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JustMe3

Trying to feel better

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I feel so bad. I just started working on being hurt. Right now it's hard for me to say what happen to me. I was in my twenties and blocked it out. It just started bothering again. I thought it's my fault. If I had not went in the house it would have never happened. I didn't think. I just feel horrible. I m married now and never told my husband. I'm so scared to tell him but I feel so bad. He knows something not right just think I'm acting crazy for nothing. I just want to stop hurting. I want to go to a support group but I can't even say it. How I'm going to go to a group. Thanks for listening.

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Welcome to AS. You are not alone in this and what happened to you isn't your fault.  You'll find a lot of understanding supportive people here.  A lot of us are in your shoes or have been in your shoes. I am so sorry for what happened to you that brought you here and to your struggles. 

One

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Hi JustMe,

Welcome to AS. I am so very sorry for the trauma that you have experienced, but you have found a very supportive site. Please believe me when I say this is NOT your fault. There is nothing you did or could have done that should result in that type of pain. It is a hard word, and you will say it when your ready. You will not be pressured here. I understand about missing pieces of memory, too. Many of us do. I'm sorry it is difficult for you to talk to your husband about this, but again, it will come in your own time. Reaching out is a big step, one of many I wish for you.

Mary

:notalone:

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Thank you both so much. I can't explain how I feel. I have been afraid to reach out and didn't know what to expect. This feels weird in a good way. 

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Welcome to AS. You will find here that people are very supportive. Take you time with telling your husband. Sitting with you if okay.

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Thank you Field8. It just feels so fresh. I didn't want to do it. He took something from me you know. After that night, I told myself it never happened and I would forget it. I never thought it would come back up

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I am sorry that you are struggling Justme3. I think it always comes back up. but we don't ever expect it to. take good care of yourself. 

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4 hours ago, JustMe3 said:

Thank you both so much. I can't explain how I feel. I have been afraid to reach out and didn't know what to expect. This feels weird in a good way. 

I completely understand, I am missing a memory or two it's painful to grasp that it's just gone even ten years later for me. I was r and I didn't tell a soul one day I just felt like my own memories were holding me hostage I got help I found a T. With a few months of working I was able to share with her what I had been though and she was actually able to help me more.  My T sent me here actually.  So it took me ten years to talk to anyone and months to finally be able to tell my T I can't and won't tell family and friends.  You are stronger then you realize and this is a great support system. I hope you find your answers here.

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The exact same thing happened to me. I was 18. I went to his house that day. I went to his bedroom thinking he would reapect me. I just wanted to hang out. I had said NO multiple times before. 

He didn't care. He had the berve to tell me how he thought I was joking. I blamed myself for the longest time. I stayed 4yrs with him. I tried to pretend that he was right. I was joking that night. I really wanted to be with him. He never hurt me. 

Three months ago I was able to face the truth. He hurt me. He caused me so much pain and IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!!

So with that being said, you've taken a great big step. After I posted my story on a different forum it was easier for me to talk about it. The feeling that these strangers can't judge me, made it so much easier for me to talk about it. 

One day you might be able to talk to those close to you. I have only spoken two 1 friend about this. Let's fight together and overcome this. You are not alone!! It wasnt your fault!!!

With love, Maria.

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Welcome JustMe3. I am sorry for what you have been through. I know forgetting is what we all want, but unfortunately it doesn't quite work that way. I hope AS will give you comfort and support while you heal. Feeling like it is your fault is common but it really is just a feeling. You are NOT at fault. He is. Take good care of you. 

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