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anon1211

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Hello all,

I'm new here in the hopes of finding a community of people who have been through a similar experience.

I was abused as a child. The most difficult part for me has been that I'm a male, and this topic seems to be less talked about among males, for many reasons.

I haven't fully healed yet, hence the reason why I signed up on this website. If you can point me in a good direction of any resource it would be appreciated.

I hope you are all having a great day. I want to keep this short.

Regards

 

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Hi anon1211,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for your childhood trauma. It was not right for anyone to hurt you. You have found a very supportive site, and altho women do outnumber men, I think you may be surprised at the amount of men that are actually members here. This is a place for no matter your gender, to find support and encouragement. This site has many forums of different theme topics, so my best suggestion is to just look around and see what catches your interest. You are not alone, as you find your way down this healing path.

:notalone:

Mary

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:aswelcomesu: :youcanheal: :notalone: :bighug: if ok

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Welcome to the forum. Im also a male and been abused as a child so I can relate what you are talking about.

 

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46 minutes ago, MeBeMary said:

Hi anon1211,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for your childhood trauma. It was not right for anyone to hurt you. You have found a very supportive site, and altho women do outnumber men, I think you may be surprised at the amount of men that are actually members here. This is a place for no matter your gender, to find support and encouragement. This site has many forums of different theme topics, so my best suggestion is to just look around and see what catches your interest. You are not alone, as you find your way down this healing path.

:notalone:

Mary

Thanks for your response Mary. I will have a look around at the different theme topics.

 

41 minutes ago, reglois said:

:aswelcomesu: :youcanheal: :notalone: :bighug: if ok

Thanks !!

 

38 minutes ago, dieter said:

Welcome to the forum. Im also a male and been abused as a child so I can relate what you are talking about.

 

Thanks for the response. How old are you? If you don't mind me asking. What process led to you becoming a 'survivor'?

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Just now, anon1211 said:

Thanks for your response Mary. I will have a look around at the different theme topics.

 

Thanks !!

 

Thanks for the response. How old are you? If you don't mind me asking. What process led to you becoming a 'survivor'?

Im 33. When I was about 18-19 the first flashbacks came and I had a complete mental breakdown. That lead me start healing. I had some bad experiences with some therapists on the way which let me to getting back in the denial phase for over 10 years. I had then my first real relationship which was quite abusive. During that I had severe issues with getting intimate which convinced me the abuse was still effecting me very much. That was the motivation for me to pick up where I left. After months of back and forth I joined this forum to get in contact with other people like me. Since then Im working hard to work on myself. Among other things it led me to getting out of my relationship, a thing I never expected to happen. Thats basically my story of healing in a nutshell.

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Thanks for sharing. The flashbacks came back to me around the same time. And I also had a bad experience with a counselor that led me to attempt to stuff it down and avoid going further with any type of therapy. But it still affects me in every day life, so I decided to reach out to the counselor at my school. I'm 25 and go to university.

What do you mean by the 'denial' phase? Can you explain more?

It's good to meet you, and I'm happy for you that you made the decision to heal rather than let these issues control your life.

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well I meant I went back to denying the abuse effected me and later that it even happened. I started to stuff down my feelings and ignored them. I began thinking the abuse wasnt really that bad and it dont affect at all anymore. I decided its best to forget it and never mention it again. Later I thought I dont have any objective evidence it ever happened and people often have false memories and repressed memories are not really reliable. I convinced myself the abuse probably didnt happen and even if it doesnt really matter because it doesnt affect at all. If anything got to the surface and I brushed it aside and got angry at myself for not being unable to forget it. I eventually kind of forgot it so that years went by without me even thinking once about it. I thought im alright until few issues came up. At first I thought maybe the abuse effected me just a tiny bit. Then I realized it effected my whole sexuality and my view of sex was really kind of distorted. It went on and on until I kind of understood the abuse affect almost every facet of my life. That was about 2 months ago. Since the I work on my healing and seeing big improvements but also some setbacks and a lot of pain.

