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Moving on


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Hello all! 

I'm new to the forum. I decided to join because I realized that in order to overcome this I will need all the support I can get. Right now it is hard for me to find that support in those who are close to me.  

Back story.

Six years ago (2010)  my life changed when I met my abuser. He was a person I trusted. When he hurt me I didn't know how to react. I stayed with my abuser for 4 years. 

Two years ago (2014) I managed to leave him. It took me a year to "heal". 

By 2015 I manage to boost my self-esteem and live a "happy" life until just three months ago (2016). 

After a argument with my sister I realized all this time I had been living in denial. I hadn't healed completely because I refused to accept he abused me. My sister found out about my debt and threatened to tell my parents. I told her she couldn't say anything if she  didnt know what led me there. After what he did to me he used it against me. He would blackmail me into giving him money. I was 5000+ in debt when I left him. Now my debt has almost doubled. It was painful to accept that I had been living in a fantasy doing my best to pretend nothing was wrong. I had only been making things harder for myself, example pretending I didn't owe anything and kept getting new credit cards to cover up why I didn't have enough money.

I want to move on. I want to pay off my debt. I want to live a worry free life. I cannot let that event stop me from achieving my dreams. I cannot do this alone. I hope I find good people to talk to in my times of need. 

I hope my post is ok withing the rules. lol

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Heroine Welcome to AS. I am sorry for the abuse that you suffered years ago. It is sad but normal to think we can leave things behind us but there is a time that it comes back. You are not alone here, we are here to support you. You can move beyond this. :aswelcomesu:

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Welcome to AS, heroine33. I am sorry for the abuse you suffered years ago. I relate to thinking you are fine and then realising you are not years later. Sometimes we need some time until we are ready to really deal with the fall-out. It sounds like you are at a point where you are ready to heal and move on. That takes a lot of courage so you can be proud for that. This was a great first step. I hope you will find lots of support here and that you can figure out how the money situation. I think there are paying off debt schemes out there where you can pay a fixed amount monthly or something. It may make it easier. Maybe you could talk to your bank about it?

 

 

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Thank you  all for replying! I forgot to introduce myself properly. My name is Maria. Nice to meet you all!

 

Patricia thank you! It feels great to know someone out there cares. I know that by being part of this family I will find the help I need to move on. Thank you!

 

FieldyThank you! I just hope that my story can encourge someone someday. Thank you for your welcome!

Phoenix thank you! I think my first step was writing a detailed letter about that night and burning it. I had already admitted what happened but I didnt know what to do. I was interested in having a relationship with someone but I kept pushing him away. He was so confused so I wrote the letter to him so he could understand why I behaved like that. I was so embarrassed when I gave it to him so I asked him to burn it instead. When he did I felt so relieved I was so happy. That's when I realized I still had a long path to recovery but I had taken a ginormous first step. :)

I have been thinking about talking to them about lowering the interest for a little bit. I will see what I can do. I hope they are of help. If not I will have to slowly but surely pay it off. :/

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Welcome to the forum maria. Im sure you find lots of support here. Its great to hear you want to move on. You are not alone. I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years and left her some months ago. I am also in the process of moving on and still a bit hang up in the denial phase. Often I see my ex as a good person who didnt mean any of that. Then in some moments I see her for what she is but then fall back into my fantasy world where I imagine all the good things and block out the bad. It can be a real mess. Sorry for rambling on just want to let you know you are not alone with your struggles.

Hope to hear from you soon :)

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Hi Heroine,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry you experienced trauma, but you have found a very supportive site. There are many understanding and kind members here. I want to give you proper credit here tho. You spent 4 years enduring the abuses he bestowed on you, and if anyone says it is an easy thing to just leave, truly does not understand. You have great courage! It's a big step to leave, another step to realize healing isn't complete, and another to reach out to others. Many forward steps, and wishing you many more to come.

Mary

:notalone:

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Hey Dieter thank you for taking the time to reply. It just so easy to pretend nothing happened. To act as if all is right with the world even if at times you feel yourself breaking into pieces. I'm glad you too are able to move on from that person. Just like you I sometimes see him as a good person who was missunderstood. He too had gone through some traumatic stuff. It was hard for me to accept that nothing justifies what he did. Yes he does need counciling for him trauma so he never hurst anyone again. Despite what he did I don't want to hate him. 

Anyways I hope our fantasy worlds still exist in the future but transformed in a more beautiful way.

Thank you!

 

 

Mary thank you for your words. They mean a lot to me. I just took another big step by talking to one of my best friends. She reacted in a way I didn't expect. She kept questioning me why I didn't leave sooner, why I stayed by his side for so long. Suprisingly it didn't trigger any emotions. I understood why she would react that way. I probably would do the same. I feel like lately I've been taking all these huge steps and I feel so proud of myself. Coming here and being able to share my feelings without being judged sure is helpful! Thank you!!

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