longer a virgin... I had fractured ribs, multiple bruises, and my tailbone was fractured from the anal rape. I was 19 when it happened again. Freshman year in college second week of school i meet this guy whose in a frat. At a party and we go back to his room. He forced and enjoyed hurting me. And again the last two weeks of schbol i had avoided him loke the plague and still i ended up being raped by him twice. He said he had been looking for me for the entire year while he was inside me. Said no girl had ever gotten him off like i could. At this point my life has taken a turn for the worse. Im drinking. Dropped out of college. Partying. Doing drugs harcore. A friend found his way into my bed one night and i let him rape me. I didnt even fight this time. I told him no. Stop. Not to do this but i just cried and laid there and felt my mind snap. For 3 months i let him do this to me. I craved that kind of pain not knowing that i was killing myself. I was a cutter. And my last relationship was with a guy from another country. Their views on women were... Outdated. He held me a gun point and anally raped me. It doesnt matter what you do in life. Keep moving forward. I have 3 children and a spouse that loves me. But. i. cant. Move. Forward. Any. Longer.

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Hi, Pinkpanda, and welcome! :wave: I'm sorry that happened to you. I feel like when people find out what happened to me they look at me differently and see me in a different light. What happened to us was not our fault! 

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