hello

[piggle]

Hello

I'm not very good at introducing myself. Thought I was over it all but since being back in contact with mum, I am starting to realise what my childhood could have been like and I feel deeply disturbed by my rage and guilt.

I love my mother dearly but I am now starting to realise that her words hit me like a machine gun and i have difficulty staying alive.

Thanks for having me here.

P

[SociallyAwkward]

Piggle. Welcome to AS. I have some issues with my mom as well but I can't say she's a bad parent. Still I think about how much better off my life would be if my parents made better decisions, and it pisses me off. My parents have both failed me in many ways yet I can't say there were absolutely terrible. That angers me even more. I wanna tell myself to shut up and be thankful they did the few good things they did. When I think about it deeply I end up asking myself " why does it even matter now? "..... I'd be lying if I said I was an abused child. Neglected maybe but certainly not abused.

[piggle]

Hello SociallyAwkward

I can relate to what you say. My mother seems so kind, gentle, calm and never raises her voice. Anyone meeting her says that my mum is sweet. She even says that there is not a bit of envy in her body. And yes, she would not cause hurt to animals or children physically (although I am shocked at her ruthless killing of insects that enter the house) but now that I am an adult (I have not had contact with her for almost 10 years) I am slowly starting to realise that there is an overpowering, annihilating energy in her words... they hurt so much. I am just not sure if they hurt because I am easily hurt or because I am angry or because she is meaning to hurt me... even if it is unconsciously....

Anyway, please dont feel like you need to reply... I am just thinking out loud... thank you for welcoming me. 

[SociallyAwkward]

I hate bugs. I even teach my cats to kill them. Every time they get one and I see them do it I praise them. I'm personally not so surprised she'd want to kill them.

My mom is nice and polite in public but right now I'm listening to her talking to my grandmother about other people's problems. Ugh.... It's so annoying.

Edited August 18, 2016 by SociallyAwkward

[LostSoul21]

Welcome to the forum Piggle.

I can sadly say that I know too well the pain you feel from the words your mother says to you. But all we can do is be strong. x

[patriciag]

8 hours ago, piggle said:

Hello

I'm not very good at introducing myself. Thought I was over it all but since being back in contact with mum, I am starting to realise what my childhood could have been like and I feel deeply disturbed by my rage and guilt.

I love my mother dearly but I am now starting to realise that her words hit me like a machine gun and i have difficulty staying alive.

Thanks for having me here.

P

 Hi P and welcome to AS. I am sorry for what you have been through. I am dealing with the same things about my mother ( just after she passed away) and it is hard. We are here for you and you can almost reach anyone on line no matter the time, reach out to us when you feel it's difficulty to stay alive. We are here for you as you start your  journey to healing.

[phoenixxx]

Welcome Piggle. I am sorry for what brought you here and that you are having a hard time since you have been back in contact with your mum. I hope that you will find the support you deserve here at AS.  

[piggle]

Thank you so much everyone 

[MeBeMary]

On 8/18/2016 at 2:18 PM, piggle said:

Hello

I'm not very good at introducing myself. Thought I was over it all but since being back in contact with mum, I am starting to realise what my childhood could have been like and I feel deeply disturbed by my rage and guilt.

I love my mother dearly but I am now starting to realise that her words hit me like a machine gun and i have difficulty staying alive.

Thanks for having me here.

P

Hi piggle,

Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the trauma that you have suffered. It is wrong to be hurt in such a way. You have found a very supportive site with many kind and understanding members. It's not an easy journey, but one we don't have to take alone. I wish you well on your path of healing.

Mary

 

[piggle]

thank you 

[Tannyluck]

Hi and welcome to AS! I hope you find our community informative/supportive. I wish you well on your healing journey.

[Struggling88]

Hi, Piggle, and welcome! 

[piggle]

Thank you you two 

[piggle]

feeling alone tonight... not sure why I am writing here... feel anxious tonight... hope tomorrow will be better again