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29 minutes ago, dieter said:

well I meant I went back to denying the abuse effected me and later that it even happened. I started to stuff down my feelings and ignored them. I began thinking the abuse wasnt really that bad and it dont affect at all anymore. I decided its best to forget it and never mention it again. Later I thought I dont have any objective evidence it ever happened and people often have false memories and repressed memories are not really reliable. I convinced myself the abuse probably didnt happen and even if it doesnt really matter because it doesnt affect at all. If anything got to the surface and I brushed it aside and got angry at myself for not being unable to forget it. I eventually kind of forgot it so that years went by without me even thinking once about it. I thought im alright until few issues came up. At first I thought maybe the abuse effected me just a tiny bit. Then I realized it effected my whole sexuality and my view of sex was really kind of distorted. It went on and on until I kind of understood the abuse affect almost every facet of my life. That was about 2 months ago. Since the I work on my healing and seeing big improvements but also some setbacks and a lot of pain.

I can relate to everything you just said. I tell myself the same things all the time.. thinking it wasn't that bad, not to mention it, not having any evidence, trying to convince myself it didn't happen, brushing it aside. But the thing that bothers me the most is that it distorts what sex really is and I actually ended up becoming addicted to seeing escorts. I know that will probably offend a lot of people. But I want to change and become a better person.

Edited by anon1211

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19 minutes ago, anon1211 said:

I can relate to everything you just said. I tell myself the same things all the time.. thinking it wasn't that bad, not to mention it, not having any evidence, trying to convince myself it didn't happen, brushing it aside. But the thing that bothers me the most is that it distorts what sex really is and I actually ended up becoming addicted to seeing escorts. I know that will probably offend a lot of people. But I want to change and become a better person.

Im sure nobody here will be offended by visiting escorts. I believe its very common for victims of abuse to cope with the abuse in that fashion. I feel kind of unable to being touched by a person for a while now but I have what I consider a porn addiction and compulsive masturbation. I tried to deal with both of it for some years and also looked into how to "cure" porn addiction but nothing really helped. What I find so interesting in the healing process is that lot of issues seem to disappear of themselves once I progress in the healing. I still watch porn and masturbation really often but before I felt I really had to do this and felt controlled while now I feel much less compelled and can actually choose to watch pornography and more important what kind of porn I watch. I would encourage you to continue the healing and reach out here for support. One of the greatest experiences here was for me that im not alone in this and that things I felt so ashamed about are really quite common for people like us.

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Hi anon1211, welcome to AS! I am sorry for what happened to you as a child. I am glad you found AS, and that you are already making connections with people, like for example Dieter. This is what is so great about this site. Many of us can relate in some ways or others and provide support and advice, and some people share so many similarities that they can give each other an extra bit of support and help each other feel less alone. 

Dieter is right, nobody will be offended by your visiting escorts. Every one of us struggles with the after effects of abuse, and they come in many different ways. This is a non-judgmental environment where you can get support for everything that is on your mind.

I wish you all the best in your healing! 

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Hello Anon. Welcome to aftersilence. There are other forums for survivors as well if you care to see them. Pandys, havoca and pyschforums are the ones I go to.

there is also RAINN. I don't actually seek any of their services but perhaps it's something you can look into for yourself. I think they can even help you with some legal advice. We also have a forum for legal action if you care to read it.

By the way I'm a male survivor just like you, and I can relate to most of what @dieter said. As for my own answer to your questions I'm 29 and it started last year when I saw the guy that molested me walking the streets as me and my bro were sitting in front of the bank. When I got home I just about flipped out asking myself why I never reported him. My family got me a therapist but one day he kinda pissed me off so I lost some faith in him, so I did some research on the subject of child abuse and that lead me here.

also I should add that my family did bring me to the police station to report him but the very thought that they couldn't even do anything made me not even want to bother so my mom did all the talking. Just about a week ago I went down by myself to report him on my own. I think having my mom and brother right there actually made it harder.

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Hello and welcome :aswelcomesu:

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Hi and welcome to AS! I hope you find our community informative/supportive. I wish you well on your healing journey.

:aswelcomesu: :notalone::youcanheal:

